Abracadabra

Max and Kayla, all decked out as a nun and priest, walk into the place where Stefano is vegetating. They have second thoughts about what they are doing but decide to proceed. Max figures Stefano would not strike down clergy. God, however, might not be so generous with people who are imitating clergy. As they proceed down the hall, one of Stefano's goons sticks a gun into the back of Max' head and utters some kind of Italian curse.

EJ comes to the loony bin to see Steve. He tells him he's just there to see how he is doing. Patch gets in his face and tells him he knows he doesn't care about anyone but himself, "I'm sick of being your whipping boy."

Sami sits at her computer and whips up a forged DNA report. She is massively irritated at Celeste's presence, but finally finishes her masterpiece and asks Celeste to look at it. Celeste stares into the computer screen, "Not good enough to fool a DiMera."

OK, just FYI, Belle is on a manic swing at the moment. She's cheerful as she and Shawn pack for Australia. Belle just can't wait to get there. Life will be wonderful. Shawn cautions her to pack everything so no one will ever know they were there. Belle shoves Claire's dirty diapers into her bag.

Shawn leaves to find a boat. Out in the hall he runs into Gabby who appears to be crying. She claims its just allergies. Shawn shows her Belle's ring and asks if she knows anyone who would trade a boat for it. Gabby wonders why Shawn wants to do that. "We need to get off the island," says Shawn.

Gabby thinks Shawn is rushing things. Maybe they should stick around and wait for an answer to their letter. Shawn has made up his mind. Gabby says she will see what she can do about finding someone who will trade for the ring. Shawn goes downstairs to break the good news to Duck.

Gabby turns and knocks on Belle's door. When she answers, Gabby shows her the ring and says Shawn gave it to her to trade for a boat, "What can I do to convince you guys to stay?"

Celeste thinks this forgery won't solve Sami's problems. It will only make them worse. "And murder won't," screams Sami. Sami claims EJ won't be able to tell and he will never be able to get into her medical records to find out for sure.

"This is Salem," says Celeste, "Medical records are posted on the bulletin board in the lobby of the hospital! Do what you have to do – get rid of him."

Patch wonders how EJ got in to see him. EJ claims he has friends in high places. Patch reminds him he is the person who trained him to be a human weapon. EJ thinks Patch is being paranoid. EJ wants Patch to understand why he put Kayla on his trail and brought him back there and why he can keep him there as long as he wants to.

Kayla and the goon have a conversation in Italian. The goon goes into Stefano's room to check things out. Max wonders when Kayla learned to speak Italian. She tells him she looked at an Italian dictionary at the airport and learned a few key phrases like, "Don't shoot" and "Mind if I yank your kidney out to see if it has John's monogram on it?"

The goon comes back out and he and Kayla blab in Italian again. The goon hauls his gun out again.

Apparently Kayla thought she was telling him they wanted to pray with Stefano. Instead, she insulted the Italian world cup soccer team.

Belle thinks Gabby wants them to stay because she wants to make a play for Shawn. Gabby insists that isn't true and accuses Belle of being paranoid. Belle assures Gabby her cauldron of mental illnesses has nothing to do with this. Gabby figures out someone must have said something to Belle about her and Shawn. Belle comes clean and admits to Gabby that Duck quacked.

Duck finds Shawn leaning against the bar and tells him to get to work. Shawn says he will, but then that's it. He and Belle are leaving the island. Duck reminds him the sheriff told him to stay put. Shawn just can't believe his ole buddy Duck would tell the sheriff he was leaving. Duck tells Shawn he agreed to work for room and board and still owes him. "Unless you pay up, I may just have that little conversation with the sheriff."

Patch wonders what good he is doing EJ locked up. "You're contained says EJ. I came here to tell you – no more phone calls and no more assistance from me."

Stefano's goon has a single digit IQ, but that's about all it takes for him to figure out Max and Kayla aren't Italian. They admit to being Americans. Max tells him he speaks a little Italian, "Abracadabra – that's Italian isn't it?" Max pulls a giant bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve and distracts Goono. In a fancy Bruce Lee move, Goony winds up with the flowers and Max winds up with the gun.

Folks, we don't make this stuff up. We just report on it. OK, sometimes we make it up, but not this time.

Gabby howls at Belle's suggestion. She says Duck is just worried she will hook up with some guy and leave the island. Belle doesn't buy it. Gabby tells Belle instead of worrying that she will steal Shawn she should be worried about sailing 1,000 miles to Australia in a small boat.

"I realize sailing to Australia in a small boat makes no sense," says Belle, "That's why Shawn and I have to do it. The fact that we'll be endangering the life of our baby who, by the way is taking more meds than John Black on a bender so she won't reject her liver, well, that just makes the whole cockamamie trip almost imperative."

Gabby can't believe Belle would want to leave before hearing from her parents, "Think about it Belle, what you have here really isn't so bad."

"Thinking isn't my strong suit," says Belle.

Sami tells Celeste to get it through her head, "I am not going to kill EJ." Celeste wonders if Sami has ever thought of telling Lucas the truth. Sami gasps and reels backwards at the very sound of the word.

"You'd better make sure this utterly foolish plan of yours is convincing, darling. Because I assure you, you will not get a second chance." Everybody make a note of that. Forgery is foolish, but murder isn't. With friends like Celeste, who needs enemies like EJ?

Patch thinks EJ needs him more than he needs EJ. EJ points out Patch's beautiful surroundings and suggests maybe Patch isn't the one in control. He tells Patch he might have a use for him. Phillip thinks he may have located Shawn, and if he did, Patch gets to be some sort of errand boy. EJ asks him to lie low and be a good boy for a while. Patch grabs him and slams him into the wall like a bug crashing into a windshield, "Do you think they would blame me for killing the guy who put me in here?"

