Sliding Down A Pole With My Clothes Off

Stephanie and Patch have the all-important father-daughter talk. Patch thinks Jeremy is a wise-ass loser, "He's going to hurt you."

"You should know all about that," snorts Stephanie, "You have to earn the daddy hat now."

Adrienne tries to referee. Stephanie jumps all over her, too. Patch isn't happy about missing out on her childhood and he says he didn't walk out on her. Stephanie won't listen. She nukes, "You don't even know who I am!"

"All I know is you're a different person than you were six months ago," says Patch.

Doris asks Shawn and Belle if the picture is her daughter. Belle blubbers. It's Claire. Doris says Evelyn Quarry is the mother's name. She tells them Evelyn lives in a small town in Indiana, just a few hours from Chicago. Doris goes to make a phone call to the main office and tell them about the issue.

Bo and Hope listen to the sounds of hell coming from the tunnel. Julie wonders if it is human. Bo is determined to check it out. Hope argues. Doug calls down. He tells the voice they want to help.

At first, silence. Then the voice moans, "Hheellpp mmee..." Bo, Julie, Doug and Hope have a stare-fest.

Belle wants to call Evelyn, tip there hand, play all their trump cards and let her know they are on to her. Phillip knew she was dumb, but he didn't quite realize it was that bad. He stops her and suggests they get the Chicago police involved. Shawn thinks that's dangerous, "Those are real cops, you're talking about, not the Salem PD." Belle suggests calling Evelyn and giving her a reason to come back there.

"That might work," says Shawn.

"I know," says Belle, "I'm brilliant." God help us.

Patch tries a softer touch. In the meantime, Stephanie has done a masterful job of turning the tables on him. All of a sudden the issue isn't about her slumming around, but about how bad a father he is. It's all his fault. Patch whines on about his recovery, "I'm almost there. The road back has been tough. But there is something fishy about Jeremy."

"He's Mike Horton's son," says Stephanie... and then she drops a new bomb, "and my boss." She tells them about Fly By Night Airlines, "Chelsea and I are going to be flight attendants."

Patch says, "You're not taking that job. Not while I'm still breathing."

Bo tries to make contact with the Satan-voice. All he gets is moaning. Bo asks Doug for a rope. Doug walks over to the cabinets. He looks at the labels on each door, Silverware... Ashtrays... Stemware... Tablecloths... ROPES! "Use a clove hitch," says Bo. Doug can't find any cloves. Bo grabs the rope and goes down into the tunnel of death.

"Help me," yells Beelzebub.

Oh, good, Stephanie has a new bone to pick, "I'll take any job I want even if it means sliding down a pole with my clothes off."

Patch wonders where she will stay when she is in Vegas. She tells him about the pilot/attendant hot tub emporium and love nest. This all sounds pretty cozy to Patch.

Adrienne asks for five minutes to talk to Steve. Stephanie leaves. Adrienne tells Steve Stephanie isn't a kid any more. He says he's trying to keep her from making a big mistake. Adrienne thinks he's going to push her right into the arms of the man Steve hates. Adrienne says she hates Jeremy too, but Steve's job as a father is to stand by Stephanie and pick her up when she falls.

Belle talks to Mrs. Quarry on the phone. She tells her she is Marlena Evans from the pageant. How clever of brilliant Belle to come up with that name. Belle informs Mrs. Quarry there was a miscount and Jeffrey actually won the grand prize of $5,000. They want her to come back to Chicago to pick up the money. She congratulates her and hangs up. Phillip comes back and says they are sending a detective. They tell Phillip about the call. Shawn tells him the whole thing was Belle's idea.

"Occasionally," says Belle, "I am touched by genius."

Phillip asks, "What? You mean like Einstein came into the room and touched you?"

Phillip and Belle talk about how wonderful Claire will feel when she sees them.

Down in Gnawbone, Indiana, Claire realizes something must be up and packs her bags for a quick getaway.

Phillip asks Shawn if he is cool with all this togetherness.

Shawn says Claire is what's important. Belle steps up and speaks for Shawn. She knows he feels just fine about all this. Shawn gets in a few words of his own. He wishes they were taking Claire back to a normal home. He just wants to be sure things are clear between them. Belle senses the tension, "This competition has got to end. So I don't care how you do it, you figure it out, dammit and do it now." Belle huffs off.

Patch paces. The last thing he wants to do is push Stephanie away. Adrienne says she didn't ask to be there but isn't going to let him screw up his life.

"You always were a sweet talker," smiles Patch, "I have to ask questions like any dad would do – Like how many hours has flyboy racked up? Has the FAA approved this little venture? Will they be flying at night?"

"That's Fly-by-night," says Adrienne.

Stephanie joins them. She heard what he was asking. She doesn't have the answers, but she is sure they have all the proper licenses. If he has a problem with all this then it's just too bad.

"I do have a problem with it," says Patch.

"Then I'll look for someplace else to live," says the little snot, "See ya, Steve."

She leaves. "I blew it," says Steve.

"Yep," says Adrienne. Patch smacks his hand with his fist.

Bo gives a play-by-play as he goes down into the jaws of death. Julie suggests calling Roman.

"We're in a big enough mess as it is," says Hope. She thinks they should give Bo more time. Bo yells up and tells them he's down. He doesn't see anything, "The flashlight isn't working. A good Salem cop never checks his equipment before going into a dangerous situation. Doug, could you send me down another one?"

SCREAM! SOCK!

Hope hears the ruckus and calls, "BRADY!" Silence.

Adrienne tells Steve he's spending too much time in the past. He says he has so many regrets. She tells him he has to move on, "You are almost you again. You have been the kind of guy who never looks back. You are still that guy." Apparently, spending time in the past doesn't count as looking back.

