The Rescue Mission
The search for intelligent life in Salem continues...
Stami sneaks into his apartment, “Way too close, Sami get it together before you get caught. At least they can’t find me in here.”
Mimi tells Lucas, “That was the creepiest guy I ever saw.” They decide to check Sami’s apartment. Lucas gets the key. Stami hides in a closet as Lucas and Mimi search. Mimi starts to say something, but Lucas shushes her. He opens the closet door, “OMG!”
Abby has snuck out. She meets Chelsea at the scene of the spring dance. Abby tells Chelsea Jennifer, “is completely and disgustingly into Patrick.”
“He’s mine,” says Chelsea, “He kissed me at the Cheatin’ Heart.”
“He didn’t know it was you, Chelsea,” says Abby.
Chelsea asks, “Why do all these middle-aged women want my guy?” He’s the same age they are. How come she wants some middle-aged guy?
Patrick and Billie are there. Patrick says Hope sees Billie is still attracted to Bo. Billie says, “She’s had him long enough. It’s my turn.” Then she swears she will not act on her feelings for Bo.
Phillip’s unending goodbye continues on SNN, Salem Never-ending News. Belle cries.
Bart says they lost the signal. Tony isn’t concerned, “A little dramatic tension is good. This will force John into action to save Phillip.”
A gun cocks in the torture chamber.
Kate panics, the signal is gone. John squints.
Tony and Bart laugh. Tony is imagining John pulling out his perfectly coiffed hair because he lost reception. Tony tells Bart Phillip is dead.
John clicks the computer keys, “If ever there was at time to pray this is it.”
Rex and Bo try to figure things out. Rex is picking up chatter – it’s not good, though. Bo says he feels useless, “but we can just pray. This could tear Shawn and Belle apart for good.”
Belle stares, “He’s been faithful to me, and I haven't been faithful to him.”
Shawn says, “It’s terrible and I know you love him, but it’s not the kind of love that is ‘till death to us part.’”
Broken-record Belle repeats, “If he ends up getting killed, I don’t see how we can be together.”
“Our love is too strong,” says Shawn, “We will get through this. Have faith in our love. Trust me. Trust our love. Trust Phillip’s Strength.”
Rex says, “John has traced the location, the rescue mission is on!”
Lucas saw Sami’s wedding dress and that’s why he said OMG. Stami flashes back. Brandon wishes he could say Kate set them up, but all he knows is he woke up NAKED IN BED with her. He doesn’t know how they got there. But it seems impossible Kate could pull this off. Kate rails against Sami. Sami obsesses. Stami cries.
Lucas philosophizes, “Bad memories are hard. The good ones are even harder. I can’t believe we almost got it right. I don’t want to talk about this dress any more.” He flashes back to happier times with Sami. Lots of filler.
Lucas says, “If I had married Sami, this would have been our home. Now it’s not gonna happen.” Stami bawls in the closet. “I know Rex really wants to marry you,” he tells Mimi, “I know what a great dad he’ll be.”
“Someone else’s dad,” thinks Stami, “You’ll spend the rest of your life alone.”
Abby points out Billie isn’t exactly ready for a nursing home. “She isn’t that hot,” says Chelsea, “When I was Angelica I was hot. I can still feel that kiss.” Abby tells Chelsea Patrick didn’t want her; he wanted who he thought she was.
“He’s mine and I’m not going to let him cheat on me. I’m in love.”
Billie asks what she has to do. She swears on an imaginary stack of Bibles, “I, Billie Holliday Reed swear never to make a move on my ex husband Bo Brady.”
Patrick says, “Milady doth protest too much.”
“Because I’ll always love the guy doesn’t mean I want to ruin what he’s got,” says Billie, “I want to find Georgia and be a family, too. I wish Bo were free, but he is not. I just hope he'll want to spend some time with us. Help me prove it to you. Start dating me.”
