An Unfortunate Encounter With A Teacup Poodle

Nicole finds Brady at the Cheatin' Heart. They think it's a safe place to meet because there is pretty much no one there. "Breakfast isn't popular at the Cheatin' Heart," says Brady.

Nicole reports that things didn't go well with EJ, "But the truth is... I really don't know what he was talking about." Nor does EJ – usually. The two of them concoct the fairy tale they will be dumping on EJ. Brady rants that this scheme may fall apart, but says he will lie for her, "This secret is going to come apart."

EJ rambles on the phone asking Marco to get him info on everything Nicole has done since he met her. He hangs up and goes glassy-eyed as he replays the tape of Brady and Nicole's meeting. Behind him, a large, steaming pile of poop hangs frozen in time, suspended in mid air just before it slams into the large fan that is cooling the room.

Fade to Sami's phone. We see a picture of Rafe and her as she (OMG! OMG! OMG!) looks for job openings. Sami muses over the possibilities, "Air traffic controller... waste management... desperate actress seeking a good show..." Well. Enough of that ugly task. She goes back to reading Rafe's message and slams her computer lid down. Mia comes to the door.

Rafe zones and watches Meredith build the wall.

Nicole whines about being tired of all this. Not as tired as we are, however. She insists EJ will continue to believe Sydney is their baby if Brady gets with the program.

EJ guzzles booze and contemplates life. Marco calls. "Are you sure," asks EJ, "Thank you." He hangs up and goes back to guzzling and contemplating.

Chad finds Will outside. He says he heard about the breakup and announces that he and Mia are back together.

Mia claims she left her chemistry notebook at Sami's, but Sami figures that's really an excuse to snoop around about Will. Sami says Will told her about their breakup. She insists Mia can trust Will even though he blabbed about the baby. Mia says it's too late, "I'm already with someone else. I got back together with Chad. Chad the Dad." Sami wants to know what's really going on.

Rafe calls out for Sami. Meredith says she's glad he finally woke up, "After that last blow to the head, I thought maybe I killed you."

Rafe asks, "May I have another ma'am?"

Roman finds Arianna at the pub. He says Meredith's story checks out, "She's raising cash by renting out the home of her deceased parents."

"Bold new concept," says Arianna, "Someone in Salem actually figures out you need a little money now and then. Next thing you know your daughter will actually be looking for a job."

"Could be," says Roman, "I understand there has been a severe cold snap in hell." Arianna says Meredith acted strange last night and she hasn't heard from Rafe. "I'll keep my ears open," says Roman, "Maybe the breeze blowing through the empty space will help hell freeze over and Sami really will look for a job. I'll get back with you."

Meredith promises Rafe a slow, painful death, "It's better than you deserve." She says she couldn't save Emily from Rafe but by walling him up can save Sami and the rest of womankind the sheer boredom of being with him. Rafe fades into unconsciousness again.

Nicole and Brady show up at the mansion and join EJ in the rumpus room. Nicole tries to be upbeat, but EJ broods as he hovers on the brink of his private little black hole of despair.

Rafe mumbles, "Sami's baby is still alive." Meredith thinks she may have hit him one too many times. Her phone rings and Meredith picks it up and looks at the caller-ID. She sees it's Arianna, so she lets it go to voicemail.

Arianna leaves a message, "I will meet you at your parents' place."

Sami wonders why Mia got back together with Chad the Dad. Mia claims the baby brought them closer. Sami is skeptical especially since the average teenage guy would have a stroke if he found out his girlfriend was pregnant or had a baby, "You're lying to me about something. What are you hiding?"

Mia says, "That's all there is to it, and nothing can change it."

Will accuses Chad of lying. Chad insists he and Mia worked things out. Will resorts to name-calling, "You're a moron if you think she has feelings for you."

Chad gets macho, "You wanna start something Horton?"

"You're not worth it," sneers Will.

"Not worth what," asks Chad.

"All the broken bones and disfigured facial features I would have if I fought you," says Will. He leaves. Chad calls Mia and says they need to talk.

EJ sits like a statue. Same IQ as a statue, too. Brady launches into the fairy tale. He apologizes for ruining their honeymoon and says he was high when he made the call and is ashamed to admit he started using drugs again. EJ stops him short and tells him to get out. Brady can't resists a parting shot. He tells EJ he's lucky to have Nicole and leaves.

Nicole steps in with her spin on things. She tells EJ the secret was the drug addiction and EJ misread the situation. EJ backs off and softly whispers, "I am so sorry." We have a pregnant (no pun intended) pause and then EJ registers about a thousand on the Richter Scale, "I AM SORRY THAT I EVER BELIEVED A WORD OUT OF YOUR LYING MOUTH!"

Nicole says, "You should be even more sorry that you were dumb enough to buy it."

Sami meets Roman at the Cheatin' Heart. She tells him she has a job interview at a spa, "Its an entry lever position but I'm sure I'll work my way up to gopher in no time."

