Madame Morrible

Shawn bounces Claire around and tries to help her come up with a name for her new teddy bear. He suggests "Teddy."

"Wow," says Claire, "I'd never have thought of that one in a million years."

Belle walks in and is amazed that Shawn has cleaned the room. She takes Claire who proceeds to throw a fit. They really need to find a kid actor who doesn't detest Belle. Shawn clowns around to try to get her to settle down. He thinks Claire needs some new clothes. Belle suggests a consignment shop and decides Claire is lucky to have Shawn as a dad. Shawn apparently had a good night working at the bar. He offers Belle a wad-o-cash to shop with, but she rejects it. She'll just use beads and trinkets to buy the clothes for Claire, "I have everything I need. A functioning brain cell or two would be nice, but I can live without it."

Belle smooches him and leaves. Shawn stares at the twin beds, "That makes one of us."

Willow walks up to the door of her room, talking to the fence on her cell phone. As she opens the door, she tells him she doesn't know how much it's worth but needs to unload a lot of it.

Hope turns and says, "What are you trying to unload?" She holds up the jewelry, "Wouldn't be this would it?"

Bo and half the police force come to Billie's apartment to talk to Chelsea. Bo says he has to search her room. "Do you have a warrant," says Billie.

"A what? "

Chelsea chimes in, "If you want someone to blame this arson on – Fine – Blame me. I'm always going to be your favorite target. But just know this time you are wrong."

Sami and Celeste stand out in the hall and argue about EJ. "You know what you have to do. That bastard from hell deserves to die," screams Celeste. EJ opens the door.

Screams of "SURPRISE" come from the room crowded with extras. Sami asks, "What is going on."

Kate sticks her face in, "A bridal shower."

Phillip crowds into the doorway, "Congratulations, Sami."

Sami is shocked, "I don't know what to say."

Kate tosses in a zinger, "If only we could keep it that way."

EJ pulls Celeste aside. He says he thinks for someone who seems to detest Sami, she has certainly found some common ground with her. He goes over to Sami and notices her hands are shaking.

Willow grabs for the bag. She insists the jewelry is her great aunt's. Hope thinks it's such a coincidence that she and Willow's great aunt share the same poor taste in jewelry., "Everything is here except the matches you used to burn down my house."

Gabby asks Shawn why Belle was all smiles this morning. Shawn tries to ignore her but Gabby persists. He tells her Belle and Claire went shopping at the second hand store. That's where Gabby got her dress. She asks Shawn to watch the bar while she goes off to do some things. Shawn wonders if she really is asking him to watch the town drunk down at the end of the bar. The sot comes up and tries to get Gabby to dance with him. Gabby resists and introduces Charlie. Charlie becomes persistent. Wonder-boy grabs him and Gabby drops her jaw.

Phillip asks Sami if she is OK with him being there. Sami says she is OK, "What's one more clown in the fools' parade? "

Phillip asks if Sami knows whether her baby is a boy or girl. EJ walks up and says, "There are tests for that type of thing – among others.

Kate walks around the room trying to pawn off her tray of artichoke cheese puff lumps. Sami tells her she's acting like a Stepford mother-in-law. Kate says, "If I had wanted to poison you, I'd have done it years ago."

EJ drags Sami into the bedroom to talk. Sami doesn't want any part of it, "I'm going back to the party."

EJ blocks her, "You're not going anywhere until I find out how you and that third rate gypsy are planning on killing me. You got that?"

Kate offers Celeste one of the cardboard cheese doodles, "Trying to kill someone can work up an appetite." Celeste says Kate misunderstood. Kate wants to know what is going on. Celeste says she can't help her.

Lucas walks in. Kate tells him the fun has just begun. With Lucas there, at least the conversation will pick up.

The cops clear the brat's room. The brat gets sarcastic, "Here – take the stuff from my purse. How about some gum? How about some lipstick?"

"It's not my color," says Bo. Billie wonders if this whole thing is necessary. Bo tells her it is. He holds up the incriminating hairbrush in a baggie and asks the brat if it is hers.

