For A Smart Guy You're A Total Idiot

Sami paces around the DiMera mansion holding Sydney. She calls EJ to let him know she's babysitting, but doesn't get him, so she leaves a message, "I got stuck here at your place babysitting Sydney. I know you're probably not too happy about that so if you want to come home and handle it that would be awesome."

At the hospital, EJ fills Lexie in on Nicole's faked pregnancy. Lexie gasps, "How did she pull that off?" Translation: "How could you have been so dumb?"

EJ tells her Sydney is not his biological child. Lexie is sympathetic, "I just can't imagine how painful it must be for you to be the town dimwit. I know this is cold comfort but you will recover."

EJ isn't so sure, "I seem to be drawn to women who lie." Ya think?

Nicole comes in to see Stefano as Daniel attends to him. She asks for a few minutes alone with Stefano and Daniel leaves. Nicole sits down and rambles to the half-corpse. She says she has to make a choice, whether to tell EJ that Sydney is Sami's or let him keep thinking she adopted her, "He'll hate me either way, but I have to do what's right for my little girl."

Stefano asks, "Why start now?"

Stephanie comes to Maggie's to pick up some sort of fundraiser information. As she walks in, she smells the remnants of the burned dinner. Nathan rats out Melanie's lack of Top Chef skills. He says he's impressed by Stephanie's fundraising involvement, however. Stephanie asks where Melanie is.

Phillip is disgusted that Victor wants him to "sell" Melanie to him. He rambles on about her and asks, "OK, so did I sell you?"

"I'll take two," growls Victor. Victor gets a call, expresses his boundless joy and hangs up. "Guess what," he tells Phillip, "Stefano had a heart attack." Phillip rushes out as Victor practically dances around the room.

Daniel has a call. Apparently it's Chloe telling him she has transmission problems with her car. They make arrangements to meet later, express their undying love and, in her absence, Daniel gropes the phone as he hangs up.

Melanie arrives and Daniel informs her, "Stefano DiMera had a heart attack."

Melanie gasps, "Is it serious?"

"If I gave you a penny for your thoughts," says Daniel, "you'd have to give me change." He scoots off.

No sooner has Daniel left than Kate finds Melanie and starts in on her, "I know you helped Daniel save Chloe so you could seduce him just like you seduced Phillip."

Sami tries to get Sydney to sleep. With Sami the only good kid is an unconscious kid. She puts Sydney in the crib and tells her she knows she misses her mommy just like Sami misses Grace.

Lexie tries to comfort and counsel EJ. She thinks he attracts the lying type because he is so driven and they are afraid to make him angry. She asks if EJ would have stayed with Nicole if he had known the truth. EJ says he would like to think he would have done that, "I gave her everything and she played me for a fool."

"She won that game by default," says Lexie.

"Now," says EJ, "I've ordered Nicole and Sydney out of my life."

Lexie can't believe it, "NO! Nicole maybe but not Sydney! You are the only father she has ever known."

"Sorry," says EJ, "I have made up my feeble mind."

Sami stoops in front of Sydney's crib and rambles on about Grace. She says she thinks Rafe is having a hard time because he misses Grace so much, "He just needs time and wants to be alone. I get that. I hate it, but I get it."

Nathan tells Stephanie Melanie is at the hospital. Stephanie takes her envelope and starts to leave, but she just happens to see a hot air balloon ride flyer sitting on the table. She asks Nathan if he wants to go tonight.

Melanie snorts, "What are you accusing me of lady?"

"LADY," screams Kate, "It's Mrs. DiMera to you – you little tart. You used Phillip." Of course, Phillip arrives and hears all this. He interrupts and tells them both to calm down. Kate keeps it up, "What, did you seduce him into doing that Internet porn for bragging rights so you could tell everyone you bagged Phillip Kiriakis?" Phillip tells her to back off.

Nicole flashes back to the church where she told Stefano she did all this for EJ, not money. "Now," says Nicole, "I have to make the choice to tell EJ the truth, or take Sydney and leave Salem and never come back. But I love him so much. What would I do without him?" BAWL!

EJ tells Lexie Sydney isn't legally his, since he didn't sign adoption papers. Lexie encourages him to fight for Sydney, "Y'know, for a smart guy, you are a total idiot." One out of two ain't bad.

Sydney ramps up the crying. Panicked Sami rings the butler-bell. Harold the butler answers her beckoning, but scolds her for ringing the bell during non-bell hours. Sami tells him Sydney is hungry and asks for help. Harold says that's Mary's job. Sami threatens to tattle on him, so the poor guy caves in and goes to make some food. Sydney continues to cry. Sami continues to blabber.

Stephanie apologizes for being so pushy. Nathan 'splains things, "I'm having dinner with Melanie, so tonight is a bad night."

"Right," says Stephanie, "If you're going out with Melanie it will be a bad night for sure." Stephanie pretends to be unfazed, picks up her fundraising folder and bounces out. Outside she nearly has a stroke. Nathan checks her out through the window as she walks off.

