We Just Gotta Keep Our Pants On

Due to technical difficulties, we missed the first segment this morning. The Prevuze team is on the road today. As we were monitoring the show from our sophisticated porn-mobile, we suddenly started picking up pictures of some couple romping around in a guy's apartment instead of the show. In the future, we will correct this by not using the ISA channel to pick up the feed.

Dr. Myers tells Steve he doesn't know what he did, but he gave Kayla the strength to carry on. Steve claims he just talked to her. The good doctor tells him to keep it up. The doctor leaves and Steve calls the bionic nurse over and gives her a number so she can tell the Bradys to get over there pronto.

Hope tells Patrick she has never doubted he will be there for her. Patrick insists part of being a good dad is being able to afford it. He swears he had a wad-o-cash in the drawer and now it is missing. Hope chortles. She tells him he's acting like a high school kid trying to impress his girlfriend, "Whether you are wealthy or not has nothing to do with what kind of parent you are going to be," says Hope, "It's about support. It's about being there, and then the money part kicks in."

Patrick says, "I just want to love this baby and I love you. I want us to be together all the Days Of Our Lives. And you are right. I was trying to impress you with the money, but that's because we come from different worlds, neither of which happens to be planet earth. Bo just keeps telling anyone who will listen that I am not worthy of you. I’m just trying to prove he is wrong."

COP OUT! COP OUT! Bo and Billie bring a halt to their extra curricular activities and decide in unison, "We can't do this."

"As easy as this would be right now," says Billie, "and as good as this would feel, I have feelings for someone else."

"Who is it today," asks Bo, "And maybe more importantly, who is his wife? He knows how Billie feels about Steve. Billie knows how he feels about Hope and she will not do anything to come between them again. "Why can't I find a guy who cares about me as much as I care about him?"

"You might start by looking for the ones who are single," says Bo, "You deserve it and eventually you will get it. You'll also get that relationship you've been looking for."

"I know you're tired of me leaning on you," says Billie.

"Leaning on each other," says Bo, "That's what friends are for. We just gotta keep our pants on." Billie decides to go. Bo asks her to stay, "We could do that novel thing called talking."

They situate themselves on the bed and Billie says, "We've come a long way. I guess this is what they call closure, right?"

"To a certain aspect of our relationship," says Bo. Billie elbows him in the gut and giggles. Bo checks his spleen for permanent damage. Editor's note: I think that punch was a little harder than originally planned.

Bo catches his breath and says, "We've come full circle. We've become friends again after all these years." The brat peeks through a door and takes pictures with her cell phone.

The little snot walks into the pub admiring her artwork. Caroline says, "You didn't disturb your dad, did you?"

"No," says the peeping Tommie, "I didn't disturb Dad at all. But I have a lot of message from Abby and I have to run. Thanks for all the spending money and I promise I won't spend it all in one place." She leaves as Caroline goes to clean up her table. Caroline is disgusted because the brat didn't leave a tip.

Abby's not sure she wants to go out with Mr. Geek, otherwise known as cousin Nick. He wants to go out where there is dancing. "I tried out for America's Got Talent. Since I didn't have any talent, I wound up on DOOL instead."

Maggie thinks Abby should take him to Dune. Abby is desperate to get away from him. She thinks he still needs to unpack and, besides, he isn't dressed for Dune. He says he's already unpacked. He assures her he put everything in exactly the right place. He runs upstairs to dress.

"He's such a sweet young man," says Maggie.

"He's a total geek," says Abby, "I can't hang out with him. What will my friends think?"

"That you're a good cousin," says Maggie, "Besides, some people think different is charming. Even sexy."

"No one I know," says Abby.

"No," asks Maggie, "Some people think your father is a little different." The referee tosses the flag and penalizes Maggie for unsportsmanlike conduct.

"My father is his own person."

"And Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett."

"For like a minute-and-a-half," says Abby.

"At least they lasted longer than Lucas and Carrie," says Maggie. Abby protests. Maggie insists her parents didn't raise her to be this way, and when he comes down he will be totally presentable.

Predictably, the little dork pops into the room, "WHOOOOOO, Dune, Get ready for the Fatinaita! Come on" Let's get jiggy with that." He grabs Abby and runs her out the door.

"Oh, my...," says Maggie.

