He Uses Women Like Kleenex

Abby comes in to talk to Jack and Jennifer. Abby has news, but if she told them what it was, it wouldn't be a surprise. You just can't argue with logic like that. Jack and Jennifer press, and Abby breaks down and tells them about the family picnic she is planning. Jack doesn't know if he's up to it. Abby puts on a pitch. She'll make the Devereaux burgers. Jennifer announces she can't go, "I have plans with one of my other husbands tomorrow."

Chelsea is on the phone at the pub canceling her date with Max. She says she wasted time at the hospital so she has to make up for it. Max says he will see her tomorrow. The brat rants. She doesn't even know why she agreed to be Sami's bridesmaid and now she will have to spend time at the reception instead of going out and having fun with Max. Max speculates there might not even be a reception. The brat gets an idea; she thinks she could cut out of work and no one would notice. Billie interrupts and says she isn't going to do that. Billie takes over the phone call, tells Max it's over and then hangs up. The brat doesn't understand why this community service thing had to happen now.

A couple standing behind Billie and the brat soak it all in. Billie suggests they get a table. The brat insists she could have snuck out without being detected. Billie says people would have noticed, "I've been a cop and I've been arrested. I know."

The brat says she won't feel more sorry for killing Zack if she goes through with community service, "This is all just complete bull."

"I know," says Billie, "but the new head-writer will be on board soon. This may come as a shock to you, but you don't know everything."

Meanwhile, the clueless quad has gotten together to talk about custody.

The brat says filing is boring and it won't make her any better of a person. Oh, boy, Lexie comes in. Billie invites her to join them. Lexie sits by the brat. The brat plays with her iPod as Billie asks Lexie how it's going. Lexie says she is doing extra shifts. Billie says she wanted to talk about Lexie and Abe, not work at the hospital. Lexie looks over at the brat who appears to be in iPod-land. "There is no me and Abe," she whispers, "I can't work things out with him if he won't talk to me."

The brat has been faking it. "Now's your chance," she says as Abe walks in.

Abe stops at the table, says hi to Billie and the brat, "Have a nice dinner, huh." He walks off without acknowledging the presence of Dr. Slut.

Mimi lays out the plan. She thinks she and Shawn should raise the surrogate's baby and Phillip and Belle should raise Shawn and Belle's baby. Then they need to arrange visitations and babysitting duties. Shawn is peeved. He thinks Mimi has thought about this a little too much. He and Mimi go off and argue. Belle agrees with Shawn. She thinks Mimi should have talked to them before she came up with this cockama-Mimi plan. Phillip chimes in. Shawn snorts, "You don't want me anywhere near your wife or my child."

Phillip says, "You're right. I don't."

Lexie bawls, "He didn't even say hello."

"I'm not judging you," says Billie, "but... You still love him don't you? Swallow your pride and go talk to him."

"So he can humiliate me," blubbers Lexie. Billie makes a pitch for Lexie to suck it up and go talk to Abe. Lexie doesn't think Abe loves her anymore. Billie thinks he does. Lexie insists he will never forgive her. The brat plays with her iPod as she listens. Lexie says, "I'm just going to have to pay for this the rest of my life."

"I know how that feels," drones the brat.

Lexie says, "I guess you do, Chelsea."

"I didn't think anyone like you would ever understand how I felt," says the brat.

Lexie tells her about making a big mistake with Zack. She kept him away from his parents, but eventually Bo and Hope forgave her. She says she is going to make an effort not to be hard on the brat if she promises to make the community service count. Billie thinks Abe can reach out to Lexie like Lexie just reached out to the brat. Billie says Lexie has to take the first step.

Jennifer is going to Sami and Austin's wedding with Frankie. Abby argues, "The wedding probably won't happen anyway." She can't believe Jennifer would do this. Jennifer thinks she's being unfair. Jack insists that Jennifer go. Abby throws a fit. Jack tells her Jennifer has to honor her commitments.

Abby pouts, "Seems like that's more important than us.

"We'll plan another picnic," says Jack.

"Assuming you're still here," says Abby. Abby says the picnic wasn't for the three of them. It was for Jack and Jennifer. "OK," huffs Abby, "I'll just go to the track with EJ tomorrow."

"EJ Wells," asks Jack, "I don't want you anywhere near him."

The brat heads back to the hospital. Lexie tells Billie she's been thinking about what she said. Billie encourages her to go talk to Abe. Lexie goes over. Abe is distant. Lexie sits down anyway. She tries to make conversation. She tells him she misses him. Silent Abe chews his chowdah. Lexie is desperate. She plays the 'Theo' card.

"Don't do this, Lexie," says Abe, "I hate being away from Theo, so don't use him to get back on my good side."

Lexie whines, "I just thought you wanted to know how much he misses you."

"That will change soon," growls Abe, "I'm putting a bid on a townhouse near Salem Park. It will be a perfect home for Theo and me once I get sole custody."

The brat walks down by the dock. SCREAM!

Phillip says he is talking about Shawn being around Belle. Shawn argues that they can't set up rules for the kids. Belle and Mimi referee. Mimi insists there have to be boundaries. Shawn says he isn't giving in.

Max apologizes for scaring the brat. He's there to make sure she doesn’t play hooky. She says nothing in her life ever goes right except for the fact that she has him, "but for how long? Anybody who ever cared about me always leaves me. How can I be sure you won't too?"

