Collateral Damage

Father Mack conducts the christening ceremony and turns to the godparents, "Godfather, are you prepared to help Elvis and Nicole in their Christian duties as parents? Tony hesitates. Nicole flashes back to Tony's revelation.

After a few centuries pass, Tony asks, "Could you repeat the question? It was such a tough one." Father repeats. Tony says, "I am ready to do whatever is necessary."

Caroline asks Will if he got stood up. "Not exactly," says Will, "Girls are weird."

"They are in Salem."

Mia flashes back to giving Nicole her baby.

Rafe bounces Grace and says she is fussy. "I think the rash must be worse," says Sister Teresa.

"No," says Rafe, "My rash is actually much better."

The christening ceremony continues. Nicole faints. Everyone gathers round but Nicole insists she is fine. Tony thinks she needs a physical. He hands Sydney to Sami. "Am I baptized yet," asks Sydney. Nicole refuses to go to the hospital.

Mia comes into the church and dips her fingers into the holy water. It boils.

Mia prays, "I know I don't really belong here. I haven't been to church in a long time. And I've sinned."

"You may have sinned, my child," says God, "But you're in Salem, you've come to the Right place."

Mia whines, "I can't stop thinking I've made the worse mistake of my life."

EJ soothes Nicole. Nicole wants everyone to stop fussing.

"Lexie doesn't have fusses," says EJ, "Or medical skills either."

Suddenly, Nicole sees Sami with Sydney and nukes, "This is not the red cross, Sami!" Nicole grabs the kid and asks to get the show on the road. Father Mack has to start the ceremony from the beginning. Holy cow, they've moved from flashing back to doing things over. Oh, well, I guess it saves time over in the script-writing department. Father Mack goes on with the ceremony.

Tony sneers, "She'll be safe now won't she, Nicole?"

Sister Teresa thinks this is a dangerous situation. She knows the biological father will have legal clout if he finds out about Grace. "That's why we have to make sure he never does," says Rafe.

Mia finishes her prayer.

Lexie gets a page. She fakes a handoff to to Tony and passes Sydney to Nicole. It was, of course, a hail-mary pass. You saw that one coming, didn't you? Outside, Lexie runs into Mia and tells her about the christening. Mia peeks inside and sees Nicole with the baby. She pulls out a megaphone and shouts, "OMG! It's my baby!"

Will comes back into the pub and announces Mia has flown the coop. He tells Caroline he can't figure her out, "I can't believe she would just leave like that, though. Do you think something happened?"

Will sighs, "I don't even know her name."

Father Mack prays for the lord to Look upon the child. Instead, Mia looks upon the child.

Rafe pines for Sami. He says he thinks the DiMeras are arrogant the way they push people around. He hates that and vows he won't let them ruin Sami or Grace's life, "I can do a good enough job of that myself."

The endless ceremony continues. Sami bolts. Outside, Mia asks if she is OK. Sami asks a more pressing question, "Who are you?"

"I'm nobody," says Mia.

"Keep acting on this show and you will be," says Sami. They talk about Sydney. "I have three beautiful babies myself," says Sami, "Give or take... I've actually lost count."

Ceerreemmoonnyy... Nicole practically bursts into flame as Tony stares at her. She says a silent prayer begging God to help her keep her secret.

"I'm not a very good liar," says God.

Sister Teresa says Rafe reminds her of St. Joseph, "He took care of a woman and her baby too."

"He must have been good lookin'," says Rafe.

"No," says Sister Teresa, "I said you remind me of him. I think you are headed into dangerous waters."

"I think you should pray for Sami," says Rafe, "I wonder where she is and what she's doing."

Sami prays.

Ceerreemmoonnyy...

Rraaffee aanndd Ggrraaccee...

Ceerreemmoonnyy...

Rraaffee...

If it's excitement you're looking for, watch DOOL. Then if excitement ever comes along the contrast will be so great you'll recognize it immediately.

Rafe finally decides he'd better go. He says his goodbyes and leaves. Sister Teresa prays and asks St. Joseph to look after Rafe. After a moment of silence, she picks up her rosary, "No offense, Joseph, but I'm calling in the big guns."

Sister Teresa bows her head, "Our Father..."

Father Mack leads the prayer, "Who art in heaven..."

Sister Teresa picks it up, "Hallowed be Thy name..."

The artistry never ceases, does it?

Sami and Mia watch. They both decide they should never have come and they take off.

The DiMera clan has transported back to the mansion. EJ and Stefano harangue on about how great the ceremony was and what a great job each of them did standing there like bumps on a log. Stefano turns to Nicole and tells her she doesn't look too well. He thinks as feisty as she is she would be all over him and EJ and their blather about the ceremony, "Here EJ and I are pontificating and we haven't heard even the littlest feminist peep out of you."

"You're right," says Nicole, "Maybe I am a little tired."

Tony chimes in, "The ceremony... yes... what was that movie where the bad guys were at the christening and all through the ceremony they kept breaking away to shots of their enemies being brutally killed?"

EJ asks, "Does the word 'GODFATHER' mean anything to you?"

"Not really," says The Godfather.

Lexie thinks Nicole looks pale. Nicole insists, "I feel better."

