Beefcake On The Hoof

Nicole comes into the DiMera mansion calling for Rolf, because he's the only one who can get Stefano to release Sami and EJ from the hospital. She wanders, drinks and wonders, "Sami and EJ are already making love and there is nothing I can do to stop them. I don't understand what he sees in her. I don't understand how he could want to be with someone he has to make choose to love him."

Fade to Black and white...

BANG! BANG!

Lucas sits at the desk in his seedy PI office. His voice drones in the background, "It was nothing but a backfire. I should have known. Friday and the office was dead. Maybe I should take in a few hot spots and take the little woman. I just hope the wife found a way to beat the heat tonight."

"OOOOHHHHHHHH! OOOOHHHHHHHH! OOOOHHHHHHHH!"

Sami and EJ romp. They roll over heaving for air. Sami squeals, "Every girl should get herself a Limey. Are all the Brits that good?"

"You gotta have the tools to get the job done," says EJ.

"So what's your secret," asks Sami, "You're hot stuff, Junior."

"Don't call me Junior," says Junior. They commiserate about how hot it is. EJ compares the heat to some of the places he has been.

"You've been everywhere," says Sami, "Lucas took me to Hialeah once, but we had to sleep in the car."

EJ says he learned a lot in Singapore. Sami cuddles in, "You do things Lucas would never do."

EJ says, "Remember, we don't talk about your husband."

Sami squeaks, "Or your wife." Suddenly, we hear noises outside. EJ rushes Sami into the closet.

Club Marlowe! Chloe the frump sits at a table finishing her coffee. Phillip asks her if she is all right. She wants to be left alone. "Maybe I can help," says Phillip. An oil slick forms beneath his feet.

Nicole comes into the bedroom. EJ has thrown on a robe, but it remains untied for yet another gratuitous show. He walks toward the door as Nicole comes in. "Junior, I don't know why I buy you suits. Nothin' beats beefcake on the hoof." EJ asks where she's been, "Out looking for a cool breeze. And what has my hubby been up to?"

"I've been trying to take a nap but it's too hot."

"I wonder if that's all you've been up to."

Back to reality... Nicole stares and drinks.

Fade to Black and white...

Lucas narrates, "I try to keep off the hooch when I'm on the job, but lately there is no job. I had to let my secretary go. I hope she lands on her feet. In real life, she usually lands on her back."

Phillip offers to help Chloe. Chloe gasps, "I'm not that kind of girl!"

"This really must be a fantasy," says Phillip, "I'll buy your coffee."

"I'll pay for it myself, thank you." Chloe digs into her purse, but the cupboard is bare, "Oh, I thought I had a nickel in here."

"Being broke is no crime," says Phillip, "but I have a couple jobs open. I'm the boss around there."

"I can sing," says Chloe.

"My clientèle doesn't go for hymns," says Phillip.

Nicole wonders if EJ is trying to pull the wool over her eyes. She says she doesn't like to share her toys once she owns them. EJ insists she's the only gal for him, "I'm in love with your lips."

"And daddy's bank account," says Nicole, "I don't mind as long as you love only me." EJ insists he does. Nicole says if she ever found out he's two timing he'd be sorry.

EJ says he will always be faithful, "That's what marriage is about."

"You don't watch DOOL, do you," asks Nicole.

"How about a highball," says EJ, "Then maybe something else."

Nicole thinks that is a good idea. EJ finds there is no ice in the bucket. Nicole says she'll get some and then clean up the room, "I hate getting in an unmade bed. Take a shower big boy you're all sweaty."

Sami stands in the closet and frets. Nicole finally leaves. EJ hustles her out, walks back in, lights a cigarette and walks past a telltale earring on the floor.

Nicole sweeps the bedroom. EJ yells in, "Why don't you join me in the shower?" Nicole says she just had her hair done and doesn't want to mess it up. "I'll probably mess it up later," says EJ. Nicole continues to sweep. The vacuum bumps into the damning earring. Nicole picks it up and broods.

Lucas narrates, "Things are tough all over. At least I got the love of a good woman."

Sami arrives, "There's my man." Lucas makes a move. Sami wiggles away from him, "It's too hot." Lucas tells her business is DOA. All his bills are overdue. "You've had dry spells before," says Sami, "You were on DOOL once."

"We're broke," says Lucas, "Dead broke. I need your engagement ring."

"It's still in hock," says Sami, "And I don't think the wedding band is worth much."

"Don't say that," says Lucas, "Mine is worth everything. We'll think of something."

Sami asks, "You want my earrings? They're valuable." Lucas thinks that's a good idea. Sami reaches up to take them off, but discovers she's lost one. They search the office but don't find it.

Lucas says, "We have to retrace your steps. Where have you been today?"

Sami says, "I've been all over today, baby." We have a flashback to her main stop with EJ. "It could be anywhere."

"Lucas reassures her, "Something will turn up."

Meanwhile, back at Club Marlowe, Chloe auditions. She sings "I've got it bad and that ain't good." Phillip listens. She finishes. He applauds and offers her a full time job, "It's no bed of roses. He thinks she's kind of suspicious.

Chloe is suspicious of him, too, "The girls at the Y say all men are beasts."

Phillip gives her the once-over, "You have a long way to go before the guys start chasing you. Pinup girls don't get their clothes at the Salvation Army." He removes her glasses.

"Chloe whines, "I can't see!"

"We can see you," says Phillip, "That's all that matters. We'll dress you up and you'll be fine. Maybe better than fine."

Nicole comes in to see Lucas. She hands him a newspaper and asks if the story is true. Lucas says it is, "A couple months ago I helped put big Louie in the pen and now the underworld has taken me off its Christmas list. They put the freeze on ole Lucas Horton. If you hire me a goon will show up and tell you to take your business elsewhere."

