Chicanery

The sardoodledom continues.

Phillip walks into Chez Rouge. Chloe sashays up to him, "Hey, you still here."

"No," says Phillip, "Some of my loose body parts jumped off and they're out wandering around on their own."

She asks him to by her a drink and talk about high school. Phillip would like to forget high school. Chloe hauls him off, thinking maybe his body parts and her scars can get together.

Bo says Kate's son could be headed for jail. Kate wants to know what Phillip did to deserve jail. Bo tells her they are talking about Lucas, and she knows it. Hope gets a call. Ciara has been arrested for vagrancy. Bo sits down.

"Have a seat," says Kate. Bo says he knows Lucas had a gun. He wants to know where it is, "Two guns, in fact."

"I'm sick of the conspiracy theories," says Kate, "Go find a grassy knoll."

Bo couldn't find his butt with both hands, let alone a grassy knoll. He says he would bet his motorcycle the gun that shot EJ is inside that package Lucas is chasing all over town.

Lucas takes rage to a new level. He wants to know where the package is. EJ listens and smirks as Sami tries to tell berserker-boy no package has been delivered.

"Two birds one package," chuckles EJ, "Not bad for a night's work."

Phillip decides to leave. He has a big day tomorrow. Chloe thinks he's mad at her about tonight. She thinks he still has a thing for Belle, "Maybe you should change his focus."

Kate claims she doesn't know what Bo is talking about, "I don't have a clue."

"Then we have something in common," says Bo. He knows Lucas came there from the shipping company and met her. Kate claims they bumped into each other. She asks if Bo is having Lucas followed. Bo doesn't want to go down that road. He threatens to take her downtown, "Maybe this can work as a plea bargain for you."

Coy Kate coos, "Using my son... How would I sleep at night?"

Bo asks, "What's in the package and why is Lucas so desperate to get it?" Kate says she can't help but she will ask Lucas. Bo picks up his phone, "Now would be a good time."

Lucas runs around the apartment like a chicken with its head cut off. Sami wants to know what he is looking for. Lucas says the delivery company said it delivered the package and he signed for it. Sami fights anger with anger.

EJ does a good Sean Connery imitation, "Good job 007! No doubt you'll be knighted for this piece of chicanery."

A knock at the door interrupts his chortling. The guy on the other side says, "Airmove." EJ hides the package in a cabinet, gets up and walks to the door. The deliveryman says the package he brought earlier was meant for someone else. EJ makes excuses and says he gave it to his neighbor. He suggests the deliveryman not check with Lucas because, "he's a big guy and he's really mad at you for delivering the package to me. I think he's out to dinner with his ex-wife, anyway." The package guy leaves and EJ struggles back to his wheelchair.

Chloe says she and Phillip have always had a special connection. He says that was in high school. "Well then," says Chloe, "Maybe we should go back to the future." Hope, trolling for more juicy gossip, interrupts. She asks about Brady. Chloe says he's away on business. It may be close to Christmas, but Chloe doesn't want to give hope a really big gift by telling her they are divorced. Hope wants a word alone with Phillip. Chloe leaves.

"What can I do for you," says Phillip.

"Leave Shawn alone."

Kate hangs up, "Lucas isn't available." Bo is sure Kate is shook up about that. Roman signals to Bo and calls him over.

Bo walks over and Roman says the express company says the package was delivered to Lucas but the cop they have tailing Lucas says there was no such delivery. He tells Bo to keep after Kate while he checks out Airmove Express.

EJ wheels over to open the package, wearing rubber gloves. A knock interrupts. He stows the package and goes to the door sans gloves. Seven foot two, 380 pound Sandy Coulter, the physical therapist, is there. EJ says he's tired but Sandy barges in, "I'll get your motor racing!" She'll lift it all by herself, too.

Lucas whines and blathers, "I just need the package! It doesn't make any sense. Who would sign for it? It's important. I need it to close the deal." At the moment Sami would rather have him close his mouth.

"What was that last sentence," says Sami, "I didn't quite catch it. It sounded something like wah-wah-wah close the deal. Are you working with Myth-Ick again?" He says no, it's just an investment he's working on. Sami wishes she could help but says the package isn't there. Lucas plays like he's calming down. She goes to return the stuff EJ brought for the twins. When Sami leaves Lucas flips out looking for the package.

Phillip says he still remembers the good times with his friend Shawn but they were kids then, "We grew up. One of us did, anyway. Did he tell you about the reunion? He and Belle were crowned king and queen. Well actually Brucie Sweetstep was crowned queen but that's another story. Anyway, I was the big war hero. I'll tell you, when I came marchin' home form that war, I was a changed man. Literally."

Hope says his connection with Shawn is still there. Phillip says they fell for the same woman. Hope says if he cares he will leave them alone.

Roman tells Bo, "I keep thinking..."

"That's our problem," says Bo, "Why don't you keep an eye on Kate for me?"

Roman gulps, "Kate and me?"

"A little too close for comfort," asks Bo.

"We're not close since Marlena was implicated in Lucas' shooting."

Bo assures him, "We'll keep an eye on you until you straighten out your exes."

Roman goes over to her table, "Hi, Kate, what's new."

Kate eyeballs him over her martini, "Go to hell, Roman." I wonder if that was an invitation to go home with her.

Sandy works on EJ. If his legs won't move, by gum, Sandy will move them for him. She doesn't get much of a response out of him.

Suddenly, Sami bashes into the apartment. Both the door and Sami are now unhinged. She screams at EJ about eavesdropping.

Chloe orders another as Phillip tells Hope he isn't the one making Belle miserable. She asks him about the night before the wedding. He is evasive and reminds her he and Belle were married and have bonded over Claire. Hope says it's time to move on. "What," says Phillip, "Shawn can't deal with Belle being a close friend with another guy?"