Chelsea steams. She’s not about to let this happen, “I’ll find a way to get rid of Billie.”
Patrick asks if she just asked him out. Billie says, “This is the twenty-first century. Women stopped wearing chastity belts a long time ago. Besides, it is April Fools, you know.” How could he forget? That's the day we celebrate all of Salem.
The music starts. Billie suggests they start with a dance.
Chelsea says she has to find a way to stop this.
If Rex can get to one website they can watch the mission unfold in real time. He clicks. The mission comes on TV. Choppers everywhere.
“Please don’t let anything go wrong,” prays Belle.
Kate is excited. John tries to bring her back to earth, “This is dangerous. It’s just a matter of timing and execution so let’s hope for the best. So now that you know what’s at stake, give me the word and we’ll abort.” Kate stares.
Bart asks, “You mean Phillip’s in that big ‘Semper Fi’ in the sky?”
Tony says, “He might as well be, have patience.”
The creeps cover Phillip’s head with a black hood. They point a gun at him. It’s curtains for Phillip.
Lucas asks if Mimi is feeling OK. She says it’s been one of the weirder nights of her life. She tells him about Phillip’s situation. Lucas hopes the rescue works. Kate is going through hell.
“She better get used to it,” thinks Stami.
Mimi says Rex is too good for her. Stami says, “Yeah you killed his baby.”
Mimi says it sounds like Lucas still cares about Sami, “If she were here right now, would you forgive her?” Lucas stares.
Billie and Patrick dance. Chelsea says, “Look at her falling all over Patrick like a total tramp. Please help me figure out a way to get him interested in me.”
More dancing. Billie, of course, envisions Bo. Patrick notices something is wrong, “What’s going on behind those beautiful eyes?”
Kate says, “I can’t make this decision on my own.”
John asks what Phillip would say if Kate talked to him right now.
“He’d want the mission to go forward,” says Kate, “What do we do next?”
“We’re on,” says John.
John contacts the mission. The radio talks back to him, “The eagle lands in 60 seconds.”
Bart is concerned, “It’s too quiet.” He thinks they are planning a sneak attack. Tony watches the security video. “Incoming Blackhawks,” says Bart, “We’re going to be Shocked and Awed. Aren’t you scared, sir?”
The radio crackles, “The eagle has landed. Stage two Perfect Storm.” Rex picks up a video stream. Troops rush in. Do-de-do music plays. Gunfire. Yelling. Chaos.
“Philip, NO,” screams Belle.
Kate can’t tell what’s going on. More chaos. Gunfire. John clicks. Surreal scenes. Maybe instead of an attack, this is just one of John’s drug trips.
Bart and Tony watch the fight. Bart prays, “God, if you let me live through this I'll go to confession every week and I’m not even Catholic.”
Bart calls for Mommy. Suddenly, he notices everything is quiet, “Where is the gunfire?”
“On the telly,” says Tony, “They think they are heading for this bunker.”
Bart realizes the whole thing was a diversion, “You rule, boss!”
“I’d like to watch the surprise ending,” says Tony.
“Where is Phillip,” asks Belle.
“Why can’t they find him,” asks Kate.
“It was a setup,” says John, “They’ve still got him, Kate. I’m sorry.”
Kate breaks down.
At Shawn’s loft, they realize the mission failed. Group cry.
Billie likes Patrick’s dancing. She’s just not too crazy about his questions. He just wants to get to know her better. They start slow dancing.
Abby has to restrain Chelsea, “You’re already lost the guy. Just look at them.”
Billie and Patrick dance, and stare into each other’s eyes.
Lucas says, “I could forgive Sami. She can’t help it. That’s who she is. I was dumb enough to fall in love with her.”
“Mimi thinks he’s better off without her, “Sami is the worst.” She wonders how a good person like Phillip winds up like this and then there’s Sami who leaves her kid in a crisis, “Ohmygosh I know why everything’s going so bad lately — Sami.”