He says he felt great when he and Kayla left the island. That's why he let her go to the conference.

"What is that conference all about, anyway," says Adrienne.

"Patient abandonment techniques," says Patch. He thinks if Kayla had been here today things would have worked out differently.

Adrienne role-plays. She goes thorough all the things Kayla would have said. Steve is amused. Adrienne continues her mock conversation with Kayla. "Steve has been through hell," says her version of Kayla.

Adrienne asks, "You mean if you would have been here, things would have turned out differently?"

Mock Kayla says, "You bet your ass it would."

Steve chuckles, "Stop right there. She never would have said that."

"She would have thought it," says Adrienne, "So would you like to know how your sweetness would have saved the day?"

Doug yanks on the rope, but there is nothing on the other end. Hope wants to go down. Doug and Julie stop her. Hope resists.

SCREAM! They hear grunting sounds. "It must be Bo climbing up," says Julie. More grunting, hissing and belching sounds. "Does that sound like Bo to you," asks Julie. They all agree it's not Bo.

Phillip wonders where Mrs. Quarry is. Belle sees a woman out in the hall, "But Claire is not with her." Evelyn comes in and introduces herself. Phillip asks where Jeffrey is. Evelyn wonders why they would want Jeffrey. Apparently brilliant Belle's foolproof plan didn't take into account the fact that Mrs. Quarry wouldn't bring the kid.

Shawn says they want pictures. Evelyn tells them he's with the sitter. She wants the money and then wants to get back home. They introduce Phillip as the photographer. Belle suggests they get Evelyn a room and the sitter can bring Jeffrey to Chicago. Evelyn says they will have to use the picture she submitted. Then she goes over to the bulletin board and freaks, "Where is Jeffrey's picture? What's going on?"

The trio pulls on the rope and the masked mystery guest appears.

"Where is my husband," screams Hope.

Doug reaches down to the mysterious masked figure and says, "Let's take off the mask." The hooded figure flails around, gets up and chokes Hope. Hope screams.

Belle invites Evelyn to sit down and apologizes for the miscount. She says they had to send the original picture to the home office. Evelyn doesn't understand. Nothing makes sense. "That happens a lot to people when they are around Shawn and me," says Belle.

Evelyn wants the money. She threatens to call the home office. They try to calm her down. "Either you have a check for me or you don't," yells Evelyn, "where is it?" No one answers. "I thought so," huffs Evelyn.

Belle totally loses it, "YOU BITCH! WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER? YOUR LITTLE BOY ISN'T A BOY AT ALL! YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW FISHED HER OUT OF THAT OCEAN!"

Evelyn takes a few steps back, "She needs a shrink, people." Evelyn starts to leave. Phillip stops her.

Adrienne thinks Kayla would have told Patch to treat their daughter like her father likes to be treated, "Kill her with kindness. Then tell her you absolutely love Jeremy. Call her and say you had a change of heart."

"You want me to grovel," says Patch. He gets the idea. And after all his groveling, he will suggest introducing Kayla to Jeremy.

Adrienne thinks this could go one of two ways, "Either Jeremy will treat you and Kayla with respect..."

Patch interrupts, "... or like a first degree ass."

Adrienne thinks it could turn out Jeremy isn't such a jerk, "Then you will be off on the right foot with your new son in law."

Patch has a conniption. Adrienne says, "Just seeing if you were listening. The kid really is an ass."

Doug, Julie and Hope finally subdue the masked mystery figure. Hope wants to know where Bo is. They corner the figure. Hope orders, "Whoever you are, take that mask off!" Hope and Doug grab her and yank it off. LEXIE!

Patch looks at a picture of him and Kayla. He phones her. He just wanted to hear her voice. He'll tell her about his day when she gets home. He tells her he met Stephanie's boyfriend today and wishes she had been there. Patch says it's hard to explain what he is like, but tells her they got off on the wrong foot. He thinks it will have a happy ending, though. He leans back on the couch, kicks his legs up and gets comfortable, "I want to talk about us. What are you wearing?" Kayla hangs up on the perv.

Evelyn stammers around. Shawn takes her backpack. She claims she doesn't know who their daughter is. Shawn finds Claire's name on a shoe. Evelyn claims she bought the shoe at a thrift shop.

Belle's meltdown continues. SLAP! "That's it! No more lies! Either you tell me what you did with my daughter or there won't be anything left for the police to lock up, YOU CHILD-STEALING BITCH!" Man, and Patch thought he and Jeremy got off on the wrong foot.

Lexie is insane. She snorts, whoops, hisses, grunts and groans. Hope tries to bring her back, "I'm Hope. I know your husband, Abe. Theo. We're best friends. Look at me!"

Lexie looks, "H-Hope?"

"Yes."

"OMG! Hope!"

Hope tells Doug and Julie about Lexie's accident. Julie wants to get her to a hospital. Hope isn't going anywhere without Bo. She asks Lexie where Bo is.

Lexie stammers, "Bo? Oh, no. Dead. He's dead. Bo's dead."

Hope frets.


Previews
========


Stefano, John and Marlena sit at a table in the pub. Stefano says, "Peace, John, true lasting peace is in the hands of Samantha." Marlena gives John a look.

A baby cries. Belle turns to Shawn and Phillip, "Did you hear that? Did you hear? That's Claire. She's here."

Doug says, "You're safe now." Lexie cries, "No. No one is safe."

Hope yells, "Brady!" Bo lays unconscious.

A major earthquake hits Salem. Hundreds are killed. Thousands are injured. Patch and Stephanie are missing. The Bradys are decimated. The Red Cross makes an emergency appeal for Physicians to come to Salem to help. Kayla can't possibly come home from her medical conference because it's in Chicago and she got tickets to Oprah.