Your Big Fat Greek Wedding

Kate comes into the rumpus room and sits in a chair.

SQUEAK!!

She stands back up and extracts the squeaky toy from her butt. Sami comes in and Kate scolds her about the all the clutter in the room, "The place is a mess."

Sami gets sarcastic, "Squeaky toys, whoopee cushions and dribble glasses – that's my plan for you, Kate." They bicker as Kate tells Sami she's responsible for the mess.

The fun ends when Kate gets a call, "OMG!"

Carly and Chloe are in the waiting area of the hospital. Chloe lectures Carly about cheating on Lawrence. Carly hits her with another threat to tell Daniel about her affair if Chloe doesn't step up to the plate and do it herself.

Daniel walks up, "Tell me what?" before the situation can show even the slightest hint of movement, Daniel's phone rings.

Phillip gets his text message and tries to call the Kiriakis mansion. No one picks up. Maggie comes in and Melanie tells her what she knows. Which, as usual, is nothing. Phillip leaves.

Nicole and Brady talk. Brady gets his text message and bolts. Nicole huffs, "Arianna has been arrested, Victor is sick or maybe dead, Nicole, girl, things are rolling for you." She runs after him, "Brady. Wait!"

Bo is on the phone arranging a babysitter.

Stunned Vivian staggers into the Kiriakis den. She sits and drones, "Oh Victor... I didn't want it to happen this way."

Stefano sits in the pub and reads his paper as "Guillermo" walks up. Stefano says he's actually there to see Will. "Guillermo says he'll go get him. Will sits with him and Stefano sympathizes about his poor algebra marks.

Sami wants to know why Kate is upset. Kate says her hysteria doesn’t have anything to do with her.

Daniel heads for the Kiriakis mansion. Chloe follows. Bo calls Carly and tells her there is something wrong with Victor. He invites her to the morbid little party, hangs up and stares, "Hang in there, Victor."

Sami scolds Kate for drinking this early. Kate says Sydney woke her up at five o'clock, so it seems like it's already cocktail hour. Kate don' like Sami livin' there and Sami don' like livin' there so they're both happy. Sami says she'll be out soon and take her brood with her. Kate asks if that includes Will. They argue about the way Sami is handling Will and Kate says he will probably stay at the mansion.

Stefano says he supports Sami's hard line on Will and his algebra grades. Will is confused that Stefano is supporting Sami. Will badmouths his mom and gives us her history for the past two years, "Then she met Rafe, and he was such a stand up guy and I thought things would be normal again." Hmmm... how do people in Salem define 'normal'?

"Your mother is emotional," says Stefano, "and sometimes lets her emotions get the best of her. That can hurt the people she loves."

"She should be more like you," says Will, "I never see you freak out."

"This freaking out business is a waste of time," says Stefano, "I just torture people and watch them freak out instead. Have you ever heard the saying, 'Don't get mad, get even?'"

Will says, "It works for me."

Bo arrives at the Kiriakis mansion and finds Phillip. No Victor. Daniel and Brady show up. Then Melanie and Maggie. Vivian bustles in and finally the IQ in the room reaches double digits.

Stefano says he's happy Will is staying at the DiMera mansion. Chad joins them. Stefano invites him to sit and they talk about college. Stefano shakes Chad's hand and congratulates him on getting into Wake Forest. Madeline sees the incident, "Get your hands off my son!"

Kate and Sami keep it up. Sami adds her two cents on Stefano and Kate reminds her Will is no longer a child, and perhaps just doesn’t care about Stefano's dark side. Kate makes illusions about Sami and EJ and Sami's little habit of jumping from man to man. She tells her Will needs a role model, like perhaps Stefano. Sami reminds her Stefano's children hate him and Stefano's success is a trail of broken kneecaps.

Kate insists she loves Stefano, "And part of me sill loves Victor, too."

"Which part," asks Sami, "the Louis Vuitton part?"

"It's Channel darling..."

Kate leaves. Sami takes out her phone and returns a message from Caroline, "What? I'll be right there."

Vivian tells people they are all just on time. Victor walks in, "What's all this racket and what are you all doing here?" Diddle-bop music plays in the background to let all of us viewers who don't have the brainpower to realize it know this is a strange and somewhat confusing situation. Strange and confusing seems to define this show.

Sami finds Caroline at the hospital. Caroline updates her on Roman and both decide he's getting better since he's taken to swearing at anyone who comes into the room. Neither can believe Arianna is behind the muggings. Caroline senses other things are wrong with Sami. Sami don' wanna talk about it, so they talk. Sami says she can't believe she got talked into living in Stefano's house. A mind may be a terrible thing to waste, but fortunately one wasn't wasted on Sami.

Madeline tells Chad they have to get out. Stefano tries a gentle approach and Maddie tells him to get lost. Will asks, "You two know each other?"

Nicole arrives in the Kiriakis den. Phillip and Daniel explain they thought something happened to Stefano. Vivian comes clean and says she sent the text messages because she and Victor are getting married today. Victor makes a face as we listen to more of that hinky music.

