Hormonal Basket Case

At the conclusion of yesterday's thrill–packed episode, we left our hero and heroine, Sh-yawn and Dulle cavorting like a couple of hormone-crazed nymphs in the spare bedroom (forsaking the master bedroom out of respect for Mimi, of course), with Bonnie soaking it all in from the balcony. As we rejoin the show today, the near-euphoric Dulle spontaneously breaks into a chorus of 'Roll Me Over In The Clover' while Bonnie continues to shoot skin flicks and send them to Mimi. Meanwhile, the Salem PD monitors Bonnie's email and plans to arrest her for publishing kiddie-porn. Mimi is distraught but, hey, kind of enjoys the pictures. Back in the bedroom, Dulle continues to sing as Sh-yawn frantically searches for anything resembling clover. Finally he asks her if she will settle for the philodendron on the bureau.

Sami, Austin and Will arrive at an arcade, "This is my surprise," asks Will. Will might not like the place but Austin does.

Sami says, "Here is a whole bunch of quarters to spend to congratulate you on a good report card."

Will, turning into a little brat himself, uh, minus any homicide incidents, says, "I'm not nine any more, Mom. You can't bribe me with some stupid video arcade." He has no problem with taking the money, though. He goes for a soda. Sami wonders if he will ever forgive and forget. Austin thinks maybe there is something he can do to help.

Lucas serves hot coffee to his hot lady. They talk about their bridesmaid and best man. Carrie thinks it's generous of Kate to pop for the honeymoon. This brings up Shawn and Mimi and the honeymoon they didn't take. Carrie tells Lucas about Mimi's fertility treatments.

"Maybe we'll be next," says Lucas.

"Yeah, anyway... where were we," asks Carrie.

"Wedding plans," says Lucas.

"Right."

Lucas says, "Look, I'm sorry Austin put you on the spot like that."

Carrie says, "I think Austin realizes you and I are together now."

"If he doesn't, I'll have to whip out the big guns," says Lucas, "If he keeps harassing you like he has been, I might have to teach him a lesson he'll never forget."

"Why is this happening," wails Mimi, "We were just at Green Mountain Lodge. I thought this might happen if he found out about Claire, but he doesn't know, so why is he in our second bedroom doing it with Belle."

"Because she is a conniving wench," says Bonnie, "Get in there before they pass the point of no return."

Mimi goes into hysterics. Bonnie advises, "You've got to either get in there and catch them before they do it and make Shawn feel guilty for the rest of his life, or catch them in the act of Flagrante Delecto and settle for his trust fund."

Mimi goes in. Bonnie follows. Clothes are strewn across the room. "OMG," says Bonnie.

Mimi blubbers, "We're too late."

From the bedroom we hear screams, "Oh, Shawn, give it to me!"

"Don’t pull so hard or you'll end up on the floor," yells Shawn.

"What are they doing," asks Bonnie.

Mimi breaks down and starts to leave. Bonnie stops her, "You're staying. You'll thank me later when you're conferencing with your attorney." Shawn and Belle come out of the bedroom wearing nothing but a smile... and a towel.

John computes and pinpoints the location of Alex and Marlena. He's going to take his private jet.

"What if you're walking into a trap," asks Frankie.

Alex says, "I enticed you with a few thousand dollars as a down payment. Now I want you to look at some real money." He opens a briefcase full of scratch. "This is half. You'll get the rest when you stop John. And I will help you to get Hope."

Marlena tells Hope she can't give up on Bo. Hope says her marriage is over.

Billie rushes into Bo's office. Bo says, "Hope's shacked up somewhere with Lockhart."

Billie says, "What?"

Bo says, "When I find that bastard, he's dead."

Billie assures Bo she doesn't know where Lockhart is, "What are you going to do? Become a vigilante and search the world over for the man who is sleeping with your wife?"

"I'm not gonna sit back and do nothing," says Bo, "Even if he's not a murderer, he is a con man."

Frankie thinks Alex may be setting John up.

Alex says, "I want John out of Marlena's life. You want Bo out of Hope's life. Similar goals, similar means.

Patrick says, "I'd make a deal with the devil to be with Hope."

Alex chuckles, "I think you just did."

Hope says Bo has made his choice, "Our marriage is over. But you are getting your memory back."

"Alex has been doing all he can to control me," says Marlena.

"What has he done," asks Hope. Alex walks in. He needs to speak to Marlena in private.

"I know how this looks," says Shawn.

"Have you no shame," screams Bonnie.

"It's better it happened this way," says Mimi.

"We thought you would be gone longer," says Belle

"This was pretty much inevitable," says Mimi.

Bonnie takes her aside and tells her to play it cool. "I'm the one lying anyway," says Mimi. She turns to Shawn, "Now I might as well tell you everything..."

"Austin knows you and I are together now," repeats Carrie, "Besides, Sami loves Austin."

"She covets him," says Lucas.

"But she still loves you," says Carrie.

"That's not what I was gonna say," says Lucas, "Sami only loves herself."

