A Vindictive SOB

EJ sleeps. EJ wakes. He reaches for Nicole. No Nicole. He remembers the tombstone caper and obsesses over the fact that Sami kept Grace from him. He looks over at a picture of Sydney, Nicole and himself, "Precious Nicole, life is so much simpler with you than it was with Samantha."

Stefano finds Nicole in the rumpus room. He offers to give her a lift. He says he's off to make sure Raphael is leaving town, "So what are you up to?"

Sami walks into her living room and shouts back to Allie, "You have to eat your fruit first before you eat your cookie."

"Yeah," says Allie, "I've noticed how good you are at deferred gratification, too."

Sami tells Rafe she just can't believe how normal things are. She kisses normal Rafe.

Mia meets Will in the park and asks about his step mom and dad. Will don' wanna talk about it.

Stefano tells Nicole he did some digging and discovered about Emily and Rafe's engagement as well as Emily's death. Stefano thinks Rafe had something to do with the death. He tells Nicole about bringing Meredith to town, "Raphael Hernandez killed his fiancée and Meredith is going to explain everything to Samantha."

Stephanie sits alone at a table in the pub. She putters around with work papers and, in the process, spills her coffee. The brew immediately eats through the marble table top and hits the floor. "Next time I want a cup of coffee," thinks Stephanie, "I think I'll hit the Java Café."

Roman comes to the rescue. He puts the pot at her table aside, "I'll take this home with me. I'm cleaning my garage floor and ran out of muriatic acid." Oh-so-observant Roman wonders if she's upset, "It's Phillip isn't it?"

Nathan meets Melanie at the hospital. He invites her to coffee but she declines as Maggie watches.

Rafe tells Sami the boss called and he doesn't have to be at work for three hours. Pensive Sami asks, "Hmmm... What can we do in three hours? Clean the closets? Fix the garbage disposal? Scrabble?"

She has a better idea and moves in on Rafe. "I'm game," says Rafe, "But what do we do with the other two hours and fifty-five minutes?"

Things get serious, but one of the few methods of birth control in Salem interrupts. There is a knock at the door. Rafe answers to find Nicole. Nicole does a double-take, "What are you still doing here?"

Maggie butts in and tells Nathan Melanie seems unhappy with him, "I thought if we talked I could help make things a little worse." Melanie listens as Nathan tells Maggie about his date with Stephanie. He says he doesn't think it's time for a relationship right now, and can't figure out what Melanie is angry about. Dr. Clueless leaves and Maggie eyes Melanie.

Mia says, "I understand that you might not want to talk about your wacko family, but if you ever change your mind, I'm (say it with her) there for you."

Will comes clean and says his step mom was poisoned. He says he didn't tell her because Mommy Chloe's affair was embarrassing, "Why can't I have a normal family. Everything is so screwed up. If you're smart you'll stay away from me."

"In that case, I guess I'll be seeing a lot of you," says Mia.

Over at the gym, Chad works out as Kinzie comes in. Chad greets her, "Well, if it isn't the pom pom princess." She is sporting her teensy little workout outfit and wonders if it will be acceptable to Will. "If he doesn't like it," says Chad, "There is something wrong with him."

"I guess he'll really hate it then," says Kinzie.

EJ comes into the rumpus room. Stefano says he has to go see a visitor who is leaving town.

Rafe asks, "Where else would I be?"

"Work," says Nicole.

"Oh, yeah," says Lughead, "Work... I was there once." Nicole invites herself in and tells Sami EJ did something she won't be too happy about.

Wise ole Roman says, "Stephanie, I have been where you are and I know it hurts like hell."

Stephanie says, "I didn't realize Dr. Yanantwist was your dentist, too."

Maggie "The Big Buttinski" Horton talks to Melanie about Nathan, "You're pushing Nathan away because you don't think you're worthy of him."

"That's not true," says Melanie, "If I pushed everyone away I wasn't worthy of, I'd be living on my own planet."

Stefano arrives at Meredith's room with a rose to say a proper goodbye. Meredith thinks the visit to Salem gave her some closure. He asks about contacting Rafe's new girlfriend. Meredith says, "I made sure Samantha Brady will find out everything that Rafe ever did to Emily."


Nicole plays with Sydney. EJ asks where she was. She evades and says she ran errands. EJ presses as Nicole ignores him. EJ gets stern and demands to know where she was.

Sami stands at Grace's grave and blows her stack when she sees the new monument. Calm, collected, prozacarific Rafe tells her they will change it back. Sami has a meltdown, "He is a vindictive SOB and I am not going to let him get away with this." So the battle of the headstones begins. The irony is no matter how many times they change it, ultimately they will have to change it to something else when the big reveal hits town. Of course, we'll all be in a retirement home by then.