Willow claims she has no idea how the jewelry got there. Hope says she thought Willow was a better liar than that. Willow wonders if Chelsea planted it. "Now that's a much better lie," says Hope. Willow heads for the hills.

Gabby separates Shawn and Charlie. She sends Charlie packing. Gabby tells Shawn Charlie won the lottery and is drinking his winnings away. She tells him to cool it, "Fights bring cops and cops ask questions and Duck doesn't like questions. Keep your hands to yourself." She kisses him for wanting to be her hero, and then leaves.

Lucas asks Kate where Sami is. Phillip interrupts before Kate can answer. Lucas asks what he is doing here. Kate suggests they go outside so she doesn't have to referee.

Out in the hall, Phillip says he wants to apologize. Lucas isn't interested. "We're brothers," says Phillip.

"When it's convenient," says Lucas.

Kate asks if Celeste is leaving so soon. Celeste claims she and Sami were just talking about Will's education at the Bastard From Hell Academy.

Sami insists she isn't plotting anything. She threatens to scream. EJ calls her bluff. He blocks her from leaving. Sami says she's going to call Roman and tell him he whole story right now. EJ takes out his cell phone and dials and asks for Roman.

Sami grabs the phone, "It's my story to tell."

"Very well," says EJ, "But don't leave out the part where you helped me escape from those dedicated police officers who were looking for me."

Sami says into the phone, "This is his daughter. It's very important."

Belle chuckles. Claire sports her new duds. Gabby goes to grab her camera. Shawn warns Belle to steer clear of Charlie. Belle brushes off the warning. She claims she wasn't trying to confuse Shawn when she kissed him earlier. "I'm used to being confused," says Gomer.

Chelsea says she doesn't recognize the brush. Bo gets a call. Hope tells him she found the jewels at Willow's, and Willow took a powder.

Bo hangs up and tells Billie and the brat Willow had the jewels.

"I knew it was that lying little tramp," says the lying little tramp.

"I assume this brush is hers, too," says Bo.

"It's all over," says Billie. She turns to the brat, "No more doubting you. Right, Bo?" Bo looks at the brush.

Sami says she doesn't care if Roman is with the mayor, the call is important, "OK. I'll call back."

EJ makes another call, "I think we should keep this in the family." Bo answers his phone. EJ says, "Your niece has something important to share with you." Sami freezes.

Finally, Sami grabs the phone and says she just wanted to thank Bo and Hope for the gift. Bo's crack detective mind goes to work. He wonders why Sami called on EJ's phone. She tells him her phone died and someone is using the landline. They wrap up the conversation, and Sami hurls the phone back at EJ.

"Well it rather seems the cat won that round," says EJ, "So, my little mouse, why don't you tell me about your plans with Celeste?"

Lucas and Phillip come back inside. They didn't resolve anything. Kate tells them to clam down, and they will work this out.

Gabby asks Belle if things are cool with Shawn. Belle says things aren't going well. That's why Gabby found Shawn sleeping on the veranda.

"How bad did things get," asks Gabby.

"Bad."

"No," says Gabby, "I meant between you and Shawn – not the story line. Would you be jealous if he started falling for another girl?"

Gabby wonders if that question embarrassed Belle. Belle says it didn't. Gabby says she isn't trying to take Shawn away. She doesn't want to get tied down.

"Shawn isn't into that kind of thing," says Belle.

Gabby likes her life there on the island. "Things are simple here. In fact, they are even more simple since you and Shawn showed up. You don't go after other people's men around here."

"Shawn isn't taken," says Belle.

Gabby says, "He wants you, Belle, and he will wait for you. There is no other girl for him."

Sami insists she isn't planning something with Celeste. She breaks down. All she wants is to go out and have a shower like a normal bride. She says she can't keep lying. All she wants is a break – One night where she can pretend that she has a lasting and real relationship.

EJ says he will give her everything but he has to protect what is his.