Kate reminds Phillip, "You're rich, she's not." With that, she turns and leaves.

"She has a charming way of looking at things," says Melanie.

"Don't take what she says to heart," says Phillip.

Nicole talks to the brick wall formerly known as Stefano. Another flashback and we're headed right back where we've been before. Nicole decides Stefano can't help, "So... I have no choice."

Lexie doesn't want Sydney to have to suffer. Selfless EJ doesn't want EJ to have to suffer, so Sydney goes.

Sydney wails. The butler stares. Sami asks about a nighttime routine. Jeeves tries to be helpful, but Sami dismisses him. Sydney wails. Out in the audience, Ida Mae turns to Maude, "I ask you, where else can you get exciting entertainment like this?"

Melanie says, "Thanks for defending my honor."

"It was nothing," says Phillip.

"That's about what my honor is worth," says Melanie.

Phillip gets a call and goes into business mode. When he finishes, he hangs up and turns to find Melanie missing. Daniel comes out and they discuss Stefano's situation. Phillip asks about Melanie. Daniel tells him he heard through the grapevine she was going to the Cheatin' Heart.

Sami is on the phone with Alice arranging to dump Sydney on her, then go on a snipe hunt for EJ and Nicole. If every woman was as good with children as Sami Brady, we'd all grow up orphans.

Nicole weighs her options, "Go or stay..." Oh, the angst! She decides not to give up, "I'm going to stay and fight for my family."

Meanwhile, EJ tells Lexie it's all over. He rants about the way Nicole lied to him month after month. Nine months to be exact. Lexie tells him not to beat himself up.

Stephanie finds Daniel. She tells him she's there working on the fundraiser and welcomes him back to work after his brief brush with staring at the possibility of death row. He senses something ain' right. Stephanie asks, "You mean I'm not my usual bubbly self?"

"No," says Daniel, "Nor are you your usual dark, brooding, morose, morally bankrupt confused self." She tells him it's just that someone else came along after her relationship with Phillip crashed and burned, but he's not interested.

"Then he's a moron," says Daniel.

"Right," says Stephanie, "This was one case where opposites did not attract." Astute Daniel figures out she must be talking about Nathan. Stephanie says she thought there was something there but Nathan is dating Melanie. And, hey, Stephanie is just peachy with all this, "Onward and upward, right?"

"Onward and upward," drones Dan as Stephanie makes her exit.

Phillip finds Melanie at the Cheatin' Heart and asks why she disappeared. Nathan shows up carrying drinks, "A brewski for me and a virgin margarita for the lady."

"Margarita is the only virgin around here," says Phillip, "Not to mention being the only lady. So, are you guys on a date?"

Kate has arrived back at the DiMera mansion. The doorbell rings. Kate calls for poor, overworked Harold, but he doesn't respond. She opens the door herself to find good ole Victor. Victor comes in, makes himself at home, pours a drink and taunts, "If Stefano dies EJ will kick you out." Kate says if Stefano dies or is incapacitated she is his proxy and Victor will have to deal with her.

Nicole paints a rosy picture, "I will never give up on my baby. They will have to kill me first." She leaves.

EJ sees her come out of Stefano's room and asks what she is doing there. Sami sees them and joins the happy crowd. She's carrying Sydney, so apparently Alice wised up and declined the babysitting job. Sami gasps, "EJ! Thank God!" Nicole asks why she has Sydney and Sami explains things. "So," says Sami, "What's going on?" EJ and Nicole stare at each other.

Maggie and Stephanie plan the fundraiser at Chez Rouge. Maggie suggests roping Nathan into things. Apparently he started video game lounges for another fundraiser back in the day. Maggie thinks Nathan is just the bees knees and suggests Stephanie get to know him. Suddenly the Village Voice detects a problem, "Did something happen between you and my grandson?"

Melanie tells Phillip she and Nate are on a date. Brady walks in and Melanie runs off. Brady leaves a message for Nicole and flashes back to his "conversation" with her and EJ. Melanie pops him out of it and tells him to try the hospital if he's looking for Nicole. Brady misinterprets, but Melanie tells him about the heart attack, "What did you think I was talking about?"

EJ tells Sami about Stefano's heart attack. Sami asks if EJ wants to hold his daughter. EJ gets a look of horror on his face, points at Sydney and makes a cross with his two index fingers.

The Town Crowbar pries. Stephanie continues to insist she's not mad at Nathan, "I was interested in him until he said he's going out with Melanie."

Phillip taunts Nathan for going all out on his first date with Melanie and bringing her to the biggest dive in town. Nathan tells him that's what Melanie wanted. They do a bit of chest bumping.

Brady asks if Nicole was at the hospital. Melanie says no but she's probably there now, "Why would you think EJ did something to her?"

EJ tells Sami it's best for Sydney to be with Nicole. Nicole flashes back to the non-conversation she had with Stefano five minutes ago, and we go through all that again just in case you missed it. Nicole stares at Sami.

Sami asks, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because it just looks so strange to see you holding a child without a list of babysitters and a cell phone in front of you."

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