I Now Pronounce You Slimeball And Wife

Today's inspirational reading is taken from the Guy Manual, Chapter 9, "Taboo Guy Behavior."

Thou shalt not speak erotically of thy friend's wife, girlfriend, sister, daughter or mother (or, if you're a perverted doctor, grandmother). Thou shalt sayeth, "She is a lovely girl," not "I'd do her on the fifty yard line at the Super Bowl."

Thou shalt not moveth in on thy best friend's girl. For thou to maketh advances is a sin. For thou to getteth caught is bad freakin' news.

Thou shalt never pisseth off thy partner before having sex. There is severe penalty for such action for she shall cutteth you off like Lorena Bobbitt with PMS.

But these are trivial compared to the most vile of all guy sins:

Thou shalt never sucker puncheth. The serpent in the garden of original sin looketh down upon the sucker puncher. Consider the lilies of the field, how they wilt and die in the presence of such a low and cowardly form of human pus. For the fires of the lowest circle of Hades shall burn yellow as the streak down the back of the sucker puncher and he shall loseth his guy-card for eternity.

Thus sayeth the Guy Manual.

Nicole and EJ toast each other as they fly off to Paris.

Out in the audience, an Ejami turns to a Lumi, "Did Prevuze just say EJ and Nicole are toast."

"No," says the Lumi, "But they will be pretty soon, and then we can go back to fighting each other like the Hatfields and McCoys."

Brady and Victor meet at the pub and discuss Chloe's decomafication. Brady tells him there is more to the tale. He says he helped facilitate Daniel in getting Chloe back, "With Daniel off the hook, the suspicion shifts to Kate. Phillip will want my head for it."

"Why," says Victor, "He's already had two of them."

Phillip brings Melanie home. He broods and asks what's going on with her and Nathan. She asks if he cares about that.

Daniel brings Chloe back to her room to rest. She begs him to stay. Daniel assures her, "I am not going anywhere." True to his word, Daniel doesn't go anywhere. Except to her lips... And tonsils.

Lucas blows his stack when he finds out Stefano and Kate are going to get married, "Have you lost your mind?" Kate flashes back to Stefano's "proposal" followed by her hissy fit.

Chloe and Daniel make up for lost time. "Lie down with me," begs Chloe.

"You mean lie with you in the Biblical sense," asks Daniel. Having never heard of the Bible, that one stumps Chloe. "I need you," she pants.

A cop interrupts the slurp-fest. He says he's there on orders from the DA. Chloe immediately jumps to Daniel's defense.

Lucas blithers, "I can't believe this. This is like the Twilight Zone."

"That's not at all true," snorts Kate, "Twilight Zone was a good show."

Lucas rants, "How could you marry a man that tried to kill your own son?"

Stefano steps in and says, "Because Kate realizes that is a false rumor." El Suckerpunch wants to know what's behind all this.

Roman comes in with news about Daniel.

Nicole toasts again, "To a new life for you, me and Sydney." EJ says he's already happy with his life. Nicole philosophizes and tells him change is for the best. EJ says he can't think of anything to keep them apart and, of course Nicole can't either.

Victor says he will talk to Phillip. He says he's proud of Brady for his role in saving a young woman's life, "One of Phillip's weakness is he is a mama's boy – I'll talk to him."

"No," says Brady, "I think this is something I need to settle with Phillip on my own."

Phillip says he doesn't care what goes on with Melanie and Nathan. In spite of that, Melanie tells him all about it. We, as innocent bystanders are forced to listen to her ramble on. Especially those of us who don't have a remote with a Fast-Forward button. She claims Nathan is just looking after her, "You're upset because you think I sided against your mom."

The cop tells Daniel he's cleared of all charges and they are doing everything they can to make sure Kate is locked up. He leaves as Lexie comes in and tells Daniel he's well enough to go home. He says he isn't leaving without Chloe. Chloe whines, "Daniel, maybe you should leave."

Roman says there were no injuries to Daniel, so he got Lucas' charges reduced form assault and battery to dipwadidness and doofusicity. Lucas scowls at Kate and leaves with Roman.

Stefano assures Kate, "Lucas will someday see the light, as dim as his bulb may be." Stefano says he knows she will be able to convince everyone that marrying him is a good thing and not only that, she will be able to stay out of prison. He gives her a kiss and leaves to plan the big wedding.

Kate grabs her purse and starts to fling it as Roman comes in, "Kate, you got some 'splainin to do."

Phillip says this isn't about Melanie siding against his mother. He says he just doesn't get it that she trusted Daniel, "What convinced you to put it on the line for him?"

Brady interrupts, "That would be me."

Father Matt comes in to visit Chloe. She makes Daniel leave and tells father Matt she broke her vow to God and she and Daniel have been punished for it, "Will the punishment ever stop?"

"That," says Father Matt, "is what viewers have been asking themselves for years."

Stefano has called Lexie to the mansion to tell her he's getting hitched again, "I've had feelings for this woman for a while and finally decided it's time to start getting it for free."

"Who is it," inquiring minds want to know.

Stefano makes the big announcement, "It's the lovely Katherine Roberts."

Ah, yes, that famous DOOL cow makes yet another appearance as Lexie has it right then and there...

"KATE?"

Roman tells Kate Chloe and Daniel's statements just came in and they match, so the SPD has dropped charges against Daniel, "They think you are the one who poisoned her and you held Daniel against his will."

"There is no proof," says Kate.

"Proof is for wimps," says Roman.

