I'm The Bastard

Anna snoozes on the couch wearing her avocado and cocoanut oil facial mask as Tony knocks at the door. Acting very put out, she gets up and sashays over, "I'm ccooommmiiinnnggg..." She opens the door. Tony sees the mask and jumps out of his skin. She wonders why he came unglued, since it's only a beauty mask.

"'Beauty mask' is a misnomer," says Tony as he tries to recover from the shock, "I need you to come with me. It's a matter of life and death. Not to mention great exaggeration."

Sami and EJ are in a car. Sami lectures him about driving so fast. They're on the way to the mansion. It seems Marlena has asked them to stop by but didn't say why. EJ thinks as a wife she's a nag. Sami's glad they've decided to get an annulment.

John strolls around the mansion with Marlena. He says his memory of the mansion is foggy. He didn't realize there were so many rooms. He wonders how much all of this is worth. Marlena says it was bought with blood money. John don' give a flying leap. He looks for bank records to see how much Stefano was raking in. Marlena can't believe he's talking like a DiMera.

Lexie comes into Kayla's room and asks how Kayla is doing. She thinks she's better physically, but not emotionally. Lexie tells her the spotting and cramping have stopped, but can't confirm it until she confers with Marlena. The spotting and cramping may have stopped, but unfortunately, the talking hasn't.. Kayla thinks Steve was a hero on the plane, what with the way he landed it when he was unconscious.

Roman helps Patch back into bed, under protest. Roman is there to talk to Patch about the crash, "Tell me everything you know." This will no doubt be a short conversation.

Patch says he just knows it was sabotage and will make sure the person who did it burns in hell or marries Hope after Bo is gone – Same thing.

Tony wants to come in. Anna pushes him back, "Wait right there – I'm not speaking to you."

"You're speaking to me right now," says the ever-observant but less-than-tactful Tony. Anna breaks down and invites him in. He fills her in on Stefano's condition. He says Marlena wants him to stop by the mansion. He's worried Stefano recovered and will be angry, so he wants the woman he loves by his side. Anna isn't thrilled, "Next you'll be asking me to hold your hand while you cross the street." Tony says he just wanted an excuse to spend time with her. He turns on the sweet-talk afterburners. Anna falls for it hook, line and sinker and will be accompanying him to the mansion.

EJ wonders if little Johnny could stay with him now that he and Sami are back in separate apartments – Allie, too. Sami remains silent. EJ tells her to forget it. Sami can't believe her family was in the crash, OMB is dead and Bo is sick. She feels like the vendetta is back on. She sympathizes with EJ and says she thinks it must have been hard for him to abandon Stefano. EJ has been hoping for news of his recovery. Sami says no way would John move in if Stefano was recovering. "Unless he was still under my father's control," says EJ.

That does it. Sami presses the panic button and tells him to get there fast.

John says he sounds like a DiMera because he is one. Marlena insists he is much more a Brady and was even more a Brady when he was Roman. She reminds him he has had money before. He thinks he just never knew how to put it to good use, "There is a new heir in town."

Bugs Bunny sticks his head in the door, "And I'm here to stay, too." He looks over at Marlena, "By the way... What's up, Doc?"

John decides he wants to visit Stefano and make sure he is out of the picture.

Patch describes the sabotage on the plane, "The wires were as fried as I was." Roman thinks it's unlikely Stefano was behind this. He wonders if there was a single target or if the evil perp was after everyone, "If it was a single target that person would have to be really crazy to want to kill the others, too."

Patch flashes back to the Mystery Woman, "You're right, that person would have to be pretty damn crazy."

"Unfortunately, that eliminates practically no one in Salem," says Roman.

Lexie and Kayla talk about Lexie missing Stefano and form a mutual admiration society. Kayla congratulates her new boss on becoming Chief of Staph, but seethes inside. Boss-Lexie orders Kayla to rest as she leaves the room. Outside, she puts Kayla's record with others filed there. She also places a neon sign above it. The sign blinks on and off, "KAYLA'S MEDICAL RECORD... KAYLA'S MEDICAL RECORD..."

As Lexie leaves, Mystery Woman walks up to the nurses' station, "Excuse me, nurse, where is Steve Johnson's room?"

Roman tells Patch if he remembers anything to call. Patch says he is sorry about OMB. Roman thanks him and leaves. Once the door is closed, Patch goes bonkers, "Oh, God, oh God! I'm the one she wanted." He picks a glass up off his tray and fires it across the room. The glass shatters and a nurse immediately runs into the room. She's the spitting image of William 'The Refrigerator' Perry. That was terribly insensitive. I take that back with humble apologies to The Refrigerator. Steve whines, "You got to help me."

Outside, Mystery Woman watches Patch and The Fridge struggle.

Tony and Anna arrive at the mansion with Sami and EJ close behind. Opera music blares. Everyone sees a man sitting in a leather chair with its back turned to them. The man is holding a drink and, of course, everyone jumps to conclusions. Sami immediately goes into her blithering panic mode. Marlena turns off the music. Sami asks when Stefano recovered. John stands up, turns around and thanks Marlena for turning off the music. Everyone, of course, thought John was Stefano. Marlena explains why they are there, "Colleen faked her death. The first time. As far as we know, she hasn't returned from the dead after her second death. But give it time." Marlena informs them about Santo and Colleen having a child. Everyone wonders where that child is.

"Right here," says John, "I'm the bastard."

"We know," says Sami, "But where is Santo and Colleen's kid?"

You're a Brady? Asks Anna.

Sami goes into overdrive. Tony goes over their relationship. Sami is dumbfounded. Sorry for the redundancy. She gasps, "You are Stefano's half brother?"

Lexie comes in right on cue, "What did you say?"

