Falling Out Of A Cocoanut Tree With Keith Richards

EJ, Nicole and Sami are in the hospital waiting area dragging out their uncomfortable conversation. Sami offers Sydney to EJ, but he tells her the best thing is for Sydney to be with Nicole. Nicole flashes back to her conversation with Stefano which was about another conversation with Stefano, which just happened five minutes ago and which the writers think the viewers have forgotten because the writers think the viewers, like themselves, have the attention span of a mayfly. Nicole gives Sami a strange look and Sami asks Nicole why she is looking at her like that. "I just went into flashback overload," says Nicole.

As far as we know, there is no truth to the rumor DOOL will be renamed "Flashbacks Of Our Lives."

Phillip and Nathan trade manly threats at Cheatin' Heart. They continue to argue about Melanie, Stephanie, Nathan's involvement and the pros and cons of the public option in healthcare reform.

Over on the other side of the room, Melanie asks Brady what's going on with EJ and Nicole. Brady tells her to forget it. Melanie wonders if Brady is still in love with Nicole. Brady says he's going to do whatever he can to see that things stay the way they are.

Nicole says she's not staring at Sami. She stares. Sami hands Sydney over. Nicole says Sydney really needs her daddy. EJ ignores it and Nicole stomps off. Sami wants to know what's going on.

EJ says he can't do this because his father is in there dying. Sami pries, "I know you better than that."

"You know me better than anybody," says EJ.

SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!

Ushers fill the aisles, rush to the Ejami section and ask them to contain themselves before the show continues.

Sami asks, "What did Nicole do."

"She lied to me," says EJ, "Just like you did. And now I've lost another child."

Nicole zones out and sits on the park bench. She assures Sydney she'll figure something out as Brady comes up to her. She tells Brady Stefano may not make it. Brady senses something else is wrong. Nicole hugs and tells him everything is wrong.

Melanie breaks up the macho men, "Were you two fighting over l'il ole me?" Nathan gets a call, says it's from the hospital and goes off to take it. "Go save lives," says Melanie.

Nathan leaves and Melanie asks Phillip which guy won the fight over her affection. "It's complicated," says Phillip, "If you're the prize, the winner loses." Melanie wants details. Phillip tells her Nathan is a lucky guy. Mr. Lucky comes back and announces he doesn't have to go back to the hospital. Phillip leaves. Melanie scowls, apparently sorry to see one of her protagonists leave the fight.

Meanwhile, back at Chez Rouge, Stephanie sits with Maggie and tells her about asking Nathan go go on a hot air balloon ride. Speaking of hot air, Maggie tosses in her two cents worth. Stephanie tells her she never stopped loving Phillip, "But loving him isn't enough."

CRASH!

Maggie goes to take care of the emergency in the kitchen. Phillip shows up and he and Stephanie have a staredown.

Nicole tells Brady EJ knows, "He knows all of it. The miscarriage, how I pretended to be pregnant, getting Sydney from Dr. Baker. He had a recording of us talking."

Concerned Brady asks, "What did he do? Did he hurt you?"

"Not physically," says Nicole, "but he hates me. He threw me and Sydney out." Brady says he's sorry to hear this. Nicole wonders if that's really true. She reminds Brady he predicted this would happen, "How does it feel to be the smartest man in the room?"

"I'll let you know if that ever happens," says Brady.

Nicole goes off the deep end, "Admit it. Admit you wanted this to happen. You tried to call me but let it slip to EJ."

Sami wants details. EJ wants solitude. Sami defends Nicole and says all she cares about is Sydney. "No," says EJ, "She's the same lying bitch she always was."

"This is the mother of your child we're talking about," says gasps Sami.

"She's not," says EJ, "She never was. She never will be. Sydney isn't my child."

Stephanie tells Phillip she's at Chez Rouge working with Maggie on a fundraiser. Phillip says he just stopped by for a drink. Stephanie asks, "Is something bothering you?"

"How can you tell," asks Phillip.

"It's written all over your face," says Stephanie.

"Which one?"

Brady insists he did everything he could to protect Nicole. Nicole doesn't see it that way. Brady asks, "Why would I deliberately slip up to EJ?"

Nicole, as usual, can't hold her tongue, "Because you're in love..."

Brady takes a deep breath, "Let me tell you something... I did screw up but that's all I did. I made a promise from the beginning that I'd help you and I will. Anything you want... anything you need... I'm (say it with him) here for you."

Well, that piqued Sami's interest. She dives in for more info. EJ tells her about the miscarriage, "Nicole faked the pregnancy."

Sami is stunned, "EJ... How... could you not know... your own wife was faking a pregnancy? A few more brain cells and you'd be a cabbage."

"She kept her distance from me," says EJ, "She told me we couldn't be... close."

"Define close," says Sami, "I mean, did you have to live in Tanganyika?"

EJ says he confronted Nicole with the "evidence."

"I have done some crazy stuff," says Sami, "but this takes the cake."

EJ takes the cake back and reminds Sami what she did to him, "It's the same thing. I had two daughters and I lost them both."

Phillip starts to go but Stephanie stops him and suggests they get a drink together. Phillip doesn't think that's such a good idea. Stephanie says, "I was hoping we could be friends."

Phillip says, "I don't think we can be friends, Stephanie."