Mia tries to comfort Will. Will takes her hand.

Kinzie tells Chad she wants to hook up with Will and then dump him quickly, "He's not exactly a laugh a minute."

"He's not exactly a laugh a millennium," corrects Chad.

Meredith tells Stefano she didn't tell Sami in person, but wrote her a letter instead. She says she sent it by messenger.

The letter slides under Sami's door.

Nicole tells EJ she was shopping for Sydney. EJ scowls, "I feel that you're withholding something from me."

Nicole says, "If you don't get off my case, I'll be withholding something in the bedroom, too."

EJ wants Nicole to let her insecurities go, "I love you, I adore you, I cherish you." They kiss but the doorbell rings. EJ opens it and finds Sami "Bombs Away" Brady standing there with Rafe "What the hell is a personality" Hernandez.

Maggie thinks Melanie feels her life isn't exciting unless there is a bad boy a part of it. She says she has to break that pattern of thinking, "Find the guy who will love you the way you deserve to be loved."

"Where do you find a guy that mean," asks Melanie.

Will comes into the gym. He finds Kinzie and says she sounded upset when she called him. She tells him her parents are getting divorced. Chad watches as the spider works the fly. Kinzie says she knows Will's parents are about as faithful and stable as teenage minks at an orgy, so she asks for advice on how to handle the breakup.

Chad goes over to Mia and chats her up. He points out that Will is kind of busy at the moment.

Melanie meets Nathan in the park. She tries to mend things with him, "That guy who asked me out... I didn't turn him down because I didn't like him, but because I thought he wouldn't like me once he really got to know me." She asks him to hang out. Nathan stares.

Sami blows a gasket. Nicole comes out to referee. EJ asks how Sami found out, "Who told you?" Nicole sweats.

Nathan tells Melanie he doesn't have time to play games. Melanie turns on the groveling afterburners. Nate tells her his focus right now is his career. He says he doesn't have time for distractions. Melanie whines, "Is that what I am to you? A distraction."

"More like an annoying gadfly," says Nathan.

Kinzie whines about her parents supposed breakup. Will says he doesn't know why she's confiding since they aren't friends. Kinzie says she wants to be and asks him to coffee, as Mia watches. Stephanie phones Will, "Go to the Java Café, not the pub!"

Will turns Kinzie down and suggests counseling. Kinzie leaves and T-Boy comes up and asks about his relationship with her. Will denies everything and T-man busts his chops.

Sami says no one told her. She says she found out when she was visiting the grave. EJ says he didn't need permission to change the headstone since Grace was his daughter. Strong, silent-type Rafe steps in and reminds him he has a living daughter who needs a little attention from him. That showed EJ, didn't it? Meanwhile, neglected Allie builds toxic-waste castles down by the Salem Tar Pits.

Roman advises and tries to comfort the Stepharoo. She tells him she has her eye on a new guy but they went to the concert just as friends. Stephanie heads for work and Roman heads over to the Lonely Bachelor's Club.

Dejected, rejected Melanie tells Nathan dinner would have been fun and says she'll see him at the hospital.

The T-Man gives Will the lowdown on Kinzie, "This guy PJ said he and Kinzie did everything and they were only together for two weeks!"

"He ain't got nothin' on me," says Will, "Keep this under your hat, but Mia and I just..." Will takes it to a whisper, "held hands. Without protection."

Will scoots over to Mia. T-man leaves. Will asks if Mia heard the T-Man talking. Mia says she did and asks, "What if Kinzie did those things with the guy because she loved him?"

"Then," says Will, "That would make her a cheap slut in love."

Sami and EJ crank it up and go at each other. Sami turns and advises Nicole to take her daughter and run. Rafe threatens EJ, "If you don't back off, I'm going to lock us in a room together and bore you to death!" The music swells as Nicole frets.

Stephanie leaves a message for Nathan thanking him for last night and hoping they can do it again sometime.

Nathan catches up with Melanie. He says he thinks they should give dinner another shot. Melanie accepts.

Naïve Will wonders what Mia is talking about. Mia says just because a girl sleeps with a guy doesn't mean she's easy. Will asks, "Are you defending Kinzie."

"I'm not talking about Kinzie," says Mia, "I'm talking about me." Clueless Will still doesn't get it. Mia practically has to draw him a picture, "I'm not a virgin, Will."

"If you were," says Will, "You'd be the last one in Salem."

Stefano tells Nicole the deed is done, "Fait accompli!" He suggests a celebration. Nicole joins EJ in the rumpus room. He says he's sorry Nicole had to see Sami's wrath. Nicole says she doesn't blame Sami for being furious. EJ nukes and says he's going to make sure Sami gets what's coming to her.

Sami gets home and finds the letter. She opens it and looks it over.

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