Chloe and Carly show up, too. Victor takes Vivian aside, "Do you really think this will work out well for you?"

"This is your big fat Greek wedding," chirps Vivian, "Isn't that wonderful?"

Victor tells everyone in the crowd they can all go, "None of you deserves this debacle." He leaves. Vivian stares.

Sami and Caroline sit in the waiting area. Sami tells Caroline she never should have let Will move in with Stefano. Caroline drops an 'I told you so.' Sami tells her about reading Will the riot act for his poor algebra grade. She says she feels out of control and Will thinks Stefano is cool. Caroline tells her to get out now. "I can't," says Sami, "I just can't."

Chad asks how Madeline knows Stefano. She says everyone knows him. Chad presses.

Victor tells Vivian to stay away from him. Yentl Maggie butts in, "Sounds like a marriage made in heaven. What have you done now?"

Outside, Nicole asks Brady if he's staying for the wedding. He says he's leaving and says he knows Nicole was hoping Victor was dead when they all thought something else was going on.

Vivian tells Phillip and Melanie her surprise didn't go as planed. She asks Phillip to stand up for his father at the wedding, which may or may not take place. Phillip lectures her for what she did and asks what is going on, "What exactly do you have on him?"

Bo tells Carly he knew Vivian was evil but didn't know she was stupid. Carly thinks Bo is forcing Victor to marry Vivian and doing it to protect her. She asks him to stop the wedding. Bo agrees, but says, "It's a two part deal – Victor has to neutralize Vivian or I will kill her. If you want, we can go to plan B." Any resemblance between what Bo does and an actual plan is purely coincidental.

Chloe finds Daniel. He tells her she's been great with this little incident considering how Victor has treated her. He says she can go home. She asks him to go with her. Daniel says yes, but says he has to talk to Phillip first.

Nicole admits she hates Victor but says she hates to see Brady miserable, "I leaned on you, now you can lean on me."

Vivian tells Phillip and Melanie after losing Lawrence, she never thought she'd be happy again and thinks they should celebrate with her. Kate shows up and Phillip fills her in on the whole mess, "Victor isn't sick."

"He's in love," says Melanie. Kate chuckles.

Carly says she doesn't want Bo killing anyone, "That's murder!"

Lawrence's ghost interrupts, "You can say that again."

Bo backs off, "Well, I guess dear old dad will get married today." Carly asks if he's staying for the ceremony.

Caroline insists Sami must move out.

Stefano lectures Chad for being impolite to his mother. Madeline tells Stefano not to plead her case. She explains the picture. Chad gets a call and says he has to go because they're measuring for caps and gowns over at the school. Will leaves with him.

"That was unpleasant," says Madeline.

"Calm down," grunts Stefano, "Your son is going to college and there isn't time for me to taint him."

"He's not going," says Madeline, "Have you seen what they charge for tuition at Wake Forest? It's not a college, it's a black hole of money. I'm not sure what I will do but rest assured I will move heaven and earth to keep him away from you."

Daniel says he wants to talk to Phillip to make sure Melanie is safe, "We both love Melanie, and you and I just want to make sure he protects her."

Chloe suggests going home, opening up a bottle of wine and talking. Daniel thinks that's a tough choice. He moves in on her and Chloe flashes back to you-know-what. "I won't let anyone ever hurt you," says Chloe, "I've already done enough damage myself."

Kate asks Vivian if Victor knew about her little surprise. She suggests Vivian should run after him before he gets miles away. Vivian gets indignant and leaves.

Victor says he thinks Maggie will have a field day with this. Maggie launches into her field day. She lectures Victor about marriage, "Does Vivian literally know where the bodies are married."

"No."

"So," says Maggie, "this is unbridled lust. This is so wrong."

Victor insists Maggie doesn't know the whole story, but Maggie says she knows he's not in control of the situation, "Don't do it."

Victor asks, "This really bothers you doesn't it?"

"Time isn't infinite," says Maggie, "Don't waste it on all this stuff. Let the games stop, finally." She holds his arm.

Sami says she can't tell Will what to do, "Remember how that worked on me when I was 16?"

"It doesn't work now," says Caroline. She says she thinks Sami handled things well and decides to go say a novena asking for Stefano's downfall in a week or two.

Madeline says she will do what it takes to keep Chad away from Stefano, "If I find you near him I will produce that tape and your life as you know it will be over." Maybe she taped him singing opera in the shower.

Maggie yanks her hand away and decides that was none of her business, "I got carried away." Since it was all none of her business and she has decided she got carried away, she goes right in and piles on with more, "Vivian has it coming – you're going out the window and wait. I will announce you were summoned by the UN to rescue the Greek economy and I will drive you to the airport. I'm offering you a ride."

"Then what," asks Victor, "What a ride it could be."

Kate says she wouldn't miss this for the world. The crowd heads in, but Bo calls Phillip and Daniel back and says he wants to talk, "There is something you don't know about."

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