Hope tries to be diplomatic with Patrick, "I think one of the problems is you have no patience. No matter how many times I tell you I need time to figure things out, there you are." Patrick insists he has been giving her time, but didn't want her to think he had lost interest. "That never crossed my mind," says Hope. She gets a call. It's the Kayla news bulletin. Hope calls Bo. No answer. She decides she has to find him and rushes out. Patrick decides it's time to straighten up his desk, so he hurls everything on top of it across the room.

Billie and Bo dress. Bo asks if Billie will tell Steve he heard him tell Kayla he loves her. She says she isn't going to make him choose between her and Kayla right there in the quarantine room, "I can't tell him now. I just wish I wouldn't have heard anything. Then I could have had a couple of days thinking I had a shot at a relationship." Bo asks if she wants him to talk to Patch. Billie doesn't. she's going to wait until he gets better.

"You've come a long way, Billie," says Bo, "I'm proud of you." Hugs.

"Yeah," says Billie, "But what did it get me? How am I going to let him go?"

Dune rocks. The geek digs it. Abby thinks they should go. "There is nothing like this in Rensalier," he says, "If you wanted something like this, you had to go to a frat party."

"You went to frat parties," asks Abby.

"Yeah," he says, "I'm a Pike."

"A big ugly fish," asks Abby.

"No. A Pi Kappa Alpha," he shows her his ring, "I graduated first in my class. I mapped the Horton gene pool for my thesis. Someday I'll show you how our DNA interconnects. Until then, though, think of a plate of spaghetti."

"So you went to frat parties... And you danced with, uh, girls ?"

"Sometimes," he says, "And sometimes I danced with myself. I found it a good way to focus the hyperactive mind." He hauls her out onto the dance floor to boogie. Abby backs off and watches as he flails around like a gnat with Tourette's Syndrome. The brat walks in and watches. Nick twirls, spreads his legs and hits the floor. His move is accompanied by a huge ripping sound. "Dear God," he says, "I hope that was my pants." The brat and Abby stare at each other.

Bonnie comes into Patrick's place. She sees it is a shambles and wonders what happened. Patrick tells her he's looking for the money he had hidden, "And it looks like I just found it."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"I'm talking about the money you stole to go on your little shopping spree," says Patrick, "And I want it back Bonnie."

Bo tells Billie she will just have to suck it up. Steve was meant to be with Kayla. They are interrupted by a knock at the door. Bo is dumb enough to answer it and, of course, it's Hope. She flings her arms around him and says, "KAYLA'S AWAKE! She..." Oops. "Sorry. I didn't realize you were busy."

Kayla is delerious. She screams as the bionic brigade tends to her. Dr. Myers explains where she is and why they are dressed that way. He tells her the antidote didn't work on her, "We are searching the world for another drug..."

Kayla rips off her mask, "How long do I have?"

"Two days," says Dr. Myers, "But they are DOOL days, so that could be months." Kayla whimpers as Dr. Myers pulls back the curtain to reveal the Wizard. Patch says he's glad she's back with them and encourages her as she struggles to talk.

Nick announces to the gathering crowd that the show is over, "Don't tell me you never saw a pair of boxers before."

The brat asks Abby, "What are you doing here with that?"

Abby explains the situation, "I'm stuck with him."

"Well," says the brat, "You've gotta get unstuck."

Abby makes the introductions. The nerd is smitten with Chelsea, "We should hang out sometime."

"Uh... I don't hang with geeks," says the brat, "Actually I don't even talk to geeks." She turns to Abby and shows her the shots of Bo and Billie seemingly caught in the act.

Nick looks over their shoulders, "Cool. Guys in my frat downloaded porn all the time."

"It's not porn, you jackass, it's my parents," says the snot. She turns to Abby, "Do you know what it means when the right people see this? It means no more Hope, no more pirate... just me my mom and my dad." She decides to celebrate with a drink.

Nick offers to buy the first drink and asks what kind of soda she drinks. "I don't drink sooooda," says the brat, "I drink Cosmos. With an ecstasy chaser."

Billie decides this might be a good time to leave. Bo insists this isn't what it looks like. Billie chimes in with the same thing. "It doesn't matter what I think," says Hope, "What matters is Kayla. She's awake. She never got the drug and the nurse said there is no medical explanation for what Patched her up. She said it must've been Steve talking to her and telling her he loves her." Billie stares.

Kayla says whenever she felt like she was slipping away, Steve would bring her back. She heard him say he remembered her and loves her. That's why she fought so hard, "It doesn't matter what happens now. Just knowing that you remembered me makes it all worthwhile."

