The Prank
WARNING: Please consider this entire posting to be CENSORED. It contains graphic representations of sex, drugs and rock & roll. If you find sex, drugs and rock & roll or references to them offensive, you might want to pass on this one. On the other hand, I figure if you watch DOOL, you can't be too easily offended, so here goes...
February 27, 1990, Beverly Hills, California — Bart and Beavis, young late-shift restroom attendants for the posh Beverly Hilton Hotel share a doob in the back alley while on break from their all-too-demanding jobs. Not looking forward to the drudgery of going back to work they continue to toke it up and try to figure out a way to spice up the boring evening ahead of them. Bart giggles, "Hey, man, I got a idea... le'z go-ta the gift shop. Snickersnickersnicker..."
"What," chuckles Beavis, "You gonna buy me a gift?"
"You'll see." Bart's laughter becomes uncontrollable.
"Hey," says Beavis, "Don't 'Bogart' that joint, my friend, pass it over to me."
A few minutes later the two stoners stumble into the gift shop. Ringleader Bart asks the person behind the counter, "Hey, lady, you sell them little sewing kits... the ones with the really tiny needles?"
"We do," says the saleswoman. But she's a little skeptical, "What does a brainless pothead like you need with a sewing kit?"
"My frien' an me had refried beans for lunch and I just ripped one. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha-ha-ha."
"This is the Beverly Hilton," she reminds him, "Things here don't come cheap. Our sewing kits are $25 and I'm guessing you aren't a kid with big money."
"Nope," giggles Bart, "Mine's the same size as everyone else. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha-ha-ha. But I got sumthin' else that's real big if you wanna see..."
"That'll be enough of that," says the saleswoman.
She reluctantly sells him the sewing kit, and Bart turns to Beavis, "Come on, Beaver, let's go."
"Don't call me 'Beaver.'"
"Got it, dipsh*t. If ya wanna have some fun, follow me, pencil d*ck."
Our intrepid Rhodes Scholarship candidates float back to their station in the men's room. Once they're in there and find themselves alone, Bart announces, "It's time to replinish..." He takes a knee and bows his head, "...THE MACHINE." With that, he goes to the supply closet, opens the door and removes a box with giant letters...
"ONE GROSS"
He unlocks and opens THE MACHINE and each lad grabs a few at a time and puts them in. Bart leaves the final small, square, sealed packet in the original large box as they situate the others. When he has finished, he turns to Beavis, "This is where it gets good. Gimme that sewing kit." Beavis obeys. Bart takes the smallest needle from the kit and carefully punches it directly through the center of the final little packet. He smooths over the pinhole so it is undetectable and places the packet right at the bottom of the stack in THE MACHINE, so it will dispense for the first unsuspecting customer who comes along.
It doesn't take long for the boys to bag their prey. A young doctor, attending a medical convention at the Beverly Hilton walks in. The doc has had a few drinks and seems to be in a pretty chipper mood as he approaches THE MACHINE whistling, "My Sharona."
The boys stifle their chuckling as the doctor gets close enough to the stall they are hiding in for them to read his name tag, "DANIEL JONAS, M.D."
The whistling stops as Dapper Dan reads the lettering, "TWO TWENTY-FIVE FOR A CONDOM! HOLY TROJAN! THERE ARE HO's DOWN ON RODEO DRIVE CHEAPER THAN THAT!" He settles down and inserts the money, "Oh, well. This Carly Manning chick is pretty hot and great in bed... at least that's what all the guys say, so I guess it's worth it. And I certainly wouldn't want to have a kid with her or pick up something... to use a medical term... icky." He turns and practically skips out of the room whistling "Louie Louie."
Once the door closes behind Dr. Dan, Bart and Beavis literally tumble out of their stall cackling uncontrollably. Finally, Bart catches his breath long enough to say, "Man, that Dr. Jonas has got to be the unluckiest guy in the world."
* * * February 27, 2010, Salem, USA — Bart and Beavis, burned out stoners who have been complete failures throughout their lives have finally landed jobs as orderlies at Salem Hospital. They are on break from their all-too-demanding duties sharing a doob near the park bench outside. Beavis contemplates a cloud, "Heeeyyyy, maaaaannnn... that looks just like a giant Thanksgiving turkey, maaannnn..."
