Do You Need A New Soap Opera?

You may need to watch a new soap opera if in your soap opera...

...The population of the town is less than the number of people returning from the dead.

...The storyline buzz is about a hairdo. The character who has it is a guy and is in the military.

...Any character is dating his/her grandparent.

...A character's idea of ruling the world is to "destroy relationships."

...Any character is found in bed with two women and a dog.

...The wife of one of the richest guys in town sells Christmas trees to make ends meet.

...Characters age in dog-years until they are young adults.

...Characters have the IQ of dogs even after they are young adults.

...The fanciest restaurant in town turns into a low-life bar.

...Any given day lasts more than a month.

...Characters scribble into their PDA's faster than they can talk.

...Characters immediately fall asleep in a bathtub.

...Satan makes more than two appearances a year.

...Being buried alive is only a minor inconvenience.

...The actors don't have to memorize a new script every day; they just recycle the same dialogue over and over and over.

...There are more flashbacks and fantasies than there is actual plot.

...Characters get cell phone service in areas unknown to the civilized world.

...Characters walk across town in minutes, but an ambulance on an emergency call won't arrive for hours.

...An ambulance on an emergency call to a remote spot arrives instantaneously.

...The town's airport is not only international, but flights to all destinations depart immediately.

...Characters can fly to Europe and back in minutes without experriencing jet lag.

...Teenagers/young adults run major corporations with no education or experience.

...Characters never have to go to work.

...The only lawyer in town has never won a case.

...Members of the police force are dumber than dirt and have never solved a case.

...Donuts are lethal weapons.