Lucas asks what she means. “She left behind bad karma,” says Mimi. Sami listens. Lucas keeps defending Sami. But he says, “No, we have no chance for a future.”
“That’s too bad,” says Mimi, “You’re a pretty good guy.”
They leave.
Stan comes out, “Moron Meems. I love bringing bad karma to all of you. You turned Lucas against me. Everyone’s going to be heartbroken.”
Chelsea rigs the music. The sound system starts screaming. Billie and Patrick stop dancing. Billie decides she has to get back. Chelsea wants to know whose side Abby is on. Abby doesn’t care as long as Patrick doesn’t hook up with her mom.
Patrick and Billie make a date. Chelsea fries.
John is sorry he got Kate’s hopes up, “Where the hell are those guys?”
“Wherever they are,” says Kate, “they still have my son.”
“Where am I,” asks the bewildered Phillip, “It looks like the same place as before, but it can’t be.”
Tony tells Bart one of his enemies will play hero, “They will try to rescue Phillip. Another trap is set.”
Shawn can’t stand this. He has to do something. He tells Bo he will go find Phillip himself. That one will win the Emmy for the dumbest thought that ever crossed a non-existent mind.
Bo gives Shawn a look that says, “OMG, what have I spawned here?”
FFWO on the delusional Shawn.
Previews
========
“There will be hell to pay,” Mimi tells Jan. “What are you going to do,” asks Jan. “This,” says Mimi. POW!
Nicole tells Brady, “As acting CEO, I order you to get NEKKID.”
Kate waves a vial at John, “No, you couldn’t do this. Not again.” John sweats.
Hope tells Shawn, “It’s insane.” Belle tells him, “Your mom is right. If you try to rescue Phillip, you’ll be killed.” Maybe he plans to use his secret weapon - his motorcycle. He could destroy the world with that.
Stami sneaks into his apartment, “Way too close, Sami get it together before you get caught. At least they can’t find me in here.”
Mimi tells Lucas, “That was the creepiest guy I ever saw.” They decide to check Sami’s apartment. Lucas gets the key. Stami hides in a closet as Lucas and Mimi search. Mimi starts to say something, but Lucas shushes her. He opens the closet door, “OMG!”
Abby has snuck out. She meets Chelsea at the scene of the spring dance. Abby tells Chelsea Jennifer, “is completely and disgustingly into Patrick.”
“He’s mine,” says Chelsea, “He kissed me at the Cheatin’ Heart.”
“He didn’t know it was you, Chelsea,” says Abby.
Chelsea asks, “Why do all these middle-aged women want my guy?” He’s the same age they are. How come she wants some middle-aged guy?
Patrick and Billie are there. Patrick says Hope sees Billie is still attracted to Bo. Billie says, “She’s had him long enough. It’s my turn.” Then she swears she will not act on her feelings for Bo.
Phillip’s unending goodbye continues on SNN, Salem Never-ending News. Belle cries.
Bart says they lost the signal. Tony isn’t concerned, “A little dramatic tension is good. This will force John into action to save Phillip.”
A gun cocks in the torture chamber.
Kate panics, the signal is gone. John squints.
Tony and Bart laugh. Tony is imagining John pulling out his perfectly coiffed hair because he lost reception. Tony tells Bart Phillip is dead.
John clicks the computer keys, “If ever there was at time to pray this is it.”
Rex and Bo try to figure things out. Rex is picking up chatter – it’s not good, though. Bo says he feels useless, “but we can just pray. This could tear Shawn and Belle apart for good.”
Belle stares, “He’s been faithful to me, and I haven't been faithful to him.”
Shawn says, “It’s terrible and I know you love him, but it’s not the kind of love that is ‘till death to us part.’”
Broken-record Belle repeats, “If he ends up getting killed, I don’t see how we can be together.”
“Our love is too strong,” says Shawn, “We will get through this. Have faith in our love. Trust me. Trust our love. Trust Phillip’s Strength.”