Nicole says she doesn't scare easily. She lights up, "What I need is a good PI."

"What a coincidence," says Lucas, "What I need is a good client. $35 a day plus expenses."

Nicole puffs, "Make it $25."

Lucas plays hardball, "Let's make it $40 — in advance."

"That's more than I get for acting on DOOL," says Nicole, "I like your spunk. I want you to find someone for me."

Lucas asks, "Who?"

Nicole says, "The cheap tart who's been sleeping with my husband."

"I need a name, or clues or something," says Lucas. Nicole pulls out the telltale earring and shows it to him.

Dressed up Chloe sings to the crowd, "I've got it bad and that ain't good." When you're show's on a budget, why pay for the rights to more than one song? Phillip smokes and works the crowd. EJ orders champagne and asks who the new singer is.

"She's taken," says Phillip, "but just doesn't know it yet." He starts the applause when she finishes.

Lucas is stunned. Nicole asks, "What's the matter Shamus?"

Lucas asks, "Where did you get that earring?"

"In my bedroom after I was fool enough to leave my husband alone."

Lucas turns and stares out the window, "It's your lucky day. Case closed. Hardest money I ever earned. Your little case just broke my heart. That cheap tart is my wife. That's her earring."

"Small world, huh," says Nicole, "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Don't worry," says Lucas, "I'll think of something."

Lucas sits alone in his office and checks his pistol. Chloe comes in to see him. Lucas looks up and sees her all dressed up, "Miss Lane, is that you?"

"It's me," she says, "I got a little glammed up."

Lucas asks, "What happened to my quiet little secretary would could hardly make a decent cup of Joe?"

She tells him she got a new job, but doesn't specify what it is, "You've been really nice to me, Mr. Horton and I know you're having a hard time. I brought you some cash."

"That's a lot of somolians," says Lucas, "But the day I take a handout from a dame is the day they bury me. What are you doing to earn this kind of money, anyway? You're not doing something you might regret?"

"Like what," asks Chloe. She gasps, "Oh no! Not that! I'm not that kind of girl!"

"This really must be a fantasy," says Lucas.

Chloe says, "My heart belongs to one man and one man only."

Lucas asks, "Oh yeah, who's that?"

Chloe says, "Some PI." Lucas moves in.

EJ takes Sami to club Marlowe. She wishes her husband could buy her nice things like the dress she is wearing.

Phillip surveys the scene, walks up and asks, "Would you like a table or bed?"

Sami goes to powder her nose. She giggles off. Phillip and EJ light up. Phillip gives EJ some advice, "Watch out or your two timing will be the death of you."

"After this episode, we'll all die of lung cancer before Nicole catches on," says EJ.

Lucas walks away. Chloe whines, "Didn't I do it right?"

"The way I'm feeling now is illegal," says Lucas.

"That's a compliment, right," asks Chloe.

"Where have you been all these years," asks Lucas, "I would pay to be with you but it's illegal in every state except Nevada. And I won't cheat on my marriage."

"Sami does," says Chloe, "She could never love you the way I do."

Nicole walks in. Lucas says, "Miss Walker...."

"It's Mrs. DiMera," snorts Nicole. She turns to Chloe, "He's the private dick, I'm the client and you're in the way. I'm ready to go on a stakeout."

"You don't want to do that," says Lucas, "I'll bring you pictures."

"I'm coming whether you like it or not," says Nicole. She turns to Chloe, "Don't worry... I'm not the competition."

"I have to get back to work," says Chloe. She turns to Lucas, "If you change your mind let me know."

"How do I get hold of you," asks Lucas.

"Just whistle."

"I don't know how to whistle," says Lucas.

"You just put your lips together and blow." Chloe slinks out the door.

"Man," says Nicole, "These writers even have to steal their bad dialog. Look at you. You just got burned by one dame and you're already soft on another." Nicole and Lucas leave together.

Back at Club Marlowe, Sami giggles as EJ smooches. Nicole and Lucas come in. "Look at that," says Lucas, "my wife and your husband. I left the camera in the car."

Chloe sings as Sami and EJ dance.

Later, Sami comes in the office looking for Lucas. "The jig is up," says Lucas, "I saw you at Club Marlowe. You didn't come home last night. How long has it been, and how many guys?"

Sami's busted, "EJ was the first. This week."

"Will he be the last," asks Lucas.

"I'm going away with him," says Sami, "I'm sorry." Sami gives him her wedding band and runs out.

Lucas stares at the ring, "You and me both sweetheart."

Phillip tells Chloe to forget Lucas. He says he knows one guy who would do anything to make her happy if she would give him a chance.

EJ packs. Nicole asks where he is going. EJ says, "I'm going off for business."

"Monkey business?"

"Things will be different from now on," says EJ, "But there is no other dame."

He starts to leave, but Nicole blocks him, "You can't go."

"Watch me," says EJ. Nicole begs. EJ kisses her, "Goodbye." He leaves.

Nicole sneers, "No one walks out on me. It's not over till I say it's over, Junior."

Phillip kisses Chloe. Lucas walks in.

Sami bounces into the bedroom calling for EJ. "Looking for someone," asks Nicole.

Uncomfortable Sami apologizes for barging in, "Look... lady..."

Nicole asks, "Does a tramp like you even know what a lady is? How dare you barge into my home." Nicole stands up and slides off her scarf as Sami turns to go. Nicole twirls the scarf around Sami's neck and tightens it. Sami chokes, struggles, frees herself and falls backwards onto the bed. Nicole stuffs a pillow into her face and holds it there until Sami stops wiggling, "That's what you get, Goldilocks, for sleeping in mommy bear's bed."

Back to reality. Nicole says, "Funny how I always end up the bad girl."


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