Phillip gets defensive and wants to know what Brady is talking about. Brady tells him about his role in helping save Chloe. Phillip goes apoplectic, "You SOB!"

Stefano says he and Kate agree this union will bring their families together. Lexie gets sarcastic. She wants to know what's really going on. Saved by the bell. Lexie gets a call from EJ. He asks how Stefano is dong. Lexie holds the phone out to Stefano so he can give EJ a first-hand report.

Chloe tells Father Matt she stayed away from Daniel for a while, but finally told him she wanted to be with him and then she was poisoned. Now she thinks this is punishment for breaking her vow to God, "How can God expect me to give up the man I love?"

"Things will work out one way or another," says Father Matt, "What's a mere sacred vow when you can have a child-chasing, granny-grabbing, family-wrecking, patient-groping doctor?"

Lucas comes back in to see Kate. He growls, "When the rest of the family finds out you're marrying Stefano that SOB is all you'll have."

"Good," says Kate, "At least I'll finally be rid of you."

Roman comes in and tells Kate she'd better have a seat.

Brady defends his actions. Phillip is uber-peeved that this implicates Kate. The boys grab at each other, but Melanie pulls them apart. Phillip tells him if he wants to play hero from now on he should leave Melanie out of it. Phillip storms out.

"Well," says Melanie, "that was fun."

"Losing Stephanie really shook him up," says Brady, "A few days after she dumped him he was all over you. Literally. He doesn't waste any time does he?"

Lexie gets back on the phone and makes excuses for Stefano. She vows to keep an eye on him. She hangs up, gives Stefano a look and reminds him of EJ's history with Kate.

"I like to keep it in the family," says Stefano.

"This is complete and utter insanity," says Lexie. She finally backs off and says she will (say it with her) be there for him. Hugs.

Father Matt reminds Chloe the church teaches marriage is sacred and forever. Apparently, Chloe has redefined 'forever.' A couple of times. Father matt tries to reassure her, "If you just hang in there, you will soon know God's blessings."

"What about Lucas," asks Chloe.

"He gets the biggest blessing of all," says Father Matt, "He won't have to put up with your whining any more." Father Matt tells her to take care and leaves. Daniel comes back in and starts up right where he left off.

Kate sits. Roman tells her the SPD didn't find anything when they searched for clues. "Not surprising," says Kate, "The SPD couldn't find a clue with a GPS and a flashlight."

Roman wonders who helped Kate get rid of all the evidence. Kate insists there was no cover up. She makes a few parting cracks and toddles out.

Melanie tells Brady Phillip and Nathan were fighting over her at the police station, "I used to have no guys and now I might have one too many. Giggle."

Maggie meets Victor outside the pub. She tells him Daniel was brought into the hospital and Victor rushes off.

Kate gets back to the DiMera mansion and discovers something amiss in her room. She calls Stefano and tells him her bedroom has been ransacked. She claims Stefano's people were too thorough and Roman is suspicious. He assures her there is nothing Roman can do. He wants her to concentrate on their wedding... TONIGHT. Bossie the DOOL cow makes another appearance. "You are a very dangerous woman," says Stefano, "which is exactly as I like it."

Chloe tells Daniel Father Matt just gave them his blessing, "Apparently he feels the Ten Commandments were overdone when God included that stupid thing about adultery." Daniel just knows they were meant to be together. He dives in as Victor comes in asking what happened.

"Kate happened," says Chloe.

Maggie finds Lucas in the park. She apologizes for keeping Daniel and Chloe's affair a secret. Lucas isn't in a forgiving mood so he sucker punches her. Phillip walks up.

Chloe tells Victor Kate tried to kill Daniel. "That lunatic bitch is going to pay," says Victor. He storms out.

Stefano insinuates if Kate doesn't marry her tonight he'll testify against her, but reminds her that husbands can't testify against wives. Kate wants to know if they are flying to Vegas. Stefano tells her they will get married in Salem.

"I don't think that's even legal," she protests.

"Anything is possible with me," says Stefano, "Be at Chez Rouge in two hours. You don't have to worry about what to wear. I took the liberty of selecting a few outfits for you to choose from. Check your closet and choose a dress."

Kate hangs up, walks into the closet and looks at her new wardrobe. She selects a dress, "White... that's a color I've never worn at a wedding before."

Back on the plane, Nicole tells EJ Sydney is asleep. "Where's Johnny," asks EJ.

"I knew I forgot to pack something," says Nicole.

EJ gets serious and Nicole wonders why. "I have a confession to make," he says, "I don't think you will like it."

Nicole braces herself. "Truth is," says EJ, "you were right. If you hadn't become pregnant with Sydney I wouldn't have married you. I couldn't really admit that at the time."

"And why now?"

"To set up a good reason for leaving you when the bomb drops," says EJ, "Plus, our relationship started out in an unconventional way but it's now the best thing that ever happened to me. I have never been happier than I am right now."

Nicole decides this is a positive thing. Positively sickening. EJ kisses her. Nicole stares and frets.

Lucas tells Phillip, "Mom is getting married."

"Married," asks Phillip, "As in a husband and wife, holy matrimony kind of way?"

Lucas growls, "As in, 'I now pronounce you slimeball and wife.' Our mother is marrying Stefano."

Stefano squeezes himself in to his tux.

Kate dresses. Victor rushes in, "Dammit, Kate, what in God's name have you done?"

"You're right," says Kate, "I guess it was pretty inappropriate for me to select a white dress."

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE