Sluts Always Die Coughing

Phillip and Stephanie munch around on each other. Phillip worries that Chelsea might come back. Stephanie assures him they are free to romp.

Kate and Chloe are at the Horton cabin talking about the TV show Chloe will host. Chloe is unsure that she is capable of sitting in front of an audience and talking about inane things for an hour. Kate reminds her she has plenty of experience doing that every day on DOOL, "I think you are underestimating your ability to fool people." Maggie arrives with a wedding present.

Victor calls Kate and tells her Phillip has moved out.

Stefano sits at the scene of Tony's death and broods. He tells a cop to stop taking the investigation materials away, "There is still plenty to investigate. My son was murdered by Phillip Kiriakis. He will pay for what he did here!"

Melanie is at the hospital starting her new job as a candy-striper. She feasts her eyeballs on Daniel as he goes through a chart, "WHO IS THAT?"

Gruff Maxine says, "That's Dr. Don't-you-go-near-him." In one ear and out the other. Melanie bounds up to Daniel and introduces herself.

Daniel growls, "You're supposed to report to Maxine." Hmmm... that was kind of like a real doctor would have handled it except it lost realism when he actually acknowledged the little peon's presence.

Daniel walks off. Maxine booms, "You're getting off to a rocky start. Wash your hands and change your attitude."

Maxine walks off. Melanie whines, "What did I do to deserve this?" She sees the newspaper sitting there announcing Tony's death. She picks it up, "Oh, yeah... this."

Stephanie and Phillip are on the couch and are in the process of tying themselves into a double half-hitch. Chelsea swings the door open, walks in, sees the ball of flesh on the couch and in one fluid move turns and walks back out the door, shutting it behind her. The doorbell rings. Stephanie unties herself from Phillip and answers. Chelsea announces, "I forgot my ID badge. And to see that kind of disgusting display, you have to prove you're at least 18."

Victor and Kate talk about Phillip as Maggie and Chloe giggle in the background. Victor says, "Phillip didn't have the... equipment to tell me he was moving out."

"That doesn't sound right," says Kate, "Phillip's got more spare equipment than central supply at JC Whitney. He left you and you can't take it.""

Stefano wanders around the crime scene, "He spilled your blood, Anthony. Now I'm going to spill his."

Chloe looks at the bible Maggie has given her as a wedding present. Kate looks, too, takes it and pencils in a few corrections.

Dr. Hottie sits beside Daniel. She does everything except rip her clothes off to get his attention, but Daniel doesn't notice. He's too busy staring at the teeny-bopper and her grandmother who are walking by. "You seem detached," says Dr. Hottie, "I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner."

Daniel tells her he's partial to young veal or well-aged beef but doesn't like anything older than a spring chicken. He bows out without making a commitment.

Mr. Crankengripe in 525B crabs on Melanie. He flings things at her as she backs out of the room yelling, "I just love catering to old men who have so much ear hair you can braid it!"

INCOMING!

Something very green and very slimy hits Melanie in the face. Melanie's eyes widen to the size of pizza pans as Maxine drags her out of the room. Melanie protests, "He threw spinach on my hair!"

Maxine snorts, "It's kale."

Stupid diddly-do music plays in the background to let us know this is the comic relief part of the show because the writers figure we're too feeble-minded to figure it out on our own. Of course, if that really were true, we could write for DOOL.

Stephanie tells Chelsea she told Phillip he could stay at their apartment for a while. Chelsea is worried about Stephanie and Phillip's "complicated history." She advises Stephanie not to rush into anything as she leaves. Phillip says he thinks Chelsea was trying to warn Stephanie against him, "Maybe she was right."

Kate decides she has to dash since she's volunteering at the hospital. Maggie is surprised Kate would volunteer. Kate tells her she just wants to give something back, after her ordeal.

Maggie chirps. Chloe tells her she thinks things are moving too fast with the show. Maggie thinks it doesn't give Chloe and Lucas much time for a honeymoon. Chloe wonders if Maggie said anything to Kate about her affair with Daniel, "Kate has been really nice to me, but sometimes it all seems fake." Maggie's assures her Kate doesn't know.

Dr. Hottie tries again. Daniel turns her down.

Melanie sulks. Chelsea bops in and asks what she is doing there. Melanie says, "My love for mankind kicked in... and, besides, this is the only job I could get." Melanie says she can't handle bonding with Chelsea, and leaves.

Phillip and Stephanie are back to sucking like dry leaches. Phillip decides maybe he should go. Stephanie stops him, "I want this, Phillip. I want you." She throws him back onto the couch. Phillip reads about Tony's death in the paper while Stephanie helps herself.

Since Tony's picture is spoiling the mood, Stephanie gets up and cleans the apartment. Phillip tells her she doesn't want to be a part of his life. Stephanie begs to differ. She rants against Victor. Slap and tickle ensues.

Stefano gets a call. Scruffy tells him issues have come up, "There is a new security system at the Kiriakis mansion, but my MIT education is paying off. Don't worry, I'm back in business. Nothing will get past me."

Stefano hangs up and Victor walks up. Stefano says he doesn't want to talk. Victor suggests they go somewhere else. Stefano asks, "Is there anywhere my son is not dead?"

"There's a rumor he may have gotten a part on All My Children," says Victor, "I know how you feel and think. A terrible thing has happened here."

"Stop with the euphemisms," says Stefano, "Your son killed my son."

"It was an accident," says Victor, "Although I know you will never believe that. We are both to blame. Let's keep this between us and keep the families out of it."

"That's want I intend to do," says Stefano, "Trying to deal with the rage I thought... Victor is going to know how this feels. Definitely. It's inevitable."

Maggie decides she and Chloe should set a time to get together again. Chloe opens her PDA. Nosy Maggie runs around behind her and looks at her appointments, "GASP! You have an appointment with Daniel! You told me you would never see him again."

Kate finds Daniel at the hospital and tells him she's volunteering, "It will take my mind off the mess that my life has become."

Daniel gets a page. As he leaves, he tells her she doesn't look like her life is a mess, "I Hope those pills I prescribed work."

After he leaves, Kate says, "Oh... They will."

Chelsea walks up. Kate says, "I heard you got a new roommate."

Chelsea says, "So you heard Phillip is staying with us. I think he will be OK. Do you want me to have him call." Kate doesn't answer. Instead, they both stare at Dr. Daniel. Chelsea asks what is going on.

Chloe tells Maggie Daniel is her doctor again. She assures her Daniel really tried to find her another doctor. She swears on her new Bible that Daniel and her are over. The Bible bursts into flame.

"You must be sick of me butting in," says Maggie.

"No," says Chloe, "I know you are watching out for Lucas."

"And you too," says Maggie, "I have the whole town behind you, because what I know – they know. I make sure of that."

Chloe assures her, "All our problems are in the past." Translation – you may save a lot of money by buying a prepackaged set of standard divorce papers at Office Max.

Phillip and Stephanie are back at it. Victor shows up and knocks. Resistance, as they say, is futile. Phillip opens the door. Victor says, "I have something I need to say. I'm sorry."

Chelsea wonders if Kate is volunteering because Daniel is there. They agree to meet later for lunch. Chelsea leaves. Kate spews, "Poor Daniel has no idea what's coming."

Kate fantasizes... Daniel is tied up in a chair at the cabin as Chloe chokes. Kate taunts, "I have one last request. How about singing a bit of the aria 'Sluts Always Die Coughing?"

Kate pops back to reality, "You're going to pay, Daniel."

Victor vows to try to be a better father. He asks Phillip to come home and come back to Titan. Phillip stares.

Daniel comes into the pub and hitches when he sees Chloe. He joins her. Chloe says, "This isn't a good idea."

"We can act like casual friends," says Daniel.

"I'm not good at pretending," says Chloe.

"We're not," says Daniel, "We are friends."

"I guess it's the casual part that seemed out of place," says Chloe.

"You didn't have any problem with 'casual' when it was casual sex," says Daniel.

Chloe says she's uncomfortable with Kate. He tells her Kate asked him if there was anything going on between them. He thinks Kate wouldn't know or she wouldn't put Chloe on TV.

Melanie makes a bed and rants. Maggie watches, "Didn't anyone teach you hospital corners?" Maggie says Melanie will have to re-make the bed. She offers help. Maggie bustles around and shows her how to do it right, "Any questions?"

"Just two," says Melanie, "Does Dr. Jonas have a girlfriend and how much do you think he makes?"

Dr. Daniel asks Chloe about her pregnancy. He wonders if she would have told him if it were his child. Chloe stares, "Probably not. I would have waited until someone switched it with another baby and then I would have said it was adopted."

Kate broods and watches Maxine bark orders at Melanie. Melanie turns and walks off. Kate accidentally on purpose bumps into her and the tray she is carrying goes flying. Kate is sooooo sorry. She helps clean up and lectures Melanie for not watching where she was going, "You could at least have excused yourself."

"I don't need a lecture on manners," says Melanie.

Kate snaps, "What you do need is a good spanking." Melanie hustles off.

Chelsea walks up and tells Kate she knows Melanie. She tells her she's the one who double crossed Phillip. Chelsea walks off. Kate cradles the key to the medicine cabinet.

Stephanie leaves to give Phillip and Victor some privacy. "I know you want change," says Phillip, "I just don't know why."

Kate eyes the medicine cabinet as Stefano comes in. Kate asks, "Why are you here?"

Stefano asks, "Doesn't the candy-striper's outfit I'm wearing answer that? While I am here, I'm also going to pick up Tony's death certificate."

Kate says, "I'm very sorry for your loss. Phillip is beside himself."

"Phillip certainly has enough spare parts to pull that off," says Stefano.

Chloe says she didn't think about whether she would tell Daniel. Daniel assures her she wouldn't have gone through it alone. She says Lucas is the guy she should go through things with.

"Being married to him you'll go through a lot," says Daniel. He leaves. Chloe stares.

Chelsea walks into the pub, finds Chloe and says she's there to meet Kate.

Kate uses the key to get into the medicine cabinet. Melanie comes up and sees what she's doing, "I'm going to have to tell security."

"Then I'll tell them about the incompetent girl who left the key," says Kate.

Melanie begs, "Please don't."

"OK," agrees Kate, "well just pretend it didn't happen." Melanie takes the key and leaves.

Victor says he wants Phillip back because he had a talk with Stefano, "In watching him grieve it hit me very hard. I was arrogant and I realize that now. I'll change. We'll prepare for you to take over."

Phillip asks, "Did you ever read King Lear?" Victor cautions him to be careful. Phillip wonders what Stefano said.

Victor says, "Stefano said pretty much the same thing that comes out of any DOOL script – nothing." Phillip apologizes too. Victor tells him there is plenty of blame to go around. He leaves. Stephanie comes back out. She begs him not to go back.

Stefano is back at the dock speaking Italian on the phone, "Phillip Kiriakis. Ki-ri-a-kis."

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