Dissemblage

First things first. Here's a short recap of what we missed yesterday...

Nicole and EJ arrive in Paris. Happiness abounds. They put the honey in honeymoon. Unsupervised, Sydney becomes a dancer in the Folies Bergère.

Stefano informs EJ he married Kate. EJ has a stroke.

Will is upset about what happened to his dad. Maggie tells him about the Stef'n-Ho marriage.

Kate dreams about Daniel. Phillip tells her about Lucas' episode and blows his stack at her. Later, she meets Daniel for real and tells him about her marriage to Stefano. She overhears as Lucas once again disowns her.

Phillip warns Stefano. Stefano warns back.

Sami lectures Lucas for his binge. She says if he doesn't clean up his act he will never see his daughter again. She forces him to check into rehab. Lucas tells Sami Mia is an addict.

Lucas apologizes to Will and we have a barf-bag worthy father-son moment.

Arianna badgers Troy to introduce her to the big boss. She insinuates she will sleep with him if he makes the introduction. Brady accuses her of coming on to Troy. Arianna lets it slip she knows Nicole had a miscarriage.

Arianna shows up at Sami's apartment demanding to see Rafe.

Brady goes searching for Nicole. He calls her cell phone and EJ answers, but the connection is bad. Brady thinks it's Nicole and says the secret is out.

Chloe shows up at the hospital and stirs things up. Lucas asks Chloe's forgiveness and says it will take a while for him to forgive her. Much to the delight of the Lumis, it's goodbye to Chloe and Lucas.

Daniel proposes. For the first time ever, Chloe is at a loss for words.

* * * * *
And now for today's thrilling episode...

Brady is outside struggling with phone reception. He thinks he's got Nicole on the phone. Inside the hotel room, EJ listens as Brady says, "Nicole, I need to talk to you. The secret is out! Call me back."

"What secret would that be," asks EJ. Brady hears EJ's voice, his eyes go wide and... well... unfortunately he didn't wear his Depends today.

Daniel takes a knee, "Chloe... will you marry me? Will you make me the happiest man in the world?" He means except for Lucas, of course, who gets rid of the two-timing ho.

Chloe beams, "Yes, of course I will marry you."

Mia is in the kitchen. She gets a call from Chad. He says he's at the hospital to check up on Lucas. Mia tells him Lucas has already checked out and gone to get help.

"Get help," repeats Chad, "Just like you did?"

"That's right," says Mia, "Lucas is pregnant."

Chad says her going to rehab doesn't make sense, "It can't be true."

Arianna is at Sami's place confronting her, "Where is my brother? If I find out you did something... so help me God..."

God rolls His eyes and longs for times past and towns with simple problems like Sodom and Gomorrah.

Rafe wakes up, stares at Meredith and asks, "What the hell are you doing?"

Meredith sneers, "What I should have done years ago when you killed my sister."

"Years," asks Rafe, but she just died last year."

"They SORASed her death," says Meredith.

Mia don' give no stinkin' flip what Chad thinks, "Stay away from me." She hangs up. Will shows up.

He says he's doing better now that Lucas is in rehab, "I respect what you did. You didn't want your baby to go through what I have. You gave her up to parents who can really love her."

EJ grits his teeth a la Bo Brady, "Answer me Brady!" Brady tells him to put Nicole on the line. EJ refuses and Brady hangs up. Nicole bounces in all happy-happy. EJ bursts her balloon and tells her what Brady said, "What secret is he referring to?"

Mia says, "I almost changed my mind a buncha times." If you don't speak teen, 'a buncha' means 'several.' "The parents," she assures him, "are great people."

"It was a closed adoption," says Will, "So how would you know that?" Oops.

Nicole says she just can't imagine what Brady is talking about. She plays dumb. It's not a stretch. Stern EJ proposes she call Brady while he listens in on the fun.

Arianna softens and says she realizes Sami really doesn't know where Rafe is, "My brother is crazy in love with you."

"One out of two ain't bad," says Sami, "So why doesn't he call?"

"Because something is terribly wrong."

Rafe insists he loved Meredith's sister. He says he fell in love with Sami, but Sami wasn't a replacement for Emily, "I never forgot about her. She meant everything to me. How can you thin you'll get away with this?"

"That's just it," says glassy-eyed wacko Meredith, "I don't want to."

Danny boy puts the ring on Chloe's finger and they smooch around on each other. Chloe is sooooo happy. And sooooo married. "Now," says Daniel, "we will be together for all the Days Of Our Lives." Daniel decides they should tell Victor, "I'm hoping his attitude toward you will change. Maybe we can get him to move from seething hatred to simple dislike and disgust." He tells her Victor supported him while she was in the coma. Daniel decides he can't wait to tell Victor. Chloe says while he is doing that, she wants to share the news with someone.

Mia bobs and weaves and says the report at the adoption agency said the new parents were good people. Will buys it, says he knows she gave the baby away out of love and we have a tender hug until Mia's phone rings. It's Brady. He tells her he needs to see her right away.

EJ hands Nicole the phone. Nicole stammers. EJ says he will make the call and grabs for the phone. Nicole stops him, "Just give me a couple minutes and I will make up some cockamamie story and tell you what's going on."

"That will be a first," says EJ.

Nicole sighs and weaves her tale. She says she thinks Brady is doing cocaine again. EJ feigns concern. Nicole rambles on and wings it until EJ blows up and accuses her of lying. Nicole chokes. EJ scowls.

Brady finds out Mia is at home and says he'll be right over. Mia hangs up and tells Will it was Maggie. He smooches her and starts to go. She stops him, "You are the best person I've ever met. Your parents must've done something right."

"They did," says Will, "They sent me away and let Uncle Austin and Aunt Carrie raise me."