Bonnie asks if Patrick wants his money back and hands him a bill. Patrick asks what that is. Bonnie says it's the money she found in his pants pocket. Patrick yells, "I am not talking about a twenty dollar bill! I am talking about the tens of thousands of dollars that were in that drawer."

Bonnie claims innocence. She is shocked he would think that of her.

Abby tells the brat no one will serve her because she is under 21. The little imp produces a fake ID showing she is 27. Abby claims even she can tell it's fake. The brat claims the odds of her getting caught and arrested are a billion to one. Translation: a dead certainty.

The brat tells her to butt out and live a little. She walks away and Nick chimes in. He tells Abby he had a couple of friends who got busted with fake ID and judges are pretty lenient with the first arrest. Abby tells Nick about Chelsea's ever lengthening rap sheet.

Kayla says she had prayed for this day. He lies and tells her he isn't just telling her what she wants to hear. He insists he really has his memory back. Kayla says, "If I don't make it I want you to know I will die happy, knowing that you love me." If you look the word 'smarmy' up in the dictionary, you will find a reference to this scene.

Caroline and Maggie talk about Nick. Bo, Hope and Billie rush in and tell them Kayla woke up. Billie hangs back with Maggie as the rest bolt for the hospital. Maggie tells Billie she knows that look, "We're both recovering addicts. Sometimes when we need to feed our primary habit, we need a substitute."

"Yeah," says Billie, "I didn't even get the substitute tonight."

Bo, Caroline and Hope rush into the hospital. They tell Kayla they missed her. The whole crowd is on its way to see her. Kayla has a spell and Steve holds her oxygen mask on.

The brat orders a Cosmo. The bartender asks for her ID. "Gee," she says, "I can't remember the last time I was actually carded. Fingerprinted, yes. Carded, no. Are you sure you're not just trying to get my address and name?"

"No," says the bartender, "I'm sober." He gives the card a skeptical look.

Nick asks what the brat did to wind up on probation. Abby thinks Nick should let Chelsea tell him. He thinks a girl with a record is hot.

The bartender hands Chelsea her ID, "Go away little girl. I'll make you a Shirley Temple. Otherwise take your phony ID and get lost."

"You'll be sorry," she says, as she huffs off. She yanks her purse and pulls a load of drinks off the bar with it.

"You're paying for those drinks," says the bartender. Chelsea stands in shock.

Supergeek to the rescue, "Pardon my ripped pants. I can handle this."

The bartender and the brat argue. The drink jockey claims Chelsea owes him $88. The brat refuses to pay as Supernerd swoops in. He tells the bartender he can't call the cops because the brat has a record, "Can't we solve this some other way... man to man?"

Bonnie lectures Patrick for leaving that kind of money lying around. She wonders where he would get that much money. Patrick says he has his sources and accuses her of stealing it.

Bonnie lies, "I didn't take your money. I swear it!" Patrick sees all the stuff she bought and says she must've taken it. Bonnie claims innocence. Patrick says,"Mimi was the only other person in the house..." Bonnie gives him a look. Patrick is disgusted,"No, Mom, Mimi did not steal that money."

Bonnie reserves her special place in hell, "Her husband just dumped her. She's capable of anything."

Billie insists she and Bo are over. Her and Steve, too. Maggie suggests they sit and talk. Billie tells her about Patch remembering Kayla. She always said she would step aside if that happened, so it's curtains for her and Patch. Maggie is sorry. Billie asks, "Why am I attracted to men who are attracted to other women?"

"Maybe because you know they are unavailable," says Maggie, "And that makes them safe. Maybe it's time you did a fourth step – making a moral inventory of ourselves. And then turn it over to a higher power. Let God unveil His plan to you."

"Maybe he will answer my prayers," says Billie.

The deathwatch continues. Bo and Hope thank Patch for the role he played in bringing her back. "Knowing the two of you have a future together, that's what's keeping her going," says Bo. FF Patch.


Previews
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Lexie says to Abe, "Miss Samantha Gene-Jean Brady is over there stuffing her face. I'd like to heave this champagne bottle straight at her head."

Lucas tells Sami, "You apologized. Why don't you do the same thing with Lexie? March right over to her table right now and say you're sorry."

Belle says, "Victor is the only link that Claire has to Phillip." Shawn says, "Phillip is the one that walked out on that little girl."

Abby says to Chelsea, "If it wasn't for Nick, you'd be cuffed and in jail right now." Big smile from the brat.