They fill Lexie in. Lexie is dumbfounded. Sorry for the redundancy. She looks at John, "You're actually my uncle?" Uncle John gives a snotty smile.

Everyone jumps in trying to figure out who is who's cousin, brother, uncle, love child and everything else. John brings things to a halt, "Let's reconstruct the family tree another time. I want to see the estate." EJ steps in and asks what business that is of John's. John thinks he's entitled, "I think I may get control of just about everything."

Marlena wants to know why he would want it, since he's already rich. "Let's just say I'm curious about my roots," says John.

Across the room, Anna looks at her hair in the mirror. She's curious about her roots, too. John leads a toast to... who else... Uncle John.

Mystery Woman watches the struggle inside Patch's room. Another nurse blocks her view and closes the door. Inside, Patch wrestles The Fridge. She gives him a sedative against his wishes, and then leaves. Outside, The Fridge takes out a bullhorn, "I had to sedate Mr. Johnson. Repeat... I had to sedate Mr. Johnson." Mystery Woman watches and soaks it in.

The Fridge hands the bullhorn to the orderly who announces. "Have you heard the good news? Dr. Kayla Johnson is pregnant. Repeat... Dr. Kayla Johnson is pregnant."

Mystery Woman continues to listen in. She gets up and says when she was asking for Patch's room before she really meant to ask where Kayla's room is. The orderly directs her.

Mystery Woman turns and heads for Kayla's room. She ain' goin nowhere. The Fridge steps in, blocks her and announces visiting hours are over. Mystery Woman walks off and stares. Meanwhile a locomotive tries to crash into Kayla's room. The Fridge easily blocks that, too.

The DiMera kids talk to Marlena about what John is up to. Marlena says, "I saw glimpses of the old John in Ireland but he's a complete stranger to me. Well, after the little incident in the pup tent, he's not a complete stranger..."

As John continues to survey the mansion's treasure trove, Sami tells him Marlena isn't interested in material possessions.

Anna chimes in, "I never did understand that about her."

John interrupts Sami's ranging, "If you see a switch on me, why don't you flip it? I like me as I am." He turns to Anna, "You like me, don't you."

"Well," smiles Anna, "I do think we have a lot more in common, now."

Sweet Sami hauls off and stomps on Anna's foot, "YOU'RE NOT HELPING!"

Anna staggers over to the couch and sits down. John goes over and rubs Anna's foot. Anna gets into it. John lectures her on the various zones on the foot, "This area controls pain... and this area... controls pleasure."

Tony walks in on the footfettishfest, "What's going on here."

The mansion is empty except for John and Marlena. Marlena is glad everyone left. She asks John if he's coming home. "I am home," drones Automa-John.

"Are you planning on living here," asks Marlena. He tells her she can stay if she likes. Marlena isn't comfortable there. She gets close and says she's not giving up on him.

"Good to know," says John. She kisses his forehead. As she leaves, she takes one look back for good measure.

Drip, drip, drip. We pan back from Patch's IV and pan in on Patch. Drip. Patch groans and huffs, "I've gotta find her." An orderly brings him a note. Patch opens the envelope. Patch reads and gasps, "OMG! She's here!"

We get a close look at the card, which says, "That bitch will never have your baby!"

Anna insists John was just massaging her foot. Tony thinks she was behaving like a silly schoolgirl. He knows why John was flirting with her, "How could he not? You are such an enchanting and magnificent creature. Why don't we stay the night."

The sweet talk doesn't work this time. Anna smiles, "You can't. Tomorrow is my first day of work."

Tony asks about that. She says he never takes her seriously. She says she's taken a job as an exec at an ad agency – his competition, "As of now we are officially rivals." Tony gulps.

Sami can't believe John is a DiMera. EJ can't believe he's a Brady. They bicker about the Bradys and DiMeras. Sami decides she's just worried about her mom. She thinks Marlena is blind to what John has become.

Patch huffs and whines. He calls Kayla's name and does a slide job out of bed. Kayla discovers him on the floor. She says she snuck out of her room to see him. She wonders if he was sneaking out to see her, too. He asks if the baby is OK. She assures him it is and helps him back into bed. Patch protests. Kayla tells him The Fridge said he was so agitated she had to sedate him.

Patch struggles to talk, "I gotta tell you someth..."

Kayla gasps, "What is it?" Patch zones off.

Tony says he would have given Anna a job. Anna doesn't want him to give her anything, "You think I'm just an empty headed little air head who can't stand on her own two feet."

"That's not true," says Tony, "I never said you couldn't stand on your own two feet." They argue. She's going to prove she's a force to be reckoned with. Tony reminds her he has the resources and experience. Anna thinks she has the vision. It starts to sound like a Hillary-Obama debate.

Tony tries a different tact. He moves in and says he loves her and she doesn't have to prove anything. She says she wants his love and his respect. "I must be doing something wrong," says Tony. He takes his coat and says goodnight.

Anna turns and goes to the door after he shuts it. They do the hands on the door thing as Tony stands on one side of the door and Anna on the other.

EJ wonders if Sami really thinks John is a danger to Marlena. Sami doesn't know. She thinks their situations don't compare, though, "Because Marlena really loves John."

EJ asks, "And you don't love me?"

Confused Sami doesn't answer the question, "We're just going to get the annulment. I don't want to talk about it."

"Yes dear."

John surveys the mansion. He stands in front of a painting of Stefano, "Well, big brother, it looks like I'm getting what I deserve and so are you. Thanks for setting me up in such fine accommodations. Here's to you... Stefano DiMera."

Patch whispers. He has something to say, "You..."

Kayla kisses him, "Sweet dreams, baby." She leaves. Pan to the card on the floor.


Previews
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