Nathan and Melanie share smalltalk at their table. "You know that guy with the hernia on the 4th floor," asks Nathan, "He used to be a rocker. He opened for some pretty badass rock groups in his time... Kiss... The Stones... Clay Aiken..."

"So," asks Melanie, "How did he get the hernia - Falling out of a cocoanut tree with Keith Richards?"

"He was on one of those reality shows."

"Oh, yeah," cracks Melanie, "I'm a dinosaur somebody excavate me." She asks if Nathan wants to know what she and Phillip were talking about. Nate isn't interested and that impresses Melanie. Nathan suggests a party trick. OMG! He takes her hand! Slap the X rating on this episode.

Brady encourages Nicole to think about Sydney. Nicole says that's all she thinks about, "Now everything has been ripped out from under me. And it was all made of foam rubber." Brady is soooo sorry. "So am I," says Nicole.

Sami decides to leave. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out," yells EJ.

Sami stays, "Nicole is leaving... She's taking Johnny's sister with her."

"She's not his sister."

"She thinks she is," insists Sami, "If you let her go you have no one to blame but yourself. We both lost Grace but you have a beautiful little girl who thinks you are her daddy if you want her."

Stephanie and Phillip's little reprieve is over as Maggie returns with her rubber hose. She asks about Melanie and Nathan. Phillip says he saw them at the Cheatin' Heart and they seemed happy.

Back at the Cheatin' Heart, happiness abounds. Nate presses a few places on Melanie's hand, "This is your back..." Melanie immediately feels it in her back. "This is your thigh..." Melanie feels it in her thigh. "This is your hip..." Melanie feels it. "And this," says Nathan, "is your..."

Melanie's eyes go wide. She jumps, her toes curl, her hair frizzes...

"WOW! THAT IS AMAZING!"

Melanie comes back to earth after the world's first televised handgasm, "Do you do this to all the girls you take out?"

Nathan smiles, "The ones I want to see again."

"Well," says Melanie, "You can bet I'll be coming back for more."

Brady offers Nicole money. She refuses, so he asks where she will stay. She says the Salem Inn tonight and she'll think of something tomorrow. Brady thinks she needs a better plan what with a baby to worry about. He thinks EJ is a real bastard for ditching them.

"It's because he doesn't know," says Nicole.

"Doesn't know what," asks Brady.

Back at Salem Hospital, a poor dead horse lies in the waiting area and Sami and EJ continue to beat it mercilessly. EJ tells her Brady was involved, "I'm not sure what he did but when I find out..."

"Don't you dare threaten my brother," sneers Sami, "If he had something to do with it I'm sure he had a good reason."

"I don't think so," says EJ. Sami wonders who Sydney's real parents are.

Maggie scoots. Phillip asks when she became Stephanie's bodyguard. Stephanie thinks Phillip is having a bad night because he saw Melanie and Nathan together. Phillip insists not and says he never meant to hurt Stephanie but he's moving on.

"With Melanie," asks Stephanie.

"No," says Phillip, "And if you were moving on with Nathan it looks like they moved on without us."

"So now what," asks Stephanie, "We can't be together."

"I'll never stop loving you," says Phillip, "We're just not right for each other. Never will be."

Nathan and Melanie have moved outside where Melanie can cool down a little. They decide it's late and figure they should be heading home. Melanie sticks out her hand for a few more tricks. Nathan moves in to show her a new trick but his phone rings. He sees it's Maggie and turns it off. Melanie's phone rings. She sees it's Maggie and Nathan yanks it from her. He moves in. "Don't kiss me," she begs, "Shake my hand."

EJ says he has no idea who Sydney's real parents are. He also says he doesn't think Nicole does either. Sami just can't figure how Nicole faked the pregnancy. EJ says it's the same thing as when Sami was pregnant with their child and hiding, "I didn't see it because I chose not to. I let my guard down because I really loved her and I wanted her to really love me. I thought I had finally found somebody I could truly give my heart to."

"I think she really does love you," says Sami.

"I think I was blinded by the love and the overwhelming smell of foam rubber fumes," says EJ. He asks where Johnny is and says he wants to see him. Sami says she'll bring him tomorrow. EJ wants to see him NOW.

We transport to the pub and Sami comes in with Johnny. She gives him to EJ, who tells Johnny how much he's missed him.

Nicole says EJ doesn't know how much he really loves Sydney and how much he will miss her. Brady wants to know what if EJ wants Sydney back but not Nicole. Nicole says she refuses to let that happen. Brady asks what if Mia wants Sydney back. Nicole can't deal with that, "By tomorrow it may not be an issue. EJ will wake up and realize how much he misses us."

Brady explodes, "What is wrong with you?"

"EJ just needs time to cool off," says Nicole, "I've seen this before. He gets angry, throws a fit and then gets over it."

"Do you honestly believe that's what will happen," asks Brady.

"Go," says Nicole, "Just go. Brady says he meant what he said about helping and leaves. Nicole sits and sobs, "Sami, I am so sorry. It didn't start out this way. I just wanted to keep EJ. That's why I took your baby. I wanted to give him the daughter I lost." She turns to Sydney, "You're mine and I will never let you go."

The ushers come into the theater to help people leave after the show. Surprisingly, they find it empty. A lone guy sits in one of the back rows. As he gets up to leave one of the ushers asks, "Where did the women all go?"

"They're in back of the theater at the exit door," says the guy, "They all want to meet Nathan and shake his hand."

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