I'm Not Lying – I'm Rearranging The Facts

The monotonous beep of the machines in John's room clashes with the monotonous and irritating John and Marlena tinkle music playing in the background as Marlena vows her love and we flashback, flashback, flashback... Tender scenes of love and their life together flood the TV screen... meeting... wedding... undressing... another wedding... having fun in the park... another wedding... watching Abe Lincoln give the Gettysburg address... another wedding...

John's eyes pop open, "I remember... all of it, Doc. Especially you." Oh, the tears!

Kate shows up at the Horton cabin. She's confused about the trip switcheroo, "Where's Chloe?"

"You tell me," says Loserclueless.

Chloe and Daniel start the preliminaries. Chloe backs off, "We can't do this again!"

"YES WE CAN!"

EJ arrives at the mansion looking for Nicole, "Where the devil is she?"

Sami kneels at the convent altar as Nicole comes in and watches. "Dear God," prays Sami, "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Me neither," says God, "Those scenes of you and Rafe are more boring than moving a glacier."

John remembers everything. Kayla comes in and Marlena tells her the good news. Kayla says she thought that might happen. Marlena senses something is wrong. What else would you expect?

EJ asks Stefano if he has seen Nicole, "If she's gone to Chicago I'll chase her down and drive her back." Stefano says he hasn't seen her and he is on his way to Italy to save the fortunes of the DiMera clan.

Sami prays. Nicole rushes up and screams, "How could you do this to me? You are nothing but a lying, two-faced whore!"

"That's not true," says Sami, "I'm not two faced."

Enraged Nicole vows to be the one to give EJ a child. She says it wasn't supposed to be Sami, "I want to rip that baby from you!"

Sami cowers and screams for help, as Nicole uses the statue of the Blessed Mother as a murder weapon...

OK, Fantasy over. Nicole comes up to Sami and stares.

Kayla says, "John's central nervous system has had a catastrophic episode. If he stays here even one more day, his chances of recovery are slim."

Marlena says she didn't get him back to lose him so they will take him anywhere, "But where can we go?"

"The unemployment bureau."

Stefano tells EJ he is going to Rome, but will be back tomorrow, "It's one of those budget tours." He gets a call, "Dear God!"

Daniel and Chloe decide she should go. She starts to leave, but, are you kidding? They clamp themselves together like a couple of electromagnets on high voltage.

Lucas tells Kate he is the one who canceled the trip to Vancouver. He tells her about Sami's call and Kate has a cow, "Lucas, I know the two of you share history, children and an IQ lower than Death Valley, but whatever she touches she destroys."

Sister Teresa comes in with lunch and Nicole runs out. Sami don' wan' no stinkin' lunch because she's so worried about Rafe. Sister Teresa assures Sami Rafe can handle himself. Sami says she's prayed and decided the sister needs her to take the baby until Sami can figure out something else. Sister Teresa agrees. Nicole listens through the door. Sister Teresa asks where Sami will be giving birth. Apparently the fact that she has to think about something like that is news to Sami.

Lucas says he's tried to call Chloe but he gets voicemail. He wonders if Daniel might know something.

Chloe... Daniel... slow motion... skin... body parts... soft porn... filler...

Stefano gets off the phone and tells EJ John was attacked and poisoned and he may not recover, "How could this happen?"

"Really bad writing and budget cuts would be my guess," says EJ. Stefano goes into a rage. EJ says he will take the trip instead so Stefano can go see John.

Kayla tells Marlena about a facility in Switzerland that specializes in ridiculous cases that defy reality and have no basis in medical fact. Marlena runs out and gets Brady. Brady walks in. John recognizes him and we have the big reunion, "SON! Let's bond. Did you bring your bong? "

Chloe and Daniel lie entwined on the couch and softly caress the naked body parts that can be shown on TV. Chloe says she knows when she looks in Daniel's eyes there is more there than lust. Daniel refuses to be ashamed of his feelings for her, "Let's end this deception. Let's tell everyone the truth."

Lucas says Daniel might know where Chloe is. He tells Kate about Daniel showing up at the cabin. Kate thinks that's strange. She stops Lucas from calling Daniel and says she has a better idea, "I think it would be more fun for me to walk in on them in the act."

Brady comes out of John's room and finds Marlena standing with Roman. He sends Marlena back in.

