The Human Genome Project

It was a dark and smarmy night.

Phillip is slumped over his desk with his arms folded and head down. He looks up and there stands Hot Mama Belle, the lady in red with the empty head. "I finally did it," she says, "I left Shawn."

Meanwhile, Shawn and Belle are done playing cops and slobbers. Shawn gives Belle a back massage. "How's that feel," he asks.

Belle moans, "Almost as good as if Phillip and I were going at it like a couple of junkyard dogs."

Belle decides it's even better than sex. Shawn's male ego deflates like yesterday's cheap balloon. Belle backpedals. Shawn says he thinks it feels right to be married. He's sorry he ever doubted her. "You have no reason to apologize," says Belle.

Bo barges in to their bedroom. He tells Hope the guys at the station were impressed with Shawn.

"Because of the gun," asks Hope.

"No," says Bo, "He got a discount on our donut order." He tells her the gun had Kate's fingerprints were on it. Hope likes the fact that Shawn got the gun, but isn't thrilled about him wrestling it away from the creep. She decides he'll get into the academy, though, "Provided Phillip doesn't sabotage him again."

Bo drops the bomb, "It wasn't Phillip who wrote that letter. It was Belle."

Sami thinks EJ should hire a nurse to bathe him. He pulls her in and yanks her onto his lap, "Why would I need a nurse when I've got you?" Right on cue, Lucas busts in. He takes it all in stride like the rational adult he is and immediately tires to kill EJ.

The sisters plan for Ford's seduction. Chelsea comes in with supplies. She assures Cordy they won't hurt him. Slone decides she doesn't want to be alone with Ford. Stephanie supports Slone and asks how they will protect her.

Ford gets ready as Chelsea promises they will teach him a lesson he will never forget.

Sami pulls EJ and Lucas apart. She asks if EJ is OK. EJ insists he is fine. Sami lectures Lucas and wonders if they should get EJ back to the hospital. EJ says that isn't necessary, "But I would like you to get me a pain killer."

"Actually, I think killing Lucas would be a bit much," says Sami.

Garrulous Lucas lectures, "You were in his lap!" Sami insists she fell. Lucas snorts, "What're ya lying for the guy now?"

EJ says, "No, actually Lucas, she's lying for you. You might as well tell him."

"What's going on," snarls Lucas.

Chelsea pulls Stephanie aside. She asks what's with her lately. Stephanie insists nothing. They argue. Morgan comes in and says the plan is risky. Chelsea says Ford won't expect a bunch of women to get the best of him, "Are we in this together?"

Morgan thinks it's worth the risk but the girls all wonder what will happen after they let him go. One of them pipes in, "We are gonna let him go, right?"

Hope can't believe Belle wrote the letter, "When did she learn to write? "

Bo says, "Belle didn't want Shawn to be a cop. Until last night. Shawn has forgiven her."

Hope thinks going behind Shawn's back is habitual with Belle, "I'm really starting to believe that maybe you are right." (Bo faints.) Hope continues, "Maybe we should have told Shawn about Belle's affair."

Shawn and Belle smooch in bed, "I don't deserve you," says Shawn.

"I don't deserve you," says Belle. Well, that settles that. Belle whines, "There is something I need to tell you."

Mimi sticks her head in the door, "Hey! That's my line."

Sultry Belle walks in and says she told Shawn she was in love with Phillip. Phillip beams. Belle says divorcing Phillip was the worst mistake she ever made, "I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. We belong together." Phillip moves in.

EJ announces Sami is falling in love with him. Sami insists that's not what she said. EJ looks at Lucas and says, "Ask her."

Lucas growls, "What's going on Sami?"

Ford (Figure On Rape Daily) inspects his pills and makes a call. Slone answers. He says he's on his way. Slone hangs up and tells the girls Ford is coming over. They all rush to fix his drink. Stephanie stops them and says Slone is shaking. Chelsea encourages her. Morgan thinks they may have to cancel. Slone is indecisive. Chelsea decides to step up to the plate and confront Ford herself.

Bo waits for the bad news he's certain is about to come, "I'm not gonna like this, am I?" Hope tells him about the phone message. Bo goes off the deep end. He decides Shawn has to know right now.

Belle whines, "I'm not the innocent woman you think I am."

"I know," says Shawn, "You sure liked those handcuffs." Shawn sees her as the woman he loves not an innocent girl any more. She insists she's not the woman he knows.

Belle's vision stands in front of Phillip in her leopard skin dress and stylish rimmed hat. "I love you," says Belle, "Not Shawn."

Phillip gets nasty, "I've heard that before. I need proof."

Belle holds up a meat cleaver, "How's this? Shawn's dead. I killed him like you asked."

Phillip freaks, "I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO KILL HIM!"

"Of course you did," says Belle, "Now we can be together."

"Maybe you should ditch the meat cleaver first," says Phillip, "How could you kill him?"

"I did it for you."

Stephanie tires to talk Chelsea out of it, but Ford's knock interrupts. The girls protest but all leave. Chelsea turns on the baby monitor and answers the door. Ford's eyes pop out, "What are you doing here?"

Chelsea turns on the charm, "What do you think?"

Hope tells Bo what Phillip said in the message. Bo stammers. He asks how Hope found out about it.

Sheepish Hope hems and haws and comes clean. She tells him she listened to the message. Bo ignores the fact that Hope is a meddling busybody and says he is tired of Belle lying to Shawn. Hope thinks they should wait to see what Belle says to Marlena before doing something they will regret. After that, they can do something they will regret. Bo asks, "If she lies to her husband why wouldn't she lie to her mother?"