Rex says, “John has traced the location, the rescue mission is on!”
Lucas saw Sami’s wedding dress and that’s why he said OMG. Stami flashes back. Brandon wishes he could say Kate set them up, but all he knows is he woke up NAKED IN BED with her. He doesn’t know how they got there. But it seems impossible Kate could pull this off. Kate rails against Sami. Sami obsesses. Stami cries.
Lucas philosophizes, “Bad memories are hard. The good ones are even harder. I can’t believe we almost got it right. I don’t want to talk about this dress any more.” He flashes back to happier times with Sami. Lots of filler.
Lucas says, “If I had married Sami, this would have been our home. Now it’s not gonna happen.” Stami bawls in the closet. “I know Rex really wants to marry you,” he tells Mimi, “I know what a great dad he’ll be.”
“Someone else’s dad,” thinks Stami, “You’ll spend the rest of your life alone.”
Abby points out Billie isn’t exactly ready for a nursing home. “She isn’t that hot,” says Chelsea, “When I was Angelica I was hot. I can still feel that kiss.” Abby tells Chelsea Patrick didn’t want her; he wanted who he thought she was.
“He’s mine and I’m not going to let him cheat on me. I’m in love.”
Billie asks what she has to do. She swears on an imaginary stack of Bibles, “I, Billie Holliday Reed swear never to make a move on my ex husband Bo Brady.”
Patrick says, “Milady doth protest too much.”
“Because I’ll always love the guy doesn’t mean I want to ruin what he’s got,” says Billie, “I want to find Georgia and be a family, too. I wish Bo were free, but he is not. I just hope he'll want to spend some time with us. Help me prove it to you. Start dating me.”
Chelsea steams. She’s not about to let this happen, “I’ll find a way to get rid of Billie.”
Patrick asks if she just asked him out. Billie says, “This is the twenty-first century. Women stopped wearing chastity belts a long time ago. Besides, it is April Fools, you know.” How could he forget? That's the day we celebrate all of Salem.
The music starts. Billie suggests they start with a dance.
Chelsea says she has to find a way to stop this.
If Rex can get to one website they can watch the mission unfold in real time. He clicks. The mission comes on TV. Choppers everywhere.
“Please don’t let anything go wrong,” prays Belle.
Kate is excited. John tries to bring her back to earth, “This is dangerous. It’s just a matter of timing and execution so let’s hope for the best. So now that you know what’s at stake, give me the word and we’ll abort.” Kate stares.
Bart asks, “You mean Phillip’s in that big ‘Semper Fi’ in the sky?”
Tony says, “He might as well be, have patience.”
The creeps cover Phillip’s head with a black hood. They point a gun at him. It’s curtains for Phillip.
Lucas asks if Mimi is feeling OK. She says it’s been one of the weirder nights of her life. She tells him about Phillip’s situation. Lucas hopes the rescue works. Kate is going through hell.
“She better get used to it,” thinks Stami.
Mimi says Rex is too good for her. Stami says, “Yeah you killed his baby.”
Mimi says it sounds like Lucas still cares about Sami, “If she were here right now, would you forgive her?” Lucas stares.
Billie and Patrick dance. Chelsea says, “Look at her falling all over Patrick like a total tramp. Please help me figure out a way to get him interested in me.”
More dancing. Billie, of course, envisions Bo. Patrick notices something is wrong, “What’s going on behind those beautiful eyes?”
Kate says, “I can’t make this decision on my own.”
John asks what Phillip would say if Kate talked to him right now.
“He’d want the mission to go forward,” says Kate, “What do we do next?”
“We’re on,” says John.
John contacts the mission. The radio talks back to him, “The eagle lands in 60 seconds.”
Bart is concerned, “It’s too quiet.” He thinks they are planning a sneak attack. Tony watches the security video. “Incoming Blackhawks,” says Bart, “We’re going to be Shocked and Awed. Aren’t you scared, sir?”