"We both know it's more than close," says Hope, "Aren't you the least bit ashamed?"

"No," says Phillip, "You have my permission to tell Shawn all about it." Hope finally gets that early Christmas present. "But you can't do that," says Phillip, "You know what will happen. There would be too much fallout. You had a chance to tell him before the wedding but didn't, because he may wind up hating me and divorcing Belle."

"You never know," says Hope, "He may forgive you."

"If you say so." Phillip leaves.

Bo comes up and asks what was said. Hope says she was reminding Phillip how close he and Shawn used to be, "He's gonna make trouble and Belle is terrified.

Bo speaks from experience, "Secrets and lies – never a good thing in a marriage."

"No," says Hope, "But they sure are fun to spread all over town."

Roman tells Kate Marlena was charged with attempted murder and arraigned. She got bail just like Kate and took a leave of absence from the hospital, "There was a time I was blind enough to think you had a heart, Kate. What do you want from me?"

"I want you to treat me the same as you treat Marlena."

Sami fires up the afterburners and goes ape about EJ listening to their conversations. EJ smiles, "Sandy, I'd like you to meet my wife."

"Yeah," says Sandy, "Newlyweds, right?" Sandy wants to try to have EJ walk. EJ doesn't think that's a good idea. Sandy backs off, helps him into his chair and goes for coffee, "I'll pick up my table later." With one hand, no doubt.

Sami wants to know what's the deal with EJ walking. EJ says Sandy is overoptimistic. She thinks he may be able to regain movement in his legs. Sami confronts him about the monitor. She asks where the other half is. He says it's in her apartment. Sami says she's going to tear his apartment apart until she finds it.

Bo thinks Phillip doesn't give a damn about Belle or her family. Hope thinks he's smooth and wonders if Belle can see past it, then apologizes for asking such a dumb question.

Roman admits he has a soft spot for both Marlena and Kate – his head. But Kate makes it impossible to feel sorry for her. "'What's in it for me' is your motto."

"If that's the case," asks Kate, "What was in it for me shooting EJ?"

"You tell me," says Roman, "I wonder if you took a pot shot at Sami to get EJ for yourself." He says Marlena has an excuse for trying to shoot him because she was lost in grief.

"So," snaps Kate, "she's ridding Salem of vermin while I'm a heartless assassin? You know, there was a time that you were a lot more forgiving of my faults. You need to remember just how sweet that was."

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, we have Lucas trashing one apartment while Sami trashes the other. EJ insists the baby monitor isn't there. He suggests she speak to Lucas and see if he has seen it. Sami rearranges the furniture. EJ sits in front of the cabinet with the box and Sami tells him to move. EJ smiles and sits there like a bump on a log. It's the second time today he's imitated Lucas. Sami moves over to the couch and turns pillows into missiles. AHA! She finds the monitor under a pillow. EJ notes it's turned off. Sami says she knows he was listening and storms out.

EJ wheels over and locks the door. He goes over and gets the package, "I may have just lost the battle but with this little beauty I will win the war." He looks around the apartment, "What a mess. Women!"

Chloe asks what Hope wanted. "To reminisce," says Phillip. She asks if Shawn and Belle's marriage survived the reunion. He says she will have to ask them. Chloe wants to talk about something else.

Hope tells Bo she will try to reach Marlena again. Bo wishes her luck as she leaves. Roman comes over, "Remind me why we call them the fair sex."

Bo knows, "Because if you're married to Hope, the sex is just fair."

Roman says he got nothing out of Kate but attitude. "Maybe we should call in the A-Team," says Bo. Since the A-Team isn't available, Bo goes over and gives it another try.

Kate says she has an important meeting to go to. Bo threatens jail for obstructing justice, "Since you've already been charged, I can bring you in anytime and you can be there for a day... or three... or six... so tell me what is in that package."

"I don't know," says Kate as her phone rings. Bo practically jumps for joy. Kate answers.

It's Lucas. Kate says, "Bo is wondering what's inside that package."

Panic-boy Lucas wants to know what she told him. "Someone signed for it but it wasn't me," he whines.

Kate hangs up and looks at Bo, "Lucas says, 'What package?'"

Since mommy couldn't help, Lucas is on the phone ranting at the air express company. The dispatcher says Lucas' neighbor said he gave it to Lucas. Lucas boils, "WHY DON'T YOU CHECK THE ID NEXT TIME? MORON!"

Sami stands at the door and watches the meltdown, "I want full disclosure. What is inside that package you were looking for? I wanna know right now." Sami must be slipping. She wants something and didn't throw her bod at him.

Phillip says, "You're a mystery to me, Chloe. Your attitude is, 'What do you say we go bust up their marriage?'"

Chloe says she doesn't want them to bust up. Phillip claims he's not interested in her. Chloe gets closer, "I've already got your attention, soldier. You just don't know it yet. I think I'm worth a martini. Dry. Dry and dirty."

Phillip moves in, "You seem convinced we have this connection. Now is your chance to prove it. Starting now." Chloe kisses him. Phillip's remaining body parts respond.

Bo says he thinks Kate is going about this the wrong way, "Marlena volunteered the info but, then again, she has a conscience. Lucas is in one hell of a lot of trouble."

"I'll give him the message," says Kate.

Bo thinks Kate is hiding something besides the gun. Kate flips her boa and says she has nothing to say. Bo gets a call. He smiles, "Good work. I'll get back to you." He hangs up and tells Kate, "You just lost your chance. You'll never guess who has the package."

EJ opens the box. He finds the case inside and opens it, "OH!" He laughs and pulls out the gun, "Bang-bang, Lucas, bang-bang."


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