A Nip Here, A Tuck There

Kate and John are in bed. Kate says, “I can’t believe how much I am going on about missing Roman. I’m sorry. I’m being selfish. I don’t understand. I thought I was doing so much better.” John says that’s because she had Lucas and Sami’s wedding to focus on. He wonders what will become of Sami. He let her down. Kate says Sami has no one to blame but herself.

“Well, it’s not her fault I didn’t bring Roman and Doc home, is it?”

Kate tells him he has to stop blaming himself, “We have to take care of ourselves and be here for each other.” She strokes the stubble, which, by the way, hasn't grown a centimeter even though he allegedly hasn't shaved for two weeks.

Marlena tells Roman they can’t let Tony get to them. Bart interrupts. He rolls a table in with a cloth covering it. It’s dinner. They don’t want it. “Hey,” says Bart, “You haven’t even seen it yet. I mean, I admit it’s a weird combo, but it’s not half as bad as in the movie Whatever Happened to Baby Jane when she served her sister that dead rat and pet bird. But, I digress. Don’t worry. It isn’t poisoned.”

“Everything Tony touches is poisoned,” snaps Marlena.

Bo and Hope are sharing their romantic dinner. Hope says she’s sorry for spoiling the evening. Bo says she hasn’t spoiled it, “...and, I’ve got plans for you. More wine?” She says she’s glad they have the place alone tonight. Bo says, “I told you Billie would find a place to stay.” The doorbell interrupts their tender kiss. Hope asks, “Who do you think that could be.” Bo grits his teeth.

It’s none other than Ms. Billie Reed. She apologizes as she walks in. Bo says it’s OK. Hope scowls, “No. It’s not OK.”

Sami asks, “OK, who is this?”

“I told you,” says the voice from Hell. “It’s a friend.” Sami says she doesn’t have any friends. The voice says, “I am here to help you. Take the first step. Open your front door.” Skeptical Sami goes to her door and, after a dramatic pause, opens it, “OMG! Who the hell are you?”

“It’s irrelevant,” he says, “I was sent to give you this.” He hands her a bulging envelope.

“What is it,” asks Sami, “Some kind of bomb?” He gives her an evil stare. She looks inside, “OMG! It’s full of money. They’re all hundreds.”

The guy says, “And plane tickets and other things you might find useful.”

“Look,” Sami says into the phone, “This isn’t funny. Tell me who you are. Why are you doing this?”

The scene shifts to the diabolical Tony DiMera with his handy-dandy electronic voice disguiser, “Just do what the man before you says and I promise you will have the revenge you seek.” He hangs up. Sami stares.

Sami asks who is behind this. The mystery guy says he has no idea, “I was contacted anonymously and instructed to do this. May I come in? I am here to do what I do better than anyone on the planet. But I can tell you, this is the strangest assignment I have ever had. Let’s get started”

“Started with what?”

“I was instructed if you asked that to respond like this: I will help you achieve that which you most desire.”

“REVENGE,” says Sami.

Billie says when she left she had no intention of returning. Hope says, “Oh, but you left your makeup bag upstairs. Well, I’ll just run up and get it for you.” Hope goes upstairs.

Bo asks if Billie found her mom. She says yes. Bo says they’ll just call the court and tell them Billie will be staying with her mom. “Actually,” says Billie, “things didn’t quite turn out the way we hoped.” Bo wiggles.

Roman tells Bart, “I wouldn’t trust you if you said the earth was round.”

“The earth is round? Hey, I couldn’t come up with this stuff myself. This is from the Count.”

Tony walks in, “That’s enough, Bartholomew.” Bart tells him Roman and Marlena won’t eat. “What,” says Tony, “After I took all that time arranging this special meal?” Tony says he can’t control them. He can just set the stage. He thinks they are afraid of letting their emotions get ahead of them. Bart asks if their mojo is rising. Tony tells him if he really wants to know he should just look them in the eye. Bart gets in Marlena’s face. She belts him.