"She won't forget what the two of you had."

"It was amazing and intense," says Lucas, "But maybe that's why it didn't work out."

"That's how it was for me and Austin, too," says Carrie, "I just want us all to be happy in the end." Hugs.

Lucas says, "I don't know about them, but no one is happier to be with you than I am right now."

Carrie notices there is a message on the answering machine. She presses the button, "Hi. This is Austin..."

Austin tells Sami he will talk to Will.

"You're the best, Austin," says Sami.

Austin looks around, "I think this is more of a treat for me than Will. It feels good hanging out with you."

Austin goes over to play against Will, "You're going down," says Will.

As they sit in the cockpits steering their virtual cars Austin asks, "Why are you angry with your mom?"

Will says, "She had me thinking she and Dad would get back together, but now he's with Aunt Carrie. She lied to me and said I was your son. She will never stop lying."

"She wanted to work thinks out," says Austin.

"Yeah," says Will, "And she asked you to move in the day my dad left her. I wish she would tell me the truth about stuff." Will's car wipes out. Austin taunts him. They decide to try again.

Austin says, "You have to accelerate around the turn or you'll slow down."

Will wins the second game, "Thanks for the do-over," he says.

Austin asks, "You wanna give your mom a do-over?" Pan in on Sami.

John says he will be ready for anything North throws at him. He rushes off.

Alex brings Marlena back to the room and asks what they were talking about. "Her divorcing Bo," says Marlena, "If they could just communicate they could resolve their differences. You can't force two people to be together."

"I'm concerned," says Alex, "You don't seem to be yourself of late."

Marlena turns on him, "You mean I'm not the person you want me to be. For instance, I know you've been drugging me. You're keeping me from getting my memories back." She takes the syringe out of her purse, tosses it onto the floor and crushes it. "I'm leaving now, and I'm doing it with the help of Patrick and Hope." How did this nitwit make it through kindergarten, let alone become a doctor?

Alex grabs her as she tries to leave.

Hope tells Patrick they have to help Marlena. Patrick says they can't tell Marlena what to do, "I'm more worried about your conversation with Bo."

"He should never have challenged me for being with you," says Hope, "My marriage is over. I'm never going back."

Bo is hyper, "I have to protect Hope form Lockhart."

Billie says, "Hope is a cop. She has good instincts. Did she seem worried?"

"No," says Bo, "She asked if you and I had been intimate. I didn't want to lie. I didn't say anything but I think my silence answered the question. And she has slept with Lockhart. How did our marriage just crumble? It just doesn't..."

"What are you saying," asks Billie, "Is your marriage really over?"

"No," says Bo, "But we'll keep saying that through May sweeps, anyway."

Sami plays a game. Austin interrupts and says, "Will has something he wants to say to you."

Before Will can say anything, Lucas and Carrie come in. They got Austin's message to join them. Lucas congratulates Will for his good report card.

"Thanks, Dad," says Will, "I'm glad you came. I know you don't like to spend time with Mom."

"Since I left the message," says Austin, "Will has made a decision."

Drum roll... "I've decided to move back in with Mom."

Austin says, "This way you and Carrie will have more time to have monkey-sex."

"We want what you want," says Lucas, "You will always have your room at our place. It's great you want to spend time with your mother."

"Thank you," says Sami. Hugs.

"It was uncle Austin's idea," says Will.

Austin suggests a photo in the photo booth. Off they go.

"It's great to see Sami and Austin together," says Carrie.

"Yeah, maybe I was wrong," says Lucas, "Here you are Will's aunt and now you will be his stepmother. And Austin is his uncle. If he and Sami get married... hard to imagine, isn't it?"

"Not really," says Carrie, "Incest is part of Salem's quaint Zeitgeist."

"No," says Lucas , "You mean its Gestalt."

Bonnie breaks in, "Actually, Mimi was going to say how very jealous she still is when the two of you are alone together. And she was right. You're her husband, Shawn. How can you do this? You should be ashamed."

Shawn says, "I realize how this looks. Let us get dressed and we will explain." Belle assures everyone things will be fine.

"Good luck trying to talk your way out of this one," says Bonnie. Belle heads for the master bedroom to change, while Shawn heads for the guest bedroom. Bonnie says, "Separate rooms, isn't it a little late for that?"

Once they are out of the room, Mimi asks, "Why didn't you just let me tell them the truth."

"There are still a few viewers who haven't run out screaming," says Bonnie, "We have to keep dragging it out until we've lost them all."

"I just don't know why I would marry a man who doesn’t love me," says Mimi.

"He does," says Bonnie, "Let's give him the benefit of the doubt."

Shawn rushes out, fully dressed, "Let me show you something, OK?"

They go into the spare room. Mimi stares, "Gasp!"

Marlena struggles. Even Alex can't figure out how she could be so dumb, "Why would you admit you were on to me?" He jams the syringe into her arm. "I will always be one step ahead of you."

Marlena gets woozy, "I... have... to... tell... Hope... to... find... John..."