"You just have the munchies," says Bart, "and don't Bogart that joint, my friend, pass it over to me."
"Joint," asks a voice, "are you gentlemen smoking marijuana here on hospital grounds?" Roman Brady walks up to them and gives them his best cop stare, "Marijuana is illegal, you know."
"Awwww, maaannnn," says Beavis, "We're on hospital property, so this must be medical marijuana."
"I see," says Roman, "In that case, just make sure you only smoke it on hospital grounds and... I'll check the statute on this, but I believe you must be on duty, too."
"Nah," says Bart, "I know that's not in the statute, but it is a hospital rule."
"Very well, gentlemen," says Roman, "Carry on. I have to go. I believe I see a jaywalker over there and we don't tolerate that kind of despicable behavior in this town."
As Roman walks off, Beavis turns to Bart, "Hey dooooood, He was an awful nice guy. You should have offered him a pull..."
"SHHHHHH! Look!"
Bart points toward the park bench and the pair listen in on Daniel and Carly's conversation...
Carly stammers around. She talks about being with Melanie earlier. Daniel can see it will be a while before she gets to the point, "We don't have to do this here. Lets go someplace where it's warm and comfortable and we can be alone."
"No," says Carly, "We have to do this right here and right now."
Carly sits Daniel down on the Salem Bench and continues to ramble. "Stop beating around the bush," says Daniel, "What are you trying to tell me?"
"I wasn't just trying to protect Melanie," says Carly, "I was also trying to protect... her father."
Daniel asks if Bo is the father. "No," says Carly.
"Who is it," asks Daniel. Carly continues to stammer. Dan digs, "I assume this man is no longer a part of your life."
"He is he's a great friend," says Carly, "And I Hope it stays that way. Daniel... it's you. You're Melanie's father. It's you."
Bart has a cow, "HO-LEEEE SH*T! Did you catch that?"
"I sure did," says Beavis, "That dude said he don' wan' no beatin' around the bush, but it sounds like that's exactly what got him in trouble."
"THAT'S THE GUY," says Bart, "THAT'S THE GUY FROM THAT CONVENTION AT THE BEVERLY HILTON. HE'S THE ONE WHO GOT OUR RIGGED CONDOM. AND HE CALLED THE CHICK THAT NIGHT 'CARLY.' AND THIS CHICK IS NAMED CARLY. AND THEY HAD A KID... AND HE JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT IT. DOOOD! WE DID THIS! WE'RE PRACTICALLY GODPARENTS OR SOMETHIN!"
"That's not all, doood," says Beavis, "She called the kid 'Melanie.' You know that chick in 214?"
"The loudmouth?"
"Yeah."
"The one who got shot on her wedding day?"
"Yeah."
"The one who can't stop whining?"
"Yeah."
"The one you can hear screaming down the hall even when her door is closed?"
"Yeah."
"The one so many people want to kill they have to put a guard outside her door?"
"Yeah."
"What about her," asks Bart.
"Her name is Melanie," says Beavis, "And I was right outside her room and heard Carly tell her she is her mother."
"DOOOOOOD!!!"
"OH MY GOD," gasps Bart, "The poor guy gets the rigged rubber and now he's stuck with that jaw-flappin, whining, irritating Melanie Layton for a daughter! Do you remember what I said about him that night?"
"You said he was the unluckiest guy in the world," says Beavis.
"I didn't know the half of it," says Bart, "I need a hit. So..."
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Roll another one
Just like the other one.
You've been hanging on to it
And I sure would like a hit.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Ro-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oll another one
Just like the other one.
That one's burnt to the end
So come on and be a friend.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
* * *
Have a mellow weekend, gang. But not too mellow.
February 27, 1990, Beverly Hills, California — Bart and Beavis, young late-shift restroom attendants for the posh Beverly Hilton Hotel share a doob in the back alley while on break from their all-too-demanding jobs. Not looking forward to the drudgery of going back to work they continue to toke it up and try to figure out a way to spice up the boring evening ahead of them. Bart giggles, "Hey, man, I got a idea... le'z go-ta the gift shop. Snickersnickersnicker..."
"What," chuckles Beavis, "You gonna buy me a gift?"
"You'll see." Bart's laughter becomes uncontrollable.