"I am not yours," cries Sami.

"I wasn't speaking of you," says EJ, "But this nonsense with Celeste stops."

Celeste works her pseudo-blackberry, "Samantha, I hope you get this in time."

Sami's purse vibrates. She huffs around and tells EJ she will tell him everything, but spills her purse as she gets up. EJ picks up her handkerchief as Sami goes for the mess on the floor. She surreptitiously looks at the text message in her phone. EJ wants to know what is going on.

Kate tells Lucas he is ruining Sami's shower. She lectures him on courage. Lucas and Phillip shake hands. Lucas wonders where Sami is. "She and EJ in the bedroom," says Kate, "Talking I guess. What else would they be doing?"

Sami says Celeste wanted to talk to him about Theo. He's been interviewing at Will's school and the headmaster was rude to him. EJ brings up the baby as Lucas walks in, "The baby is none of your business."

Sami tells Lucas EJ followed her in there. She came in because she wasn't feeling well. EJ leaves.

Sami tells Lucas she is fine. Lucas says he loves her but wants to know what is going on.

Over at the Salem Hospital for the Criminally insane, they pass out huge doses of Prozac to the frontal lobotomy patients who are celebrating nothing in particular. The zombies sit there and contemplate the mold growing on the walls. This is one hoppin' party in comparison to Sami's wedding shower.

"You really know how to throw a party, Mom," says Phillip.

"It's a gift," says Kate.

EJ finds Kate. "I was worried about you," says Kate, "after Celeste's threat."

"Where is Madame Morrible, anyway," asks EJ. Kate tells him she left after giving her some story about Theo and school. "Sami and Celeste's stories corroborate," says EJ.

EJ starts to leave. "Take me with you," says Kate.

"What would people say," asks EJ.

"That's the thing about you and me," says Kate, "We don't care."

"Yes we do when it comes to family," says EJ, "Soon."

Phillip comes in and says he just got a lead on Claire.

Charlie comes up and offers help with the pictures they are taking of Claire. Gabby offers to dance with him just to get him out of the way.

Gabby and Charlie go off and Shawn tells Belle Charlie is the local lush.

"I guess this isn't the island Mickey ran away to," says Belle. Gabby comes back so she can take a family portrait. Belle wishes she had been able to send some of these pictures with her letter.

Gabby suggests sending another one. That kind of thinking is way over Belle's head. Gabby says she will make sure the second letter gets back to the states.

Hope arrives. Chelsea thanks her for discovering the jewels at Willow's place. Hope tells the brat Willow said she planted them. The brat admits she was at the Y. "Don't worry," says Bo as he holds up the brush, "She can't lie her way out of DNA. No one can."

Bo has to go. He asks the brat's forgiveness. Chelsea fiddles with the baggie containing the brush. Bo takes it from her and tells her not to tamper with the evidence. He waves the brush and says, "This time there will be no mercy."

Bo and Hope leave. Billie tells the brat she is proud of the way she handled herself with her father. She goes to freshen up. The brat makes a call, "Hey, it's me. I need your help right now. My whole life is about to blow up."

The cops arrest Willow, "You are being charged with breaking and entering, arson, attempted murder, and aiding and abetting in the production of bad drama." Willow claims they have the wrong person.

Charlie scoots his beer glass over, "Top her off." Shawn refuses. Charlie tells him he has too much of a good thing. He's going to help by taking the blonde off his hands. Shawn grabs him, "She's my wife."

"I heard you're just the guy who knocked her up," says Charlie.

Shawn pounds the stuffing out of him. Gabby screams, "Shawn! You're killing him! Quit!"

Sami says she isn't afraid of EJ. He knows he doesn't have a chance with her. Lucas is her guy and she loves him so much. Kiss.

Kate tells Phillip Claire is gone. She won't let him slip away again. She will track down the leads with him. Sami and Lucas come out. Lucas goes for punch. EJ listens to the laughter through the door, and sniffs Sami's hanky, "You will be mine very soon. Very soon."

Previews
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