Salem: 06643

Salem is an elusive place and is, as many have pointed out allegedly close to the ocean, located near a major international airport, possibly somewhere around the 32nd parallel, subject to the torrents of summer and snows of winter and is but a stone's throw from Europe. Oh, yeah, and all the residents seem to be Cubs and Bears fans.

Heck, it's a fictional town and I guess they can say anything they want about it. However, fans have time and again asked for consistency. I mean, they don't get much snow on the 32nd parallel.

Well, yesterday, the writers made a tactical error when they started out the show by zooming in on a closeup of Trent's driver's license. They strategically listed his residence as Salem, USA. No state. But what they neglected to hide was the zip code. Clearly visible the viewer discovers the zip code of Salem is 06643. This was not the first time we have seen this zip code listed for Salem, but this time, it triggered something. A zip code must designate a nearly exact location. So we went sent a crack team of Prevuze scientists, armed with this clue, off searching.

First of all Team Prevuze hit the USPS zip code database and found the zip 06643 doesn't exist. No problem. Fictional town, fictional zip code. Makes sense.

Then our brainiacs studied the layout map for all US zip codes and discovered zips with the prefix "06" are exclusively located in the state of Connecticut. Further, we determined the two locations closest to zip 06643 are Stratford, CT (06615) and Bridgeport, CT (06650).

We handed this information over to our interpolative scientist, Dr. Rolf Nietsnie who finished the job. He gave us this report, "Ve ran zerial multiple regrezzions on zee data provided, taking into conzideration vind direction und velozity, factored in ground zlope and tectonic plate zhift durink zee Pleiztocene age and fed zee data into zee Prevuze zuper computer. After zeveral hourz of calculizationz and two vloppy disk failurez, ve finally determined zee exact location, never before revealed, of Zalem, USA. I am pleazed to announze zat Zalem is located wizzin zee radiuz of 1.01 milez NE of Bridgeport and 1.73 milez SW of Ztratford, CT, bazed exclusively on zip code interpolation.

Now, taking zeeze important findingz insto conzideration, ve have ze following announcementz to make. Virzt, given zee zize of Zalem and itz international airport and including zee red light diztrict, Ztratford and Bridgeport, get zee hell out of zee vay. You vill now be Burroughz of Zalem.

Zecondly, Zere is already a town to zee norzeast claiming zee name of Zalem, Ct. Under zee internazional auzority of ze Bureau of Weightz and Meazures, ve hereby deklare zat plaze no lonker exizts. Beginnink Monday morning zee inzipid name-ztealink zwamp formerly known as Zalem, CT will be paved over to be a chiant parking lot for zee new zports complex vhich vill be built zere. If you live zere, you'd better get packink.

Finally, it is our privilege to announze zat zee Chikako Cubz und zee Chikako Bearz vill move to zee eazt koast und play in zat zportz complex beginnink next zeason. Und vith zat, I give you zee newly dizcovered Zalem, CT."

Now, we realize with practically every single state in the union claiming to be the home of Salem, this data might be just a tad controversial. So, since this is an election year we want to emulate our great politicians by making as many people happy while using as many words as possible to say as little as possible as we can. So, in that light, we will refer you to a couple of previous posts. Click on these links which prove...

Salem is in Utah.

Salem is pretty much everywhere.

And with that, we wish you all a great weekend. It's likely to be one of the last weekends with great weather in many locations, so get out and enjoy it if you can. And for those of you with boats, this may be your last chance this year to get out and (say it with me)... Salem.