“Eat or not,” says Tony as he and Bart leave.

Roman is curious. He pulls the tablecloth off. Marlena says, “I don’t believe this.”

John tells Kate she needs to go get some rest. He thinks maybe if he takes a hot shower it will loosen him up. He starts to get up. He can’t move. The shower will have to wait. Kate says she knows something better than a shower, “I’ll be right back.”

Bart asks Tony what was up with the weird meal they just served Marlena and Roman. Tony says, “That meal will conjure up a memory they won’t be able to resist. It will rekindle the passion they once felt for each other.” Bart tells him Roman and Marlena know what he is up to. Tony says, “Whether they know what I am up to and whether they can resist it are two different things. Because they know what I am up to only increases my pleasure because once those emotions are rekindled and take hold, they won’t be able to resist them. Not those temptations.”

Roman takes inventory. They’ve got pepperoni and anchovy pizza, beer, Moo Shu pork, Kung Pow chicken, white wine. I hope they have Rolaids, too. “It’s the meal we had every Friday night when we were newlyweds,” says Marlena. No wonder they split up.

Roman wonders, “How did that SOB know about this?” Marlena says it doesn’t matter, “He’s rekindling romantic memories of our past.”

“Yeah,” says Roman, “But now that we know what he’s doing, it can’t work, right?” Not unless he throws in some raw eggs for the beer.

Billie runs through the litany of reasons why there is absolutely no place she can stay except with Bo and Hope. Kate is staying with John, her place is being redecorated, Roman’s place is up for sale, Lucas’ place is too small and the Salem homeless shelter is full.

Hope is on the phone telling the whole sad story to Jennifer.

Kate brings in a tray. Dinner? Moo Shu Pork? No. Sponge bath! John doesn’t think so. Kate promises she won’t take advantage of him. Now he really doesn’t want it. Kate wants to. Helping him makes her feel like a good person. That must be a new feeling for Kate. She says she doesn’t deserve to feel that way.

“Oh, Kate, please don’t tell me this has something to do with what happened to Lucas and Sami.”

Roman is starved. He takes a bite of the pizza, “Do you remember how we came up with this crazy combination of food?” Bad weed? Yeahyeahyeah, they ordered each other’s favorite dinner.

“We had some good times,” says Marlena.

“Yes we did, Doc.”

Bart understands about Roman and Marlena but wants to know what Tony is doing with Sami Brady, “She’s trouble with a capital 'T', a loose cannon, a runaway missile, when she lets go with both barrels, there’s no telling who she will hit.”

Tony tells Bart he couldn’t have said it better himself, “Sami Brady is my secret weapon.”

Sami puts on a garbage sack. He hands her a mirror. “Take a good look Ms. Brady, when I am finished even you won’t recognize yourself.”

A nip here, a tuck there, and Sami’s a man, “OMG! You were right. I don’t’ recognize myself. If my mouth wasn’t moving...”

“But why a man?” He says those were his orders. He gives her shoes that increase her height and clothes to wear, and a body girdle to disguise her figure, designed for comfort, no doubt, “Now there is just one more thing to do.”

Kate tells John he was right, Sami was not the woman she dreamed of Lucas spending his life with, “But I didn’t do anything to break them up. I realized how much Lucas loves Sami. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the disappointment they are feeling now. There are things in my past I’m not proud of. I did the wrong thing for the right reason and now some people won’t forgive me.”

She tells him to rest while she bathes him. John stares as his Geisha works. He stops her, “I can’t let you do this. I feel so pathetic.” Feelings don’t lie John-boy. “I got myself so addicted I can’t take a shower by myself.”

“No John, you are strong. You are kicking this drug habit so you can be here for everyone who loves you.”

“Come on,” says Roman, “Take a bite.” He tries Moo Shu Pork, “Damn, that’s not bad at all. I used to hate this stuff. It’s good. Now it's your turn.” Marlena takes a bite of the greasy pizza. She loves it.

Bo asks why Billie can’t stay with Lucas. “Because he’s a mess.”

