Trust
It has been a while since we had a Saturday edition. We wanted to have one today, but couldn't think of much to write about. So we thought we'd tell you about a little adventure we had.
Recently I stopped for gas at a local station here in Prevuzalem. That was no big deal, but while I was pumping the gas, after I got bored watching the QTY numbers slowly roll while the PRICE numbers flipped at the speed of light, I noticed a sticker on the pump which said, "No prepay required, WE TRUST YOU." Gosh, I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.
Then, I happened to look to my right and saw a menacing sign posted next to the pump which said, "WARNING – VIDEO SURVEILLANCE." The second sign went on to tell me how everything I did was being videotaped and they prosecute ALL thefts, ALL credit card fraud and ALL illegal activity.
In other words, they trusted me, but were watching because they knew down deep I was thieving scum.
So I looked back to my left – warm fuzzies. I looked to my right – cold chills. Warm fuzzies... cold chills.
Seeing the paradox here and, of course, the humor of the situation, I ditched my iPod, grabbed my camera and snapped a picture of the pump and adjoining post. Then I moved in for a close-up of the two.
Suddenly, I sensed a presence. Barbara. Big Barbara. To be exact, all 300 pounds of her. Her nametag said she was there to assist me. Her nametag lied.
Big Barbara wanted to know just what the hell I was doing snooping around her gas station with a camera.
"Your run-down sump-pit has been selected as a finalist in Gas Station Beautiful Magazine's Station of the Year Award."
No, not good. This wasn't the time for a Prevuzism. Barbara didn't look like she had anything remotely related to a sense of humor.
My mind reeled. What would Belle do? Well, forget that. What would Sami do? What would Kate do?
Time was running out. Her cigarette was near its end and those signs, after all, did say "NO SMOKING." What if she finished it, threw it down and we all went up like Melaswen? OMG!
I... I panicked. I panicked and... shamed my DOOL heritage and... TOLD HER THE TRUTH! Once Barbara got past the word 'paradox,' she cut loose on me. She told me I wasn't ALLOWED to do that. And then a miracle happened. She turned and walked away. I felt like a raccoon in a trap where the door had just mysteriously opened. I looked around. I was alone. My car door stood open and inviting. Feet don't fail me now!
I hit the front seat, the starter and the gas in the same instant. I peeled out like Shawn headed for a suburban living room. As I screeched through the lot, I caught a glimpse of Barbara standing in her tiny hut talking on the phone. Had she called the police? Did it matter? Hell, the whole thing was on videotape anyway.
Days passed. The police didn't come knocking at my door to confiscate my camera and computer. Maybe I was in the clear. I got more confident. I started to feel smug. I got cocky. I got downright Beauregard Brady arrogant! I had to go back! It's true – they always return to the scene of the crime.
With all the conceited overconfidence in the world I pulled my car into the station I had beaten. I also gave an insecure glance to the office, and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Barbara wasn't there. I pulled up to the pump and got out of the car.
GASP!
The "WE TRUST YOU" stickers were gone! In their place were stickers promoting the "FASTEST GAS IN TOWN." My stealth was amazing as I quickly grabbed my camera, snapped a shot of the new stickers and tossed it back into my car. I got my gas and took off.
Recently I stopped for gas at a local station here in Prevuzalem. That was no big deal, but while I was pumping the gas, after I got bored watching the QTY numbers slowly roll while the PRICE numbers flipped at the speed of light, I noticed a sticker on the pump which said, "No prepay required, WE TRUST YOU." Gosh, I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.
Then, I happened to look to my right and saw a menacing sign posted next to the pump which said, "WARNING – VIDEO SURVEILLANCE." The second sign went on to tell me how everything I did was being videotaped and they prosecute ALL thefts, ALL credit card fraud and ALL illegal activity.
In other words, they trusted me, but were watching because they knew down deep I was thieving scum.
So I looked back to my left – warm fuzzies. I looked to my right – cold chills. Warm fuzzies... cold chills.
Seeing the paradox here and, of course, the humor of the situation, I ditched my iPod, grabbed my camera and snapped a picture of the pump and adjoining post. Then I moved in for a close-up of the two.
Suddenly, I sensed a presence. Barbara. Big Barbara. To be exact, all 300 pounds of her. Her nametag said she was there to assist me. Her nametag lied.
Big Barbara wanted to know just what the hell I was doing snooping around her gas station with a camera.
"Your run-down sump-pit has been selected as a finalist in Gas Station Beautiful Magazine's Station of the Year Award."
No, not good. This wasn't the time for a Prevuzism. Barbara didn't look like she had anything remotely related to a sense of humor.
My mind reeled. What would Belle do? Well, forget that. What would Sami do? What would Kate do?
Time was running out. Her cigarette was near its end and those signs, after all, did say "NO SMOKING." What if she finished it, threw it down and we all went up like Melaswen? OMG!
I... I panicked. I panicked and... shamed my DOOL heritage and... TOLD HER THE TRUTH! Once Barbara got past the word 'paradox,' she cut loose on me. She told me I wasn't ALLOWED to do that. And then a miracle happened. She turned and walked away. I felt like a raccoon in a trap where the door had just mysteriously opened. I looked around. I was alone. My car door stood open and inviting. Feet don't fail me now!
I hit the front seat, the starter and the gas in the same instant. I peeled out like Shawn headed for a suburban living room. As I screeched through the lot, I caught a glimpse of Barbara standing in her tiny hut talking on the phone. Had she called the police? Did it matter? Hell, the whole thing was on videotape anyway.
Days passed. The police didn't come knocking at my door to confiscate my camera and computer. Maybe I was in the clear. I got more confident. I started to feel smug. I got cocky. I got downright Beauregard Brady arrogant! I had to go back! It's true – they always return to the scene of the crime.
With all the conceited overconfidence in the world I pulled my car into the station I had beaten. I also gave an insecure glance to the office, and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Barbara wasn't there. I pulled up to the pump and got out of the car.
GASP!
The "WE TRUST YOU" stickers were gone! In their place were stickers promoting the "FASTEST GAS IN TOWN." My stealth was amazing as I quickly grabbed my camera, snapped a shot of the new stickers and tossed it back into my car. I got my gas and took off.
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9 Comments:
You sure you want to keep using that gas station? They may have you marked.....
Hilarious!!!!
LOLOLOL
Don't worry. If the cops in Prevuzalem are as incompetent as in Salem,, the tape has already been stolen, erased, or taped over.
Unless, of course, the DiMera's have it and will be using it in order to blackmail Prevuze into doing their bidding.
Fabulous Saturday Prevuze!!
Are sure you weren't in Salem??
LOL
Are sure you weren't in Salem??
Hmmm... the more I think about it, the company name at the bottom of the video warning sign was, "John's Porn-Mobile and Electronic Surveillance, Inc."
In this case you could've shown her the badge and said you work for the Dept. of Commerce and you're checking their machines.
Yeah, but do Dept. of Commerce people drive vehicles with big lettering on the side that says "PREVUZE-MOBILE?"
Frickin' hilarious!!!
I really do wonder what kate would do!
Uhm, I seem to notice you mention pumping your gas, then jumping in your car and taking off. Did you pay? LMAO, they might still be after you!
LMAO!!!! That was hilarious! Though since the sign switching was done so quickly, I hardly think it was in Salem since nothing but pregnancies can go that fast.
Did you pay?
Ssshhhhhh! You were supposed to keep that a secret.
nothing but pregnancies can go that fast.
Except for Doodlebug, or Dung Beetle, or whatever her name is. Hope was pregnant with her for so long, she was the first soap character ever to be SORASed in the womb.
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