EJ paces and lectures, "I have been sensitive to your tendency to dissemble from time to time." For those of you who don't speak adult-with-the-mind-of-a-teen, that means she has a tendency to 'make things up.' "I heard Brady on the phone," he says, "and he was sober and serious."

"I know," whines Nicole, "His behavior is erratic."

"So you've known about it for weeks," says EJ, "and this is the first I hear of it?"

"Yes," says Nicole, "Because I know you don't like him."

EJ jams the phone in her face, "Just make the call. Call him!"

Meredith tells Rafe she lost her job at the hospital because they said she was unstable.

"I can't imagine," says Rafe, "People lose jobs. It happens. When you lose a job you just find another."

"Don't patronize me," snaps Meredith, "I can't go on without my sister. She knew how to make me OK. We were the same person and now that she's gone I'm just getting by day to day. That's why I don't care if I get arrested or die, just as long as you die first.

"I wouldn't think of it," says Rafe, "Ladies first."

Chloe meets with Father Matt at the pier. She thanks him for his help. "I've been thinking," says Chloe.

"God does work miracles," says Father Matt.

Chloe tells him she's listened to her heart and realizes Lucas and her were never meant to be together. She thanks him for his understanding, "I know ours wasn't a real marriage."

"The Catholic church doesn't condone divorce," says Father Matt.

"But you know the higher-ups," says Chloe, "How about an annulment?"

"An annulment," asks Father Matt.

Chloe beams, "Daniel just proposed. It would mean more to me than anything if you and God would bless our union."

God rolls His eyes and longs for times past and towns with simple problems like Sodom and Gomorrah.

Victor hugs Daniel. He's so happy. Apparently Daniel has told him he's staying at the hospital but hasn't dropped the Chloe bomb. They kibbutz around about Kate. "I have some other news," says chipper ole Dan, "Chloe and I are getting married."

Mt. Vicsuvius erupts.

Arianna decides it was a mistake to come and see Sami. So instead of leaving she rants about how much Rafe thinks of Sami and what an ingrate Sami is.

Rafe tells Meredith she can walk away from this. She accuses him of begging for his life and swears she is avenging Emily's death. She walks over to an old cabinet and takes a brick off of it, then quotes Romeo and Juliet...

"Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun."
SLAM!

William Shakespeare shakes his head, "My work... my life... has come to this... soap opera fodder." He breaks down.

Ernest Hemingway walks up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder, "You're wrong, Will. They don't sell soap any more. These days they sell feminine hygiene products."

Sami defends herself, "I am not good enough for Rafe but I love him." Hearing that testimony to Sami's self-esteem, Arianna backs off and says she had no right to say what she did. They agree to let each other know if they hear from Rafe.

Arianna leaves. The fools' parade continues as Will arrives. "We need to talk about Mia," says Sami.

Brady tells Mia he screwed up and isn't sure EJ and Nicole can give her baby a happy life.

Nicole refuses to call Brady, "We are on our honeymoon."

"And," says EJ, "You are refusing to put my mind at ease."

"There is no putting your mind at ease," says Nicole, "It's one of the most active vacuums I've ever seen." EJ vows to find out the truth. She tells him to call Brady himself.

EJ says he knows Brady won't talk to him and decides they will have to talk to EJ in person, "I will get the truth out of both of you in a flash." He leaves.

Victor swills a big drink, "I'm sure Chloe has her charms but look at her track record. Phillip, Brady Lucas..."

"Maybe those men were a little screwed up before they got involved with her," says Daniel.

"Screwed up," asks Victor, "You mean like being a teen-molesting, grandma-chasing, patient-groping letch? She destroys every man she touches. I won't let her do that to you." Too late.

Sami says Lucas told her about Mia. Will tells her the substance abuse issue is a lie, "She said that because she didn't want them to know she had a baby."

"She had a baby," gasps Sami, "She gave it up?"

Brady says EJ doesn't know the big secret, but is suspicious. He says he can't get hold of Nicole. Mia loses it and Brady tells her to be calm. Chad stands outside and eavesdrops.

We pan away from the offending brick. Just as we suspected, Rafe's hard head has crushed it to dust. Rafe slumps unconscious and bleeding. Meredith rambles, "I read the police report. I know Emily suffered. That's why your death will be slow and painful."

Out in the audience, Gertrude turns to Beulah, "I guess that means she's going to make him come out here and watch along with us."

Daniel says he gave Victor too much credit thinking he would take the high road. Victor insists loving Chloe will be Daniel's downfall. Chloe stands outside the door and listens as Victor refuses to give his blessing, "I'd rather die than see you marry that whore."

Chloe sticks her head in the room, "That's OK with me."

Brady tells Mia they will talk soon and assures her she will get through this. He leaves. Mia stares, "Will... oh God!"

God rolls His eyes, "Not again."

Will asks Sami not to tell anyone. Mia calls, "Whatever you do, don't tell anyone about my baby. Ever." Will says he will come and see her. He hangs up tells Sami they will talk later. He leaves.

Chad comes into the kitchen. Mia jumps out of her socks, "You scared me. What are you doing here?"

"You had a baby." Mia swallows her tongue. "We had sex," says Chad, "You were a virgin. The baby you had and gave away was mine, wasn't it?" The guy's as sharp as a marble.

Nicole and EJ are on the plane winging their way back to Salem. Nicole broods. EJ paces, "Are you just going to stonewall me the entire way home?"

"No," says Nicole, "I'm going to tell you the truth, now. EJ sits and prepares himself for more dissemblage.

Sami calls and leaves another whiny, forlorn message for Rafe.

Rafe, however, is tied up at the moment. Insane Meredith rants, "When you wake up maybe you'll be sorry for what you did to my sister and sorry you're still alive."

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