"Patch," says EJ, "I think we need to revisit the definition of 'lie low."

"You can't keep pulling my strings."

"Yes I can," says EJ, "Go ahead, choke me."

The audience chants, "GO PATCH GO! GO PATCH GO!"

Kayla takes the keys from the Goonster and goes into Stefano's room. Max forces him to sit down and asks, "So, you know any good places to get a pizza around here?"

Duck wonders what Shawn and Gabby have been up to during their late night soirees. Shawn tells him he is out of line, "I can't believe Gabby turned out the way she did considering you raised her."

"Nice knowing you too, Boy Scout." Duck walks away.

Gabby thought she and Belle were friends, but since she has never really had a friend, she wouldn't know what a real friend is. Belle is touched. "Honestly," says Gabby, "I wish I could go with you."

Sami folds the forgery up and sticks it in an envelope. Blood gushes as Sami gets a paper cut. She tells Celeste not to say that is a bad omen. Celeste agrees and leaves. Sami contemplates her cell phone.

Patch has EJ in a death grip. EJ gets a phone call and asks Patch to excuse him. Sami says she has to see him right away. On his way out, EJ tells Patch to ask Kayla to stay out of his business, "I would hate for you to become a widower."

EJ barely escapes through the door as Patch slams into it, "WHAT DID YOU SAY? WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Kayla walks into Stefano's room and rips the oxygen tent back. Stefano gasps for air as Kayla inspects his chest, "OMG, it's true. I'll bet there is a kidney in there with John Black's name on it."

Gabby really wishes she could go with Shawn and Belle. Uh-oh. The room comes crashing down as Belle's mood swings toward the depressive side.

Shawn returns and tells Belle and Gabby Duck broke out into tears when Shawn said he was leaving. They parted with a big manly hug. Gabby figures out Duck probably said Shawn owed him money. She says they actually owe Shawn. Shawn don' wan' no stinkin' money. He just asks Gabby to see what she can do to help them get a boat. She leaves. Shawn turns to Belle, "You ready?"

"I guess so."

"Let's do it."

EJ arrives at Sami's apartment. She tells him she hasn't opened the results, which have arrived in the mail. EJ says it's just like old times, when they opened the threatening notes together. Sami reminds him he is the one who sent the threatening notes. EJ reminds Sami of when they met, "I was just EJ Wells, humanitarian, race driver, all around good guy, and nekkid as a jay bird."

Sami cuts him off and hands him the stampless envelope. EJ asks her to open it, since she is the mother.

Patch repeatedly slams himself against the door. The door wins. He screams at the orderly through the glass that he has OD'd. that brings Dr. Kraft running into his room asking what he took. Patch comes clean and tells Dr. Kraft he really didn't take anything. She tells him he made it sound like a matter of life and death. Patch screams, "It is a matter of life and death. Somebody could die."

Dr. Kraft asks, "What are you talking about?" Patch says he has to talk to Kayla immediately.

Kayla, however, is indisposed at the moment. She takes shots of Stefano's gut with her cell phone and smooshes his hand into a piece of paper to get his fingerprints. She tells him he is alive because of her. She is the one who yanked John's kidney and it makes her sick. She contemplates the plug to his life support systems, "I could end it all right now." Slowly, Sister Kayla reaches for the plug.

After putting us through endless agony, Kayla chickens out. It's in God's hands, not hers. "And I hope you suffer knowing Steve and I are living happily for all the Days Of Our Lives. I hope what you are going through now is nothing compared to what is to come."

Sami opens the envelope, reads, and breaks down. EJ asks if she is OK. Sami says, "I am more than OK, because you are not the father."

EJ rips the test results from her and says, "Let me see that."

Gabby comes downstairs and throws a fit. OMG, who knew – bipolar disorder is contagious! Duck wants to know what is up. Gabby tees off on him and says she doesn't want him around. When the going gets tough, the tough go fishing. Duck leaves. Gabby makes a phone call to Cap. As she asks if he knows anyone who would like to trade a boat for a wedding ring, someone clears his throat behind her.

Gabby turns to see... THE PHILINATOR.

EJ is crushed. Sami sneers, "You raped me, but you are not gonna get my child."

"I did not rape you," says EJ, "I was so sure. How can this be?"

Dr. Kraft comes back and tells Patch she couldn't reach Kayla because she is in Italy. The doctor leaves. Patch staggers around the room and collapses in a heap on his bed, "Oh, Kayla, what are you doing?"

Kayla comes out of Stefano's room. Max locks the Goonster in the closet. He tosses they keys into a wastebasket. Kayla forces him to get rid of the gun, too and they run out.

Shawn assures Belle they will be OK and leaves. Belle sits and stares at family pictures.

Gabby tells Phillip she will be with him in a moment. She tells Cap the ring is gorgeous and anyone who takes this deal will be really happy. Meanwhile, Shawn comes downstairs, sees Phillip and ducks out of the way. Gabby asks Phillip what she can do for him.

Phillip shows her a picture of the kiddie corps, "I'm looking for two people who kidnapped my daughter and I've got reason to believe they came to this island." Shawn watches.

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EJ tells Sami, "I don't think you do understand. Because this isn't just my loss. This is your loss, too."

Belle says, "So it all depends on Gabby – someone we barely know. Our lives are in her hands, Shawn. Do you realize that?"

Phillip wrestles with Gabby and says, "You'd better start talking, you hear me?" Gabby squeals, "Fine! They're here, all right?" Kate walks up to them.

Max says, "So what you're trying to say is the love of my life is..." Kayla says, "Abby Devereaux."

John temporarily wakes up from his coma and asks Marlena, "Are we still on this show? "