Inside, John tells Marlena he can't move his arms and legs. Stefano rushes in and finds Roman and Brady staring at the walls.

Sister Mary Whoozits tells Nicole she will inform sister Teresa Nicole is there and will not let anyone else know about it. She leaves and Nicole says, "If I can pull this off everything will work out." She gets a call – EJ. He asks what she is up to and she tells him she went for a walk, "Do I get a demerit for that?"

"No," says EJ, "You get a DiMerat." He tells her he has to go off on business.

Sister Teresa walks into the room as Nicole talks, takes out a megaphone and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Bless you, my child."

EJ overhears and asks, "Where are you?"

Nicole says a nun just passed her as she was walking. She says she understands about the business trip. EJ will stay in touch. Nicole hangs up and Sister Teresa asks why she lied when she was on the phone.

Nicole says, "I'm not lying – I'm rearranging the facts. And I need your help."

Daniel and Chloe argue about whether they should tell the world about their steamy affair and undying love for each other. "We can't do that," says Chloe, "That would be too much work. Instead, we could just tell Maggie."

Kate and Lucas talk about Kate's feelings for Daniel and Lucas' feelings for Chloe and then Kate leaves.

Marlena tells John the drug has destroyed his central nervous system.

"So I can't walk or move," asks John.

"That's right," says Marlena

"Then get out," snorts John, "Never look back."

"Wait," says Marlena, "You're only paralyzed from the neck down. You can still squint."

"Oh," says John, "That's different. I guess things will be OK then."

Marlena vows, "I'll stick by you through thick and thin, by gum, and You'll recover and we'll be together for all the Days Of Our Lives. Just being with you is enough. I will work and we will work and we will get you well. As God as my witness, they're not going to lick us. We're going to live through this, and when it's all over, we'll be together. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill; as God as my witness, I'll never be hungry again! "

"I have something to ask you," says John, "Will you marry me... again? Now? Right here. Before we go."

Marlena says she will go make the arrangements, "I have a standing order at the florist and a lifetime subscription to Brides' Magazine."

Outside, Marlena gives everyone the news. She sends the group in and goes for Father Jansen, who has nothing better to do. Stefano tells her he had nothing to do with John's condition. Marlena don' give a flying leap because he can't hurt them any more.

Chloe tells Daniel she loves him as she gets ready to go. They get a simultaneous call and knock at the door. Daniel gets the phone and sends Chloe to the door. He says it's OK for her to do that, because he's expecting test results. Outside, Kate knocks. Chloe hesitates at the door.

Father Jansen begins the ceremony. Stefano watches from outside. Of course, Marlena has a few things to say.

"Do I recall," asks Father Jansen, "That you've exchanged vows before?"

"That's right," says John, "We do it with the regularity of Halley's Comet. In fact our first ceremony was when it came around in 1910."

Irritating tinkle music plays as Marlena says she and John were meant to be together. She just knew the love of her life was inside John's vapid void. Every time they got back together their bond got stronger, "I will always be by your side, John.,, Changing your catheter... Adjusting your bedpan..."

Lucas leaves a voicemail for Chloe and tells her he wants her to come home.

Kate waits at the door but finally gives up and leaves. Chloe opens the door, sees Kate walking away, jumps out of her skin and hustles back into the apartment.

EJ scribbles a note for Nicole and leaves.

Nicole tells sister Teresa her name is Mary. I wonder where she got that idea. She says she comes from a strict Catholic family who would disown her if they found out she was pregnant. She asks Sister Teresa to pray that her family doesn't find out and, of course, she can't have the baby in Salem. She says she's taken care of that, however. Sister Teresa thinks this quite is a coincidence.

Sami prays for Rafe to come back safely. She hears rustling behind her, "Rafe!" She turns to look.

Roman and Brady are witnesses as the ceremony continues. Roman can't believe what a big part he's had in today's episode.

John says, "Marlena, you are the reason I wake up every morning. Because once I see you, I know things can only get better from there."

Father Jansen wraps up the ceremony, "You may kiss the bride." Closer... closer... closer... She takes crippled, crumpled John into her arms and he kisses the lovely Marlena Evans-Craig-Bradford-Brady-Black-North-Black-DiMera-Black-DiMera.