Sami thinks this isn't the time. EJ presses, "Tell him."

Lucas snaps, crackles and pops, "Don't bother! I know the answer." He storms out.

Chelsea invites Ford inside. She tells him Slone is out, "I had Slone invite you over because I wanted to talk to you alone. I want to apologize for posting those flyers. Cordy told me she lied. She said you didn't rape her."

Ford asks, "And what about Morgan? Is she sticking to her story?" Chelsea says she and Morgan got into a fight and aren't talking. Morgan smirks as Chelsea rambles on about what a rat she is. Ford asks, "And what about the prof? Are you still dating him?"

"The prof turned out to be too boring for me," says Chelsea, "I'm not that interested in the Human Gnome Project."

"I think you mean the Human Genome Project," says Ford.

"Whatever," says Chelsea, "I prefer to have a good time. I think we are a lot alike."

Ford turns and checks the place out. He walks over to the stairs and looks up, then he heads for the girls' room, "You must think I'm really stupid. I know exactly what's going on." The girls cower and shiver inside the room.

Sami asks why EJ provoked Lucas. He says he thought she would be relieved now that they no longer have to hide their feelings. She lectures him. She worries Lucas will keep her from her kids. He says, No judge in his right mind would keep a mother from her kids. Besides, you seem to be doing a good enough job of that on your own. I want to know, Samantha, should I be suspicious of you?"

Ford says, "I've got this all figured out. You're making nice so I won't sue."

"That thought never even crossed my mind," says Chelsea, "Or any other thought for that matter. I didn't think about you suing me."

"You," booms Ford, "I'm suing the whole sorority. I will own you."

"I was only thinking of apologizing," says Chelsea, "I thought maybe we could hang out." Ford does a double-take. "Don't act so surprised," says Chelsea, "You know you're hot and know I've been attracted to you."

Ford is skeptical, "Right – and that's why you trashed me."

"I believed Cordy," says Chelsea, "But even after she told me the truth I was sacred off because my feelings for you were so intense. I guess I blew my chance. I understand if you don't trust me. Bye."

"Who said I was going anywhere," he asks. Ford says he won't sue if she publicly confesses that it was all a mistake. Chelsea agrees to do it. Suddenly, Ford thinks he might stick around. She offers him a drink. "Only if you're drinking with me," says Ford. Chelsea's thirsty. Ford orders bourbon on the rocks.

Chelsea goes to get it as Ford makes himself comfortable. Inside the girls' room, Chelsea helps spike the drink. "Ok," she says, "Ford's drink is in my left hand, mine is in my right. Ford left... me right... Ford left... me right... Ford right..."

Chelsea comes out, hands him the drink and toasts new beginnings. He takes her drink from her and says they need music. Chelsea goes to put it on. While she's gone, Ford takes out his pills and slips her a Mickey. She comes back and Ford toasts, "Here's to a truce." Clink! Ford stops her before they drink, "Taste mine first."

Hope stops Bo from completely going ape, "If Shawn finds out God knows what is going to happen. Let's wait and see what happens. I hate being in this position." Bo suggests a different position.

Shawn sleeps. Belle stares out the window. Shawn wakes and goes over to her. He asks her to come back to bed. Sullen Belle stares.

Phillip stares. Outside the window, angelic Belle turns. The wind blows her hair and gown.

Sami insists she cares. "Then prove it," says EJ, "Stay here tonight." Sami says she can't do that. They negotiate. Sami don' wanna. He relents and kisses her as she leaves. After the door closes EJ's smile melts.

Ford says he doesn't drink anything he doesn't pour himself, "Humor me. Have a drink of mine." Chelsea drinks.

As they listen in on the baby monitor, the sisters gasp in unison, "Chelsea! NO!"

"Satisfied," says Chelsea.

"Not yet," says the slimeball, "But I think I'm going to be."

Chelsea toasts, "Here's to getting what we want – and deserve." They drink. Smiles all around.


Lucas gives Sami his patented look-that-could-kill, "I always suspected something was going on."

Sami defends herself, "I swear, nothing is happening. After all, this is DOOL." Hard-hearted Lucas opens the door and tells her to go back to her husband. Sami protests. She insists she could never love someone else. Today, that is. Lucas works his jaw. For sure, that's the most worked jaw in Salem.

Bo promises he will wait before he blows his stack. If they catch Belle in any more lies, though, he's telling Shawn. Hope agrees. "OK," says Bo, "We'll let it go for now. Besides, we have our own problem."

Hope takes the bait, "What's that?"

"There is too much space between us." Hope makes it all better.

Shawn kisses Belle. The distant dunce finally responds. They work their way over to the bed.

Phillip wakes with a start. He looks at the picture of Belle and Claire and longs for his little girl. Claire, too.

Chelsea zones. Ford moves in, "Chelsea, I'm glad you were here instead of Slone."

Chelsea slurs, "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah," says Ford, "Because with everything you did to me you deserve exactly what you're going to get." Ford attacks.

Chelsea squeals, "Stop it! Stop it!"

"You know you want it," says Ford. The rape alarm goes off, EERT! EERT! EERT! Inside the girls' room, everyone goes into action. The posse rides into Dry Gulch. Stephanie leads the charge, "FORD! STOP IT YOU SOB!"


Previews
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