"Sami," says Roman, "You're approaching middle age. You're going to be reporting to a twenty-two year-old high school dropout in a dead end job. I couldn't be more proud of you." She tells Roman about Rafe's email. Roman tells her he knows Arianna got an email, too and that she asked Roman to look into Meredith's background as well.

Meredith calls Arianna. She tells her now isn't a good time to come over but Arianna says she really needs to talk. Rafe moans. Meredith flashes her teeth like Bo Brady at a whitening session.

Nicole tells EJ he's scaring her. It would seem, if I can inject a personal opinion, that is EJ's intent. EJ pulls out a box and slams it onto the desktop.

"What's that," asks Nicole

"You tell me what it is," says the madman.

Nicole opens it.

FAKE BABY BUMP!

Nicole sweats bullets. EJ contemplates using a few of them on her.

Roman tells Sami Meredith is back in town to fix up her parents' house.

Sami sighs, "I have to wrap my brain around the fact that Rafe is gone."

"It would be hard to wrap your brain around a dust particle," says Roman.

"My head knows it's over," says Sami, "My heart is having trouble catching up."

"Well," says Roman, "You know one thing. I'm always (say it with him) here for you." Translation: "My attention span just ran out and I want to go do something else." Sami heads for the big job interview.

Arianna insists on coming over. Meredith says no. Rafe calls out. Meredith hangs up, "What the hell am I gonna do now?"

Nicole wonders where EJ got the baby bump. She denies it's hers. "This isn't the one you bought," says EJ, "I got it at the same store, however. Did you know they have progressively bigger sizes so you can look bigger each month? Of course you know that, don't you? It must've been cumbersome when you got the big one for the 9th month."

Nicole is in shock. EJ asks, "What? Cat got your tongue? Where are your lies now?"

The wheels turn inside Nicole's brain, "OK... Fine..."

EJ gasps, "She speaks!"

Nicole stammers, "I bought the padding because... because... because..."

EJ tries to help her out and speed things up, "Because... because... because?"

Nicole is in a panic, "because... it helps you choose maternity clothes." EJ doesn't buy it. Apparently, he has bought a clue instead.

"I was pregnant," says Nicole, "It's... it's... hormones."

EJ isn't finished. He pulls out the tape recorder and plays the conversation. His hand shakes as they listen and he gives her his church-lady persimmon face.

Meredith tells Rafe he caught a break because his meddling little sister is on the way over, "What are we gonna do now? I can't finish the job."

Brady finds Arianna at the pub. He asks if she told anyone else about the miscarriage. Arianna says no. She says she understands why Brady is helping Nicole, implying there is more than just friendship behind it. She leaves.

EJ asks if Nicole wants him to replay the tape. Nicole grabs the recorder and flings it, and the fight is on. Nicole admits she had a miscarriage but says it was a few years ago. She claims she didn't lose their baby. EJ says there is more on the recording, "You lost our baby. Tell me the truth about Sydney."

Sami arrives at the pub all disheveled. Brady asks what happened. Sami says her interview at a spa turned out to be a dog spa, "I had an unfortunate encounter with a teacup poodle named Lady Windemier. You'd think my experience with bitches like Kate would have helped." It seems the poor little doggie wound up in a pool and couldn't swim. Fortunately they saved the thrashing, gasping Lady Windemier at the last minute.

Brady suggests she could run a daycare center out of her home. He really must be on drugs again. She tells him she really doesn't know where Rafe is and he offers to look.

Arianna comes into the basement and sees the half built wall.

EJ erupts and accuses Nicole of having her miscarriage this past winter. His angry body vibrates like an out-of-balance 1991 Yugo.

Sami says, "How pathetic would it be for me to ask you to look for someone who doesn't want me in his life."

"About as pathetic as some spaz who can't handle a teacup poodle," says Brady, "Just say the word and I'll go to work. I bet I can establish contact in 24 hours. Being a Kiriakis has it's perks."

"You mean besides the fact that you all get a crack at Chloe at some point," asks Sami. She thanks him but turns him down.

Arianna surveys the masonry, "I don't get it. She knew I was coming."

Meredith drags Rafe across a cement walkway, stops and rolls his body to the right.

KER-PLOP

Right into the Salem river. Fortunately for Rafe, there is so much goo in the Salem river, nothing can sink in it.

Nicole insists she didn't lose their baby. She turns on the waterworks and describes having their beautiful little girl, "In your heart you have to know that Sydney is your daughter."

EJ is on the brink of going supernova, "Every fiber of my being tells me that girl is my daughter, but That's impossible because my daughter is dead. "

Fade to a strange, yet familiar couple. Carly holds a knife and says, "I didn't realize I married such a total monster."

"And I married such a total bitch," says Lawrence.

STAB!

Suddenly, Lawrence gets the feeling that perhaps the double jalapeno pizza with cayenne pepper he had for dinner isn't agreeing with him.

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