The King Of Naples

Nicole babbles and coos at Sydney, "Forget biology. You are mine in every way that matters. Except legally, of course." EJ comes up and shares the precious moment. He tells her Stefano has expressed concern that they haven't scheduled Sydney's baptism. Nicole wishes Stefano were concerned about scheduling the wedding. She says she has already arranged the baptism.

Tony meets Melanie at the only park bench in Salem. He loans her his coat since she was too dumb to wear one. He says he has the means to get the prototype into production.

Kate gets off the phone and tells Victor she's headed for Vegas, "Lucas and Chloe have decided to elope and I'm going to stop them."

Victor asks, "Why? We've been trying to get those two idiots out of town for years."

Chloe and Lucas smooch on the plane. Chloe is a-skeert to be flying. Lucas reminds her she will be Mrs. Lucas Horton tonight. Now she's really scared.

Rafe is on the phone outside the pub. He turns down the job in New York and looks inside where he sees Sami on the phone.

Inside, Sami talks to Sister Teresa and wonders why Grace is crying in the background. "Because," says Sister Teresa, "she knows I'm talking to her wacko mom."

EJ and Nicole figure Lexie can be Sydney's godmother. EJ announces he has to go get Johnny from Sami. Stefano walks in and wonders why Nicole chose St. Luke's and not the Convent of the Holy Cross for the christening.

Sami panics and says she can't come to the convent as Rafe walks in, "Everything OK?"

Sami says, "No, it's not. I can't think of anything to bawl about. And I'm really glad you're here because I need to ask you a favor."

Melanie wonders what the catch is. Tony says there is no catch. He says they have both been wronged by their families. The money will make them independent, "And nothing would make me happier than to watch my father and my pompous-ass brother eat crow."

Melanie turns him down, "I don't trust you." Tony gives his evil laugh.

Sami tells Rafe she needs to get to Grace because she has a rash. Rafe offers to get some ointment and drop it off at the convent. I ask you, folks, where else can you find action like this?

Sami hands Rafe a note with instructions. He walks off to study the note as Will walks in and says he's surprised Sami's not in a bad mood. He tells her Lucas and Chloe are eloping.

Victor wonders how Kate is going to stop the wedding. Kate says she's going to tell Lucas about Chloe's affair. Victor smirks, "With Daniel?"

Kate is shocked, "How do you know?"

"I just know," says Victor, "And I suggest you stay out of it."

Nicole flashes back to seeing Grace at the convent. She says she has already booked St. Luke's and it's too late to change that. Stefano is just thrilled. EJ goes to make a call. Stefano grills her about the convent, "Why did you not tell Elvis the truth?" Nicole squirms and tries to evade the question. Stefano presses.

Chloe tells Lucas she has never been to Vegas. "With your singing career, that doesn't surprise me too much," says Lucas, "because Vegas is where all the people with real talent go."

Suddenly Chloe decides she feels strange, "Lucas what are we doing?"

Lucas looks at her and speaks veeerrrry slowly, "We've been talking about eloping in Vegas... We're on a plane... the plane is headed for Vegas... think it through."

Smoke pours from her ears as Chloe thinks, "Is this the rehearsal?"

Will tells Sami Lucas asked him to go to Vegas but thinks they should be alone. Sami is surprised Kate is not with them, "Doesn't everyone take his mom and son along on his honeymoon?" Sami says she has to go make a call. Will wonders who she's calling. Sami forgets the words "none of your business" are part of the English language.

Stefano grills Nicole about the convent. "I was doing charity work," she claims.

Stefano gets sarcastic, "And I am the King of Naples."

EJ comes back in and Stefano reminds him they have business to take care of. Nicole interrupts and suggests she and EJ make a family trip of it and all go to the pub together. EJ warns her, "You know that Samantha is going to be there."

"I can deal with Sami," says Nicole, "She's threatened to kill me fewer times than Stefano has." EJ OK's it.

Nicole scoops up the kid as Stefano tells her, "That was a clever move. I'm not going to tell Elvis about the convent yet, but you and I are not finished."

Nervous Nicole says, "Chow Stefano. Buena noté." She rushes out.

"Wrong language," says Stefano, "Wrong move."

Tony tells Melanie he doesn't do business the way his brother does, "But I won't pressure you. It's your decision. I'm sure you have dozens of other investors lined up anyway." He starts to leave but Melanie reconsiders and tells him to wait.

Chloe says she thinks they weren't fair leaving without telling Kate. She's worried Kate will be devastated when she misses out on all the fun.

Kate takes her devastation out on Victor and rants about Chloe. Victor yells, "So she's a morally bankrupt harlot, so what? I said I would help you bring Chloe down. Not Lucas."

Mommie Dearest strikes again, "There is no way to avoid Lucas being hurt."

"So bring them both down," growls Victor, "Knock yourself out." Kate vows to stop the wedding. He reminds Kate he's been warning her for months about the little slut. Kate doesn't appreciate the I-told-you-so moment. Victor says there are other ways to do this.

