I Know You Charge By The Minute

Sami is being fitted for her dress. The brat asks if this will be the last time she has to do that. Sami says it better be or she will join the foreign legion. The brat says she will join her, "Do you think I'll be able to trust another guy ever attain, or another mother? " Sami assures her she will. Chelsea says Sami is just saying that because she is in love and doesn't have anything to worry about. Sami tells her she always has something to worry about.

The brat assures Sami the wedding will work out this time. Lucas adores her. Sami reminds her he adored her last time too. They have a little spat and the fitter tells Sami to stop fidgeting. Chelsea talks about Kate. Sami says she invited Kate because it is the right thing to do, "Kate had better behave or Lucas will kick her our of his life – again." Old habits are hard to break.

Lucas is with Kate with swatches of fabric for the wedding dresses. Kate says she already has something to wear. Lucas tells her this is what Sami has chosen and he thinks she should wear a mother of the bride dress that fits in with Sami's colors and fabric. Kate don' wanna. Lucas gets upset and starts to leave but Kate calls him back.

Marlena meets Kayla in the loony bin. Kayla is frantic about the cops finding Steve, "They think he's insane and you do to, don't you?"

"He's not my patient," says Marlena.

"So maybe there is hope," says Kayla. All Kayla wants is for Marlena to be her friend. She says John was a victim just like Steve, except Steve still has all of his organs intact and is conscious. Marlena is sure she will get her husband back and thinks Kayla will too. Kayla asks Marlena, "If I get Steve home safe and sound, is he ever gonna be the same?"

"Just as nutty as ever," says Marlena.

EJ is at Billie's door. He wonders why Billie would say she was having a chat with Chelsea when she was in the Penthouse Grill. BUSTED! Billie owns up to it and says she just had a tough day. EJ asks if she recently received a package she wasn't expecting. Patch picks up an object d'art to use as a baseball bat.

Willow looks at the ultrasounds and can't believe how much the embryo looks like a baby. Dr. Orsher says the baby looks fine. Willow leaves and looks at her prescriptions and the pictures of the baby. She cries. Nick discovers her. She tells him she's having a baby and the father hates her. She lives in a crappy room at the Y, and has to move out because kids aren't allowed. She doesn’t know what she is going to do. Nick tries to cheer her up. She cries on his shoulder.

The brat wonders how Sami can just forgive Kate after all she has done to her. Sami says it's hard, but she remembers all the people who have forgiven her. She isn't going to start trusting Kate, though. The brat says she and Kate have had their problems. In fact, she hates her whole family now... well, except for Sami. Give it time.

The fitter soaks it in as Chelsea talks about her mom sleeping with her boyfriend. Sami talks about catching Marlena cheating when she was younger. She kidnapped her baby sister because of it. In Salem, two wrongs always make a right.

The fitter is stunned, "Should I come back another time?"

Sami says she's just trying to tell the brat not to make the same mistakes as she did. Chelsea insists isn't going to forgive anyone. Sami asks, "So you plan to hold a grudge forever? The only person you are hurting is yourself."

Billie says she got a package addressed to EJ and left it with the super. EJ leaves to check with the super. I know what you're thinking... but it probably isn't a bomb. Billie closes the door and sees Patch ready to pounce. She asks what he is doing and claims he is acting like a crazy person. He says after they get to the state line she will never have to see him again. Patch thinks they should go out by the fire escape. Someone might see them if they go through the hall.

Marlena and Kayla ramble on about Patch. Kayla is sorry about kidneyapping John. Marlena knows if she hadn't done that someone else would have. She uses twisted DOOL logic to say that by yanking out John's kidney, Kayla actually saved his life. Using the same logic, if she removed a few more organs he might actually regain consciousness. She tells Kayla they saw Stefano when they were in Italy. Kayla wonders if Stefano needed the kidney.

EJ calls Kayla and tells her Patch is shacked up with Billie. Kayla hangs up and tells Marlena. Kayla doesn't want Marlena to call Roman. Marlena tries to convince her it's the thing to do. Kayla doesn't buy it. She bolts out the door, and Marlena follows.

Kate says she already bought a mother of the groom dress, "It's an original Burlapo. Sami knows damn well I would never wear any of those colors. Not a single one of those fabrics or colors would fit in with my wardrobe. I prefer the look of a gypsy who just survived a mudslide."

Lucas has a Bible verse for Kate, "Either you're with us or against us." The gospel according to George Bush.

Sami and the brat argue about family. Sami thinks Chelsea should try to forgive them. Sami says if she can turn her life around anyone can. EJ arrives. He says hello to Chelsea, but is distracted by the half dressed Sami.

"What do you want," snorts Sami.

"The same thing I always do."

Chelsea decides this is a good time to leave. She goes down to Billie's apartment and knocks as Steve and Billie are sneaking out. "Mom? Are you in there?" Patch holds Billie back from answering.

The brat gives up and walks away. Billie says Patch just cost him her relationship with Chelsea, "I'm not going anywhere with you."

Willow wonders what will happen to her. Nick tries to be positive. She worries they might try to take her baby away. Nick asks if the baby is a boy. "It's Shawn's," says Willow, "An ultrasound can't show the sex of a Neanderthal this early in the pregnancy." She says she never wanted to be a mother, "Poor kid." Nick consoles her. Willow says she has to go. She stands up and immediately faints. Nick makes a diving catch, and spikes her in the end zone.

Lucas and Kate keep it up. Lucas is upset that Kate is back to dissing Sami. Kate says she is disparaging Sami's fashion sense, not Sami herself. Lucas says they want Kate to be a part of their lives. Kate says, "If Burlapo can whip something up with those colors he is a genius, but I'll give it a try." Lucas says it means a lot to him, and leaves. Kate stands alone and says, "Damn Sami!"