"Hey," says Beavis, "Don't 'Bogart' that joint, my friend, pass it over to me."
A few minutes later the two stoners stumble into the gift shop. Ringleader Bart asks the person behind the counter, "Hey, lady, you sell them little sewing kits... the ones with the really tiny needles?"
"We do," says the saleswoman. But she's a little skeptical, "What does a brainless pothead like you need with a sewing kit?"
"My frien' an me had refried beans for lunch and I just ripped one. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha-ha-ha."
"This is the Beverly Hilton," she reminds him, "Things here don't come cheap. Our sewing kits are $25 and I'm guessing you aren't a kid with big money."
"Nope," giggles Bart, "Mine's the same size as everyone else. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha-ha-ha. But I got sumthin' else that's real big if you wanna see..."
"That'll be enough of that," says the saleswoman.
She reluctantly sells him the sewing kit, and Bart turns to Beavis, "Come on, Beaver, let's go."
"Don't call me 'Beaver.'"
"Got it, dipsh*t. If ya wanna have some fun, follow me, pencil d*ck."
Our intrepid Rhodes Scholarship candidates float back to their station in the men's room. Once they're in there and find themselves alone, Bart announces, "It's time to replinish..." He takes a knee and bows his head, "...THE MACHINE." With that, he goes to the supply closet, opens the door and removes a box with giant letters...
"ONE GROSS"
He unlocks and opens THE MACHINE and each lad grabs a few at a time and puts them in. Bart leaves the final small, square, sealed packet in the original large box as they situate the others. When he has finished, he turns to Beavis, "This is where it gets good. Gimme that sewing kit." Beavis obeys. Bart takes the smallest needle from the kit and carefully punches it directly through the center of the final little packet. He smooths over the pinhole so it is undetectable and places the packet right at the bottom of the stack in THE MACHINE, so it will dispense for the first unsuspecting customer who comes along.
It doesn't take long for the boys to bag their prey. A young doctor, attending a medical convention at the Beverly Hilton walks in. The doc has had a few drinks and seems to be in a pretty chipper mood as he approaches THE MACHINE whistling, "My Sharona."
The boys stifle their chuckling as the doctor gets close enough to the stall they are hiding in for them to read his name tag, "DANIEL JONAS, M.D."
The whistling stops as Dapper Dan reads the lettering, "TWO TWENTY-FIVE FOR A CONDOM! HOLY TROJAN! THERE ARE HO's DOWN ON RODEO DRIVE CHEAPER THAN THAT!" He settles down and inserts the money, "Oh, well. This Carly Manning chick is pretty hot and great in bed... at least that's what all the guys say, so I guess it's worth it. And I certainly wouldn't want to have a kid with her or pick up something... to use a medical term... icky." He turns and practically skips out of the room whistling "Louie Louie."
Once the door closes behind Dr. Dan, Bart and Beavis literally tumble out of their stall cackling uncontrollably. Finally, Bart catches his breath long enough to say, "Man, that Dr. Jonas has got to be the unluckiest guy in the world."
"You just have the munchies," says Bart, "and don't Bogart that joint, my friend, pass it over to me."
"Joint," asks a voice, "are you gentlemen smoking marijuana here on hospital grounds?" Roman Brady walks up to them and gives them his best cop stare, "Marijuana is illegal, you know."
"Awwww, maaannnn," says Beavis, "We're on hospital property, so this must be medical marijuana."
"I see," says Roman, "In that case, just make sure you only smoke it on hospital grounds and... I'll check the statute on this, but I believe you must be on duty, too."
"Nah," says Bart, "I know that's not in the statute, but it is a hospital rule."
"Very well, gentlemen," says Roman, "Carry on. I have to go. I believe I see a jaywalker over there and we don't tolerate that kind of despicable behavior in this town."
As Roman walks off, Beavis turns to Bart, "Hey dooooood, He was an awful nice guy. You should have offered him a pull..."
"SHHHHHH! Look!"
Bart points toward the park bench and the pair listen in on Daniel and Carly's conversation...
Carly stammers around. She talks about being with Melanie earlier. Daniel can see it will be a while before she gets to the point, "We don't have to do this here. Lets go someplace where it's warm and comfortable and we can be alone."
"No," says Carly, "We have to do this right here and right now."