The radio crackles, “The eagle has landed. Stage two Perfect Storm.” Rex picks up a video stream. Troops rush in. Do-de-do music plays. Gunfire. Yelling. Chaos.
“Philip, NO,” screams Belle.
Kate can’t tell what’s going on. More chaos. Gunfire. John clicks. Surreal scenes. Maybe instead of an attack, this is just one of John’s drug trips.
Bart and Tony watch the fight. Bart prays, “God, if you let me live through this I'll go to confession every week and I’m not even Catholic.”
Bart calls for Mommy. Suddenly, he notices everything is quiet, “Where is the gunfire?”
“On the telly,” says Tony, “They think they are heading for this bunker.”
Bart realizes the whole thing was a diversion, “You rule, boss!”
“I’d like to watch the surprise ending,” says Tony.
“Where is Phillip,” asks Belle.
“Why can’t they find him,” asks Kate.
“It was a setup,” says John, “They’ve still got him, Kate. I’m sorry.”
Kate breaks down.
At Shawn’s loft, they realize the mission failed. Group cry.
Billie likes Patrick’s dancing. She’s just not too crazy about his questions. He just wants to get to know her better. They start slow dancing.
Abby has to restrain Chelsea, “You’re already lost the guy. Just look at them.”
Billie and Patrick dance, and stare into each other’s eyes.
Lucas says, “I could forgive Sami. She can’t help it. That’s who she is. I was dumb enough to fall in love with her.”
“Mimi thinks he’s better off without her, “Sami is the worst.” She wonders how a good person like Phillip winds up like this and then there’s Sami who leaves her kid in a crisis, “Ohmygosh I know why everything’s going so bad lately — Sami.”
Lucas asks what she means. “She left behind bad karma,” says Mimi. Sami listens. Lucas keeps defending Sami. But he says, “No, we have no chance for a future.”
“That’s too bad,” says Mimi, “You’re a pretty good guy.”
They leave.
Stan comes out, “Moron Meems. I love bringing bad karma to all of you. You turned Lucas against me. Everyone’s going to be heartbroken.”
Chelsea rigs the music. The sound system starts screaming. Billie and Patrick stop dancing. Billie decides she has to get back. Chelsea wants to know whose side Abby is on. Abby doesn’t care as long as Patrick doesn’t hook up with her mom.
Patrick and Billie make a date. Chelsea fries.
John is sorry he got Kate’s hopes up, “Where the hell are those guys?”
“Wherever they are,” says Kate, “they still have my son.”
“Where am I,” asks the bewildered Phillip, “It looks like the same place as before, but it can’t be.”
Tony tells Bart one of his enemies will play hero, “They will try to rescue Phillip. Another trap is set.”
Shawn can’t stand this. He has to do something. He tells Bo he will go find Phillip himself. That one will win the Emmy for the dumbest thought that ever crossed a non-existent mind.
Bo gives Shawn a look that says, “OMG, what have I spawned here?”
FFWO on the delusional Shawn.
Previews
========
“There will be hell to pay,” Mimi tells Jan. “What are you going to do,” asks Jan. “This,” says Mimi. POW!
Nicole tells Brady, “As acting CEO, I order you to get NEKKID.”
Kate waves a vial at John, “No, you couldn’t do this. Not again.” John sweats.
Hope tells Shawn, “It’s insane.” Belle tells him, “Your mom is right. If you try to rescue Phillip, you’ll be killed.” Maybe he plans to use his secret weapon - his motorcycle. He could destroy the world with that.
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2 Comments:
Another sterling episode of the Ship of Fools. HAHAHA Mimi's comment that this is the weirdest night of her life is the understatement of the week. Of course this "night" has been several weeks long, yet all of a sudden it's April Fools? Perhaps days have actually been passing. It's just that Salem has been in a perpetual blackout where the sun never rises!
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