The fitter says she was hoping to take a few more measurements, and soak in more juicy gossip. Sami sends her aside and tells EJ she doesn't have time for stupid games. EJ hopes everything is OK with their baby. Sami says, "It's not ours." She tells him she got the amnio and will soon have the results.

"I just want you to know," says EJ, "whom you have assignations with – that's my business. You know what I mean, don't you, Samantha?" Sami isn't sure what he is accusing her of. EJ says, "Dear Samantha, Have you been a naughty girl – again?"

Billie tells Patch to get out and take her car. Patch says the minute he is gone she will call the cops. They calm down and he convinces Billie to go with him.

Sami says she doesn't owe EJ an explanation. She insists Lucas loves her. EJ says Lucas loves the baby he is sure is his. He tells her they will name the child Stefano. Sami orders him to get the hell out. EJ says if she is up to something he will find out, "You have been warned." EJ leaves.

Nick brings willow some water. Willow says the Y really wants her out. Nick suggests subsidized housing. He says he will call Mickey – but promises not to involve Maggie. Willow wonders why he is being so nice to her. "Not so long ago I hurt somebody I care about," says Nick, "I can't fix that, but if I can help you it will make me feel better." Willow hugs him as Chelsea walks up and stews.

Marlena tells Kayla this might not be the way to do things as they arrive at Billie's apartment. Kayla knocks. No answer. She takes out a hairpin and says, "Bo showed me how to break in using one, only he used his own hairpin." She opens the door, and they walk into the empty apartment. Kayla looks around. The place is a mess, "Steve was here all right." She walks into the bedroom and comes back out, "They're gone."

Chelsea clears her throat and asks Willow, "Shouldn't you be walking the streets somewhere?"

Shouldn't you," snarks Willow.

Nick jumps in, "I wasn't soliciting a prostitute. Willow is retired." Willow thanks him for sticking up for her. AS she leaves, she says, "You know where to find me."

Nick tells Chelsea Willow is pregnant. Chelsea asks why she should care. Nick says, "You should care because you know what it's like not to have anybody to depend on."

"And who's fault is that, Nick?"

Lucas comes back to the apartment. He tells Sami Kate just loved the fabrics.

Kate tells EJ she hates Sami. She shows him Sami's "color palette."

EJ makes a face, "It needs work."

"WORK," says Kate, "I wouldn't upholster my dog's bed with that fabric." Kate has a dog? Alert the ASPCA. EJ thinks Sami has more on her mind than torturing her future mother in law. Kate says she knows Sami didn't pull the beam off of Lucas by herself. She knows Sami is hiding something and wants to know what it is. She also thinks EJ has his own agenda, "I want you to tell me what it is."

Marlena says this is a job for the police. Kayla doesn't want to call them. They argue. Marlena starts to call Roman. Kayla discovers Patch's map with the routes marked on it and stops her.

Steve munches pizza or something and asks if Billie wants a bite. She doesn't. He asks, "What? Do you have an allergy – to me?" He tells her the cops don't have a clue where they are. Nobody does. He asks where the map is. Billie says it's in her purse. Patch grabs her purse and rummages around. "We've got lipstick covered," says Patch, "But no map."

Billie says, "Rreeaallllyy..."

Patch growls, "Maybe you left it in the apartment – on purpose. DAMN YOU!"

Nick doesn't know how many times he has to say he's sorry. Chelsea rages, "I will never be able to trust you again. What happened can't be undone. I won't forgive you for all the Days Of Our Lives. I'm sure we will run into each other at work, so you should know you mean nothing to me. You blew it."

"That doesn't change the way I feel about you," says Nick, "I love you."

Chelsea says, "You don't get to say that to me anymore."

Nick asks her not to go. Chelsea says he ruined it. She will never forgive him. She leaves.

Willow goes through pregnancy books and looks at the ultrasound pictures. She holds her tummy. She sighs. She picks up the jewels and wonders what she is supposed to do with them. The brat comes to her door, "I won't take up much of your time. I know you charge by the minute. Stay away from Nick. Forget you ever met him."

EJ knows Sami has broken Lucas' heart several times, "To quote the Godfather, 'Keep you friends close and your enemies closer.'" Speaking of getting closer... EJ moves in.

Sami wants a shower - with company. Lucas rips his clothes off as Sami runs into the other room. He gets a call from Kate. She says she's sorry she upset him and is calling to make it up. She offers to throw a shower for Sami. EJ stands behind her with his evil smile on his face. Lucas thinks that's nice. Kate suggests keeping it a secret. Kate will call and work out the details later.

She hangs up. Lucas undresses. Sami wonders what is taking so long. "I have a huge surprise for you," says Lucas, "You will like this one."

Kayla looks at the route. She asks for one more chance. If we don't find him within an hour we'll let the police deal with it. Marlena gives her one hour. They run out.

Patch nukes. He thinks Billie is trying to get him caught. He tells her to pull over, "You're getting out."

Billie drives and says, "You're not leaving me here in the middle of nowhere."

Patch grabs the wheel, "I said pull over!"

Billie screams, "NO! STEVE!" SCCRRRRREEEEEEECCCHHHH! OMG! What are the odds? They landed directly on top of Tek and Lexie's car!

Previews
========

Willow says, "I heard that you're the suspected pyro." Chelsea says, "Which is so untrue." Willow asks, "Is daddy covering for you again?"

Marlena drives. Kayla asks, "How many more lives does EJ have to ruin before someone stops him. Maybe I'm going to have to be the one to stop him."

Gabby tells Belle, "My father can marry you two right here on the island... Unless there is some reason you don't want to." Belle shrugs.

Duck asks Shawn, "So are you just young and dumb or you got something to hide?"