Carly sits Daniel down on the Salem Bench and continues to ramble. "Stop beating around the bush," says Daniel, "What are you trying to tell me?"
"I wasn't just trying to protect Melanie," says Carly, "I was also trying to protect... her father."
Daniel asks if Bo is the father. "No," says Carly.
"Who is it," asks Daniel. Carly continues to stammer. Dan digs, "I assume this man is no longer a part of your life."
"He is he's a great friend," says Carly, "And I Hope it stays that way. Daniel... it's you. You're Melanie's father. It's you."
Bart has a cow, "HO-LEEEE SH*T! Did you catch that?"
"I sure did," says Beavis, "That dude said he don' wan' no beatin' around the bush, but it sounds like that's exactly what got him in trouble."
"THAT'S THE GUY," says Bart, "THAT'S THE GUY FROM THAT CONVENTION AT THE BEVERLY HILTON. HE'S THE ONE WHO GOT OUR RIGGED CONDOM. AND HE CALLED THE CHICK THAT NIGHT 'CARLY.' AND THIS CHICK IS NAMED CARLY. AND THEY HAD A KID... AND HE JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT IT. DOOOD! WE DID THIS! WE'RE PRACTICALLY GODPARENTS OR SOMETHIN!"
"That's not all, doood," says Beavis, "She called the kid 'Melanie.' You know that chick in 214?"
"The loudmouth?"
"Yeah."
"The one who got shot on her wedding day?"
"Yeah."
"The one who can't stop whining?"
"Yeah."
"The one you can hear screaming down the hall even when her door is closed?"
"Yeah."
"The one so many people want to kill they have to put a guard outside her door?"
"Yeah."
"What about her," asks Bart.
"Her name is Melanie," says Beavis, "And I was right outside her room and heard Carly tell her she is her mother."
"DOOOOOOD!!!"
"OH MY GOD," gasps Bart, "The poor guy gets the rigged rubber and now he's stuck with that jaw-flappin, whining, irritating Melanie Layton for a daughter! Do you remember what I said about him that night?"
"You said he was the unluckiest guy in the world," says Beavis.
"I didn't know the half of it," says Bart, "I need a hit. So..."
Pass it over to me.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Roll another one
Just like the other one.
You've been hanging on to it
And I sure would like a hit.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Ro-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oll another one
Just like the other one.
That one's burnt to the end
So come on and be a friend.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Have a mellow weekend, gang. But not too mellow.
| NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE |
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11 Comments:
That was classic... just what I needed at 455 in the morning.
Word verification = commy. I don't know what to say...
What a fun read! Thanks, Prevuze.
As the great Bob Dylan would say, "Everybody must get stoned". Unfortunatley for Dr. Cop A Feel, there is not enough Maui Waui in the world to overlook the fact that he sired the ever whiny, scrunched up, can't cry worth a damn, Melanie. Although I'm sure at the time he thought the one nite he spent with Carly would be worth it :-). Love when we get a Saturday Special from Prevuze and this one had it all: sex, drugs and Beavis & Butthead. Thanks.
-Cookie-
This comment has been removed by the author.
What a great special edition, Prevuze! I still don't get why you can't apply to Daze to be one of their writers. Think how much it would improve.
I'd like to know the origin of 'Bogart', too.
Thanks for the entertainment, I needed something to wake me up this morning. Happy weekend Prevuze and its readers! :D
LMAO! No one can give you the real skinny, the in-depth back-story, like Prevuze.
Don't Bogart that snark Prevuze, just keep passin' it along.
BTW - how did "Bogart" ever get this meaning?? Never understood that
In case Bulldog's "I want to know too" comment seems strange...I had to delete my comment, correct some spelling and re-post. Bulldog apparently posted in the interim.
Word verification, wigape as in, I flipped my wig and went ape when I read today's post. hahahaha
Bogart - Think Humphrey - CLICK HERE
That was great! I don't know how u come up with this stuff....but keep up the good work!
It appears that Cheech and Chong live at the Prevuze compound. Only they and Prevuze could come up with an adequate explanation of why Melanie exists. How appropriate that cannabis was involved because it takes a drug filled haze to make any of her scenes watchable.
Thanks for the Saturday edition Prevuze!!!
Hysterical..just what this librarian needed to perk up her afternoon :)
Deweybelle
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