“Did he really think Sami would change?”

“Yes, he did.”

“Go stay with him. Give him some sisterly support.”

“I would but Will is taking it harder than Lucas. Will has moved in with Lucas. There is just no room for me.”

Bo is exasperated, “So what you’re telling me is you have to stay here.”

“No, Hope will go ballistic.”

“Billie, we don’t have a choice.”

“No, I just came over here to talk to you. I’m going to a hotel.”

“No, you’ll be in breach of the judge’s order. I’ll talk to Hope. You’re staying here.” Billie gets two points for a turnaround. First he was begging her to leave, now he’s begging her to stay.

Hope is on the phone with Jennifer, “Trust me Bo is not going to let Billie ruin this evening.” HA.

Tony tells Bart, “Sami Brady is the long arm of my revenge. Only she doesn’t know it. Stephano thought of this about ten years ago. When he and Sami locked eyes together, something passed between them. It disturbed Sami. I knew one day Sami would be useful. And today is the day.”

"I actually look kind of hot," says Sami. Probably because of the girdle. She decides she would like to be called Stan. Stan the Man. She puts a device in her mouth. Baritone. “With this I’ll be able to get back at everyone. Do we have to go to this extreme?”

“Your benefactor thought so. I am finished.” He hands her an envelope, “This should answer any questions.”

“How do I get in touch?”

“You don’t.”

Stan reads the letter, “OMG this is unbelievable.”

John tells Kate he feels better, “Thank you for administering the sponge bath.”

“My pleasure,” says Kate, “Anything else I can do?”

“Actually...” Dramatic pause. “No... thanks.” She presses him.

“I haven’t really slept for a long time.” She will get medication.

“No,” says John, “It’s not about falling asleep. It’s about sleeping peacefully. I haven’t done that since the island. I just miss holding someone.”

Kate understands. She misses Roman, “It’s not the sex although I miss that too, but it’s the loneliness.”

“Exactly,” says John, “Please lay down beside me.” Kate gets in bed. Pan out on the platonic couple.

Marlena and Roman eat the feast. They talk about Roman wiping Marlena off when she spilled a beer. Roman got other ideas. Right on cue, Marlena spills the beer. Roman starts to dry her, “Here, maybe you better do it.”

“Bo, I am already interrupting,” says Billie. Bo says he will smooth things over with Hope, “It’s not as if it is Hope and My anniv...”

Billie says, “I was wondering if you would remember.”

Bo says, “This would have been our anniversary.” What a coincidence.

“Happy anniversary,” says Billie. Hope steams in the background.

Marlena wipes herself off. The TV comes on. There are Kate and John in bed. The TV goes off, “Damn Tony. He’s trying to throw us together again.”

Roman says, “Yeah, Doc, but he’s not doing it alone. Tony isn’t in control any more. They are and we are. John and Kate have moved on.”

“They think were dead,” insists Marlena.

“What they are feeling is real. Tony is not manipulating that. We have to stop fighting it. That love that we had for each other once is still there.” I think Roman wants to wipe off some more beer.

Stan reads the letter. The phone rings. Stan picks it up but doesn’t say anything. Tony says, “I assume the silence means the transformation is complete.”

“Congratulations,” says Tony, “It’s me, your mysterious benefactor. Very wise of you not to say anything. The call could have been for Sami, and you’re not Sami anymore, are you?”

“No,” s/he says, “My name is Stan.”

He likes the name, “Have you read the letter?”

“Yeah, but...” S/he says.

Tony interrupts, “No questions. Do what you have to do. Take revenge on your first victim.” FFWO on the smiling Stan.


Previews
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John says, “Thanks for staying here with me, Kate. I couldn’t do this without you.” Kate says, “I’m here to stay.”

Belle tells Shawn, “Take it off.” Shawn asks, “Are you sure?” Belle responds, “We’re adults here. We can handle it.”

Billie says, “Hope, you’re making a big mistake here. If I were you, I’d back off.”