Will wants to know what the big deal is about the call. Rafe interrupts, sees things are tense and decides to take care of the errand. He sees Nicole come in and flashes back to his cable guy moment with her.

DOOLRule #27 - When talking to yourself, no one else can hear even if they're standing next to you and you're shouting.

Lucas wants Chloe to be sure about what they are doing. "It's hard to be sure about it when you don't have a clue what you are doing," says Chloe. She decides she wants to call Kate and invite her when they get to Vegas. Lucas don' wanna. He says Kate will be fine.

Suddenly, the flight attendant makes an announcement over the loudspeaker, "Ladies and gentlemen, and Chloe and Lucas, I'm sorry to inform you that we must turn the plane around and go back to Salem."

Victor suggests they just let Lucas and Chloe get married, "He'll find out about the bitch himself and then get an annulment." Kate can't let that happen, I don't want him going through the trauma of another divorce."

"I didn't know he was that much of a wuss," snorts Victor.

"I guess you don't know him as well as most people do," says Kate, "I'm going. Can I borrow the jet?"

"Sure," says Victor, "If you don't mind crash landings."

Tony asks Melanie to give him the benefit of the doubt. She says she will, but on her terms. She wants the deal in writing with contracts and lawyers. She wants to remain the sole owner of the patent. Tony agrees. He wants to see the blueprints. Melanie says she will call as soon as she gets a copy.

Rafe contemplates Nicole and heads for the back door. EJ and Nicole meet up with Sami and Will. Sami goes ga-ga over Sydney. Will says he will go up to get Johnny and Allie. Nicole wonders how Sami kept her sanity in the witless protection program. "It's not hard," says Sami, "When you don't have sanity in the first place." Nicole says nothing or no one will keep her from Sydney. Translation: Bye, Syd.

Melanie meets Max at the Cheatin' Heart. "Well," says Max, "I haven't seen you in a while; where have you been?"

She leans in, "I've been layin' low."

"Low," repeats Max, "That's an odd name for a guy." Max thinks she's up to something. She hems and haws and asks for a copy of the blueprints. Max refuses.

Victor tells Kate the plane is out of service. Kate vows to stop the wedding and stomps out.

As Loserclueless and Chloe wonder what's going on, the attendant comes back over the PA system and announces, "We can continue our flight to Las Vegas. All of our mechanical issues have been resolved. The engine that was giving us trouble fell off the plane. Please return your seats to their upright and locked position for our approach and death spiral into Las Vegas." Lucas says nothing will stop the wedding now. More Smoochies.

Insecure Nicole is upset because Will took Sydney upstairs with him. She wants to go get her back, "Caroline scares her." EJ referees as Sami and Nicole bicker. Father Methuselah interrupts. He announces that he'll be doing the baptism and asks if Sami will be there. Tense moments ensue. EJ says Sami is welcome to attend if she wants.

Melanie chews on her lemon as she talks to Max. The other bartender tells Max he needs to go get some cash. Max gets into the safe as Melanie watches. Suddenly, she runs out. Max calls after her, "Melanie... what the hell are you up to?"

Rafe is at the convent and has apparently saved Grace from the heartbreak of chapped buns. He bounces Grace around as Sister Teresa tells him how happy she is he came back to see her. "She's the only one who gets my jokes," says Rafe. Sister Teresa asks about Sami. Rafe says she's OK but it breaks her heart that she can't see Grace, "By the way, she wanted me to ask if you have room at the convent for a couple more toddlers and a teenager with a big mouth."

Father Methuselah thinks maybe he has said something that made everyone uncomfortable. He decides this would be a good time to go back to the church and say a prayer to whatever saint looks over people who need to keep their mouth shut.

"Thank you, Father," says EJ, "And goodnight."

"Goodnight John-Boy," says Father M.

EJ explains, "He's getting pretty old. He gets a little confused sometimes." Sami tells EJ not to feel obliged to invite her to the baptism. EJ encourages her to be there. Will returns. "We'll save you a seat in the front row," says Nicole.

"Great," says Will, "Too bad all the other rows will be empty."

Melanie wanders outside. Tony finds her. She tells him she didn't get the blueprints but will.

Chloe and Lucas arrive at the chapel. "Where are the Flying Elvises," asks Lucas.

Kate sits on the plane next to some old biddy who asks, "Are you going to Las Vegas?"

Bill Engvall walks up to her and says, "Here's your sign."

Bertha the biddy continues to bug Kate, "Are you going on business or pleasure?"

"Business," says Kate, "Strictly business."

EJ makes small talk with Will. Nicole continues to have separation anxiety. She goes upstairs. EJ follows. Sami rushes out of the pub and makes her call. She begs, "Pick up... Please pick up." Will watches through the door.

Rafe picks up. Sami erupts into a geyser of tears, "I miss her too much! I want my little girl now!"

Nicole comes downstairs and assures Sydney she won't let anyone come between them.

Now we're on a different plane headed to Chicago. Crazed Mia sits in her seat and stares, "She's my baby, Nicole. Mine."

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