"That's good," says Lexie, "Because I wouldn't have any idea what to do if you didn't."

Tony roasts Nicole. Uh... I mean, toasts. But, believe me, it was more like a roast.

Lexie tells Nicole about the girl watching the ceremony, "She was a cute little blonde teenager and she was watching as if it was her own baby. Nicole's deodorant fails her and she runs out of the room.

Outside, Nicole tells Tony they need to talk.

Tony gives her his Cheshire Cat grin, "I'm all ears."

"Well, I knew you weren't all brain."

Will tells Caroline he really is glad to be back at the pub, "The food in Switzerland is bad in three languages."

"The drama on DOOL," says Caroline, "is bad in any language." Will tells Caroline his dad is in Vegas getting married again. Caroline asks if that bothers him. Will says he feels like his dad's marriage is none of his business. Caroline disagrees. She asks if Will and Sami had a fight.

"It's hard to fight with someone who is never around," says Will, "I keep feeling like she's in trouble again."

Rafe finds Sami on the Salem park bench. Salem's Director of Financial Services has vowed to get more park benches once the stimulus money rolls in. Sami turns on the waterworks, "You're gonna be mad at me."

"That's never stopped you before," says Rafe. She tells him she went to the christening. He asks if the daddy who tried to have her killed was there. Sami spirals into her black hole of depression and says she thinks it's wrong she's not doing something like that for Grace, "I have to go get her and bring her home."

Mia returns to the pub. Will dangles her car keys in front of her face, "Lookin' for these?"

"Yeah," says Mia, "Strange, isn't it? I can't afford a meal, but I can afford a car."

"The pub is overpriced," says Will.

Caroline defends herself, "But the price of the food includes a free stomach pumping."

Will hands Mia the keys and introduces Caroline. Caroline clears the table and Mia apologizes for taking off. Will introduces himself, "BTW, I'm Will Horton. Or maybe it's still Roberts. Or DiMera... or Brady... or Reed..., I'm not sure."

"I'm Mia," she says, "I'm not big enough on the show to have a last name."

Rafe encourages Sami to wait, "Give it some time, and then you can act impulsively." He gets on her for going to the christening and asks her to consider things before bringing Grace home, "I want you to think."

"Thinking isn't my strong suit," whines Sami.

"People would say you had damaged the child's welfare if you brought her home now," says Rafe, "We have to wait until EJ wouldn't be suspicious. I'm sick of seeing you so unhappy. We'll bring Grace home when we know she can be here for all the Days Of Our Lives." He gets a call and goes off to take it.

Sami gets a call. EJ tells her Johnny has an ear infection, "I'd have Lexie take a look at it, but he's too young to die." Sami, being Sami, panics and runs for the DiMera mansion.

Nicole wants to know what Tony wants from her. She claims EJ won't believe him if he claims she isn't Sydney's mother, "What do you want? How much?"

Tony sneers, "You're sounding a tad delusional."

"Name your price."

Tony smiles, "I don't have one. Your situation is a lot more serious than you think. You don't have anything I want. Anything at all."

Nicole is desperate, "You can have my body."

"I already have a lifetime supply of toothpicks."

Will asks, "So you're like Beyonce, no last name?"

"Her last name is Knowles."

"So," asks Will, "You're a pretty private person?" Caroline brings the burgers. Mia tells her she can't pay. Caroline says she is Will's guest. Mia says she can't take charity and turns to leave.

"I don't know your last name," says Will, "But I know you're kind of a jerk."

Lexie makes her exit. As she goes she turns to Stefano, "I am relieved you were not struck by lightning standing in that church."

EJ piles on, "Having you renounce Satan is like having Keith Richards preach moderation."

Stefano chuckles and says he wants a word about Nicole

Tony says he may want revenge. Nicole whines, "Against me?"

"You're the least of my concerns," says Tony, "Do you think I'm going to sit around while my father attempts to humiliate me?"

"What are you going to do to my family," asks Nicole.

Sami rushes in demanding her son, "Where is EJ?" Nicole directs her.

Sami comes into the rumpus room and Stefano immediately excuses himself.

Nicole tells Tony they aren't finished. She wants to know why Tony hasn't blabbed. "Timing is everything," says tony, "I might as well use it to my advantage."

Will apologizes. Mia says she has to go. Will goes to wrap up the burgers. She thanks him. Gripping stuff.

Tony tells Nicole the truth always comes out. Nicole asks him if he's willing to make the child collateral damage in his war. Tony threatens to spill the beans right now if Nicole doesn't shut up.

Rafe wanders around Salem looking for Sami.

Sami lectures EJ for being so happy while their son is so sick. EJ apologizes for upsetting her. Sami don' wanna talk about it. EJ goes to get Johnny. Sami calls Sister Teresa and asks about Grace.

Sister Teresa says, "I don't want to alarm you, but she's a little fussy."

That does it, "FUSSY? OMG! A FUSSY BABY! STOP THE FREAKING WORLD! IT'S AN EMERGENCY! I'M COMING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW! I'M BRINGING MY BABY HOME!"

In true DOOL fashion, EJ walks in and overhears the hysterics, "What do you mean, 'bringing my baby home?'"

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