"Oh," says Alex, "Didn't I tell you? John is on the way here. Once he gets here, you and he will finally be punished for what you have done..." He sees the drugs have completely kicked in, "Welcome home, Marlena."

Marlena smiles, "Was I gone?"

"In a manner of speaking," says Alex, "Yes, but now you are fine. Don't forget to wear your necklace."

"Oh my goodness," she chuckles, "I feel naked without it." She goes to put it on.

Alex says to himself, "And now, let the games begin."

Hope says she is going back to Salem for the brat's trial, "Bo's on her and Billie's side now. I have to be there for Zack."

Frankie rushes into Bo's office, "The judge has moved up Chelsea's trial date. As Chelsea's lawyer, I can't in good conscience inform Hope, because the mother of the victim can carry a lot of weight. Besides, as an attorney, I am committed never to do anything that might seem remotely honorable."

Billie chimes in, "If Hope's here, basically that will guarantee Chelsea goes to jail."

Frankie turns to Bo, "It's your call to say whether or not you want Hope to know about it."

Meanwhile, back on the island, Hope says, "Thank God Chelsea's trial isn't for weeks. I'm in no condition to go back to Salem."

Marlena and Alex come in. Marlena asks them to join them for dinner and gambling. They agree. Hope asks to talk to Marlena. She wants to finish their conversation about Bo.

Hope asks, "Are you OK? What's going on? I thought you wanted to be with John."

Marlena is shocked, "No, I'm in love with Alex."

"What happened," says Hope.

"I'm afraid you must've misunderstood," says Marlena, "John is the monster. He tried to kill Alex during our wedding ceremony."

Marlena and Alex leave so Hope and Patrick can change clothes. Hope tells Patrick she is worried about Marlena. She tells him she was getting her memory back, but now doesn't even remember the conversation.

"I don't know much about amnesia," says Patrick, "But maybe you shouldn't be surprised she didn't remember something."

The tiresome foursome gets back to Lucas' apartment. Sami thanks Will for agreeing to move back in, temporarily at least. He goes to pack. She thanks Austin with a kiss.

Lucas discovers an envelope from Basic Black. Carrie opens it. Wedding gown sketches. Carrie thanks him. She won't let him see the designs, though.

"OK," he agrees, "I've had enough bad luck weddings for a lifetime."

Sami comes over and looks at the sketches.

Lucas thanks Austin for helping Sami and Will work things out. He wishes him luck with Sami this time.

Sami and Carrie fawn over the dresses. Carrie finds one she really likes and then says, "I'll be right back, OK?"

"Well gentlemen, and Lucas," says Sami, It looks like Carrie will be a beautiful bride."

"And I can't wait to walk her down the aisle," says Lucas.

Shawn 'splains, "We wanted to have all this finished by the time you returned, but had an accident with the paint can."

Flashback to the two juveniles fighting over the tray full of paint. They have a tug-o'-war as the paint sloshes. "Give it to me," yells Belle, "Don't pull so hard." Paint goes everywhere. As intelligent as they are (choke), they just can't believe flinging a tray full of paint around the room actually caused it to spill. Shawn says, "We have to clean this up before Mimi gets back."

"It was such a mess," giggles Belle, "We had to get out of our clothes. I can't believe you thought..."

"I think I just dodged another heart attack," says Bonnie.

"Can you ever forgive me," asks Mimi.

"Fahgedaboutit," says Belle, "I know exactly what's going on. You're so emotional because of those hormone shots."

"You are going through so much to have this baby," says Shawn.

"I guess I'm just a hormonal basket case," says Mimi. Hugs.

Carrie comes out and asks to see the dress she liked. Sami hands it to her and she breaks into tears and rips it up. Talk about a hormonal basket case. "I won't need it. I'm sorry. This isn't going to work."

Billie says, "I shouldn't go against Hope."

"I know how to get in touch with her," says Bo, "I called her today. I am responsible for Chelsea. I'm not telling Hope."

Billie is magnanimous, "I will support you Bo, any way you decide to go I will be there for you."

Bo leaves. Frankie says, "When she finds out he kept this from her, she will never forgive him."

At the casino, Patrick tells Hope Marlena looks happy to him. Alex tells them their table is ready. He takes Patrick aside, "Have fun tonight, because starting now you are on the clock. When John Black shows up, your job is to kill him."

John stands at the door in his tux. He turns to the Maitre D', "Black, John Black. Shaken not stirred." The world stops turning. John Black has arrived. John squints.


Previews
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Carrie makes the big announcement, "Lucas and I are having a baby." Sami asks, "What?" Carrie says, "I'm pregnant."

Frankie asks, "Have you even thought about the consequences when Hope finds out you have kept the trial date from her?" Bo says, "I'm hoping she doesn't find out." Frankie says, "She's going to. You're going to lose her forever."

Hope says, "If you go after Alex, it will only make things worse between you and Marlena." John says, "Yeah-yeah, I know."

Alex tells Patrick, "John Black needs to die tonight."