"Because I'll probably never recover from the massive head injury I got in my last accident," says Max, "You are just making yourself more miserable. And, let's face it, you're pretty miserable as it is."

Shawn rants. Nobody is going to tell him when he can see his child. He stomps out for air. Belle pipes in. She and Phillip argue. "You don't seem to have as big a problem giving up your biological child as Shawn does," says the queen of the cheap shot.

Phillip yells, "Everything seems to be about you and Shawn," as he storms out.

Lexie asks Abe to think about what he is throwing away.

"You are the one who should have thought about that."

"I was weak," bawls Lexie, "It wasn't easy for me. I thought you were dead."

Abe growls, "I couldn't have sex so you went out and got someone who could. If you loved me half as much as you say you would have been patient."

"I tried," says Lexie.

Abe asks, "So this is my fault now?"

"No," she wails, "It's all mine. Is there anything I can do to make this right?"

Abe snorts, "Get an attorney."

Lexie thinks a moment and says, "I guess that means I'll have to stop seeing Tek – he's a cop. I'll bet Frankie's about to become available, though, and he's an attorney. I didn't realize you would be so understanding about this, Abe." Abe storms out.

The brat pouts. Max tells her he has been there. His parents abandoned him. After everything that happened to him he shut down. He thought if he didn't let people in it wouldn't hurt so much when they abandoned him, "Maybe that's what attracts me to you. We're both so much alike."

"You're the best thing that's happened to me," says the brat, "I hope I don't scare you away."

"I'm not going anywhere whether you like it or not." Hugs.

Billie comes over to get the lowdown on Abe and Lexie. Lexie bawls, "He wasn't even willing to talk. He wants custody of Theo." Billie says she never should have butted in. Lexie says she has to get back to the hospital and leaves.

On the way out, Lexie walks past Abe, who is talking to his attorney on the phone. He stares straight at her and says, "I don't care what it takes I want sole custody of Theo." Billie follows Lexie outside and walks her to the hospital. Shawn gives them a look as he enters the pub.

He asks Lisa the bar wench if his grandparents are there. She tells him they are at the church getting ready for the McWedding.

Abe offers to buy Shawn a beer, and says he was sorry to hear about the baby SNAFU. Shawn talks about the situation. He thinks if he stays involved with Belle and the baby, he plays into Mimi's worst fear. Abe says he has to be there for the kid like Abe has to be there for Theo. He encourages Shawn to fight for an active role in the kid's life.

Mimi isn't exactly feeling warm and fuzzy there, so she tells Belle she has to leave. Belle insists she said goodbye to Shawn. Mimi says it doesn't look like that. Belle insists she and Shawn are over. She didn't agree to the custody arrangements because it's a bad idea.

Mimi says the real problem is Belle's feelings for Shawn. She could believe things were over between them if Belle hadn't thrown herself at him at the hospital. Belle says that was a mistake.

"Friends don't try to steal their friend's husband," says Mimi, "I won't let you burn me again."

Belle says, "You need to be thinking about the babies."

Mimi says, "It doesn't have to be confusing if we tell them about their fathers at first. But actually I think it would be best if we never told them the truth, because that's what would be confusing. And I am an expert on being confused. Besides, telling the truth isn't exactly my strong suit."

Abby says Jack can't tell her whom to date. Jack says he knows EJ from his time as a reporter in Europe, "He uses women like Kleenex. I'm sure he would like you for his tissue collection. The guy is ten years older than you. What are you thinking?"

Abby says, "Maybe I'm not thinking. Just like Mom's not thinking with Frankie."

"Yeah, well, your mom not thinking isn't unusual," says Jack. Abby storms out.

Spindle legs is back on duty at the hospital. Lexie gives her coding and filing to do. The brat says, "You know, this is the 21st century. Why isn't this stuff on disks?"

Lexie thinks that is a great idea. She says that can be the brat's next project. Lexie leaves. The brat picks up a phone and makes a call. Abby answers. Abby tells her to meet her at the Java Café.

The brat says she can't because of her work. She tells her what Max promised.

Abby tells her about the picnic, EJ, etc. As Abby clucks, The Hand puts a file on top of the pile. The brat looks over at it, "Kiriakis, Claire." Abby rambles on like a runaway train.

Jennifer says she doesn't blame Abby for being upset. That worries Jack even more. He thinks she could really get into trouble with EJ.

Shawn takes a draw on a longneck and thanks Abe for the beer. As Abe leaves, Shawn orders a shot of tequila. Phillip comes up behind him and says, "Make that two."

Belle says the babies deserve to know who their biological fathers are. Belle talks about Marlena thinking Belle was Roman's daughter. She wonders what her life would have been like if she hadn't found out the truth. She says she would have found out eventually, "Half of Salem knows about the mix-up, so the babies will eventually find out."

Mimi asks, "How are we gonna get out of this mess, Belle?"

Abby rants while Chelsea looks at the file. The brat drops her jaw, "HOLY... Abby, you'll never guess what I just found out in the file."

Pan in on the file, which reads, "Claire Kiriakis DNA matches blood donor Shawn Douglas Brady."

"This community service just paid off," says the brat, "Things just got really interesting really fast." FF.


Previews
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Schnockered Shawn Slurs, "Don't blow it, maann 'cause you got like everything a man could ever want." Phillip says, "Except for one thing."

Hope tells Mimi, "Shawn loves you. He tells me all the time what you mean to him... that he trusts you more than anyone in the world."

Bo yells at the brat, "I found out what you did. It's time to pay up."