I'm All A-Twitter

I once walked into an office where a bunch empty suits had been filling their empty minds with empty ideas. There was a white board in the area where they had been meeting and they had used it to turn their oh-so-important thoughts into a diagram to be forever saved for posterity. Right in the middle of the diagram someone had written...

Internet = Truth
I Hope... I pray... someone was being sarcastic.

I Hope... I pray... if the guy who wrote it was serious, no one else bought it.

I Hope... I pray... you have enough sense at least to take what you find on the Internet with a grain of salt.

I Hope... I pray... for Hester to win just one more 'A.' (I just had to throw that in.)

Anyway, I think we all know the statement would have been more accurate if he had written something like...

Internet = Bubbling cauldron of half-truths, out-and-out lies, urban legends, sanctimonious blather and complete BS interspersed with a dash of truth here and there.
Of course, there wasn't room for all that on the white board. And, see, in all of the wide-wide Internet, ONLY PREVUZE italicizes the garbag... uh, suspect material. Most of the time. All the rest of the stuff out there on the dub-dub-dub, you have to figure out for yourself.

So that long-winded preface brings me to... Twitter. It's a "social networking" site where you post ("tweet") your innermost introspective and poignant thoughts for all the word to see – in 140 characters or less. Twitter is all the rage. Beyonce tweets. Britney tweets. CNN tweets. Even Obama tweets!

Mainly, Twitter is a place where you can go to say, "Hey, world! Look at me! Pay attention to me!"

A gal in the audience stands up and screams, "Uh, Prevuze, where the hell are you going with this? This is supposed to be about DOOL!"

So, to get to the point, which apparently some people think I should do, I recently discovered "Secrettweet." This is a site you can go to in order to post your innermost secrets anonymously, and that site will, in turn, post them on Twitter. So, without fear of discovery, you can tell the world about your affairs, the guy you secretly love, your bad habits... anything. Well, ever since I found this site and, having somewhat of a mischievous side, I have become obsessed with the thought of posting outrageous lies there. I want the world to know I was once abducted by aliens and held captive on Pluto. I want to tell everyone I once spent a week camping in the woods with Sasquatch. I want to make up 140 character pornographic vignettes that would make Larry Flynt blush.

This obsession took hold of me bigtime. I couldn't shake it. But the little angel on my right shoulder kept telling me how deceitful it was while the little devil on my left shoulder kept saying, "DO IT! DO IT!" Well, the little angel nearly prevailed and I almost gave up on the idea. But then, the little devil played his trump card and reminded me about that bubbling cauldron of half-truths and out-and-out lies thing. "Preve, baby," he said, "Dat's what de Internet is for!"

So I made the big leap to the moral darkside and decided to become a Secrettweet fiction writer. Then I was faced with the problem of what to "tweet." After a few false starts and great self-debate, I had one of those rare moments of epiphany that brought everything into focus. I could post what happens on DOOL! That way, my posts wouldn't be a lie. They would be... fictitious but real... literature... yes, I would be posting literature... no, I guess not. DOOL is about as far from literature as you can get. I would be... REPORTING! Yes, I would be reporting what is happening on the show to people who don't watch it or don't have time to keep up with it! I would be performing a public service! Hallelujah!

I can rationalize anything.

So, without further ado...

A gal in the audience nudges her neighbor. The gal next to her says, "Zzzzzzzzzz, huh? Wha?"

"I think we're about to get to the point, you can wake up."

I came up with secret tweets various Daze characters might post and posted them. For real. I couldn't post the name with the tweets, but I have listed below the person who would have tweeted them.


Stefano:

I'm a powerful man used to getting everything I want. I asked a woman to marry me and she's stringing me along. I'm not used to this.

Daniel:

I'm having an affair with a woman engaged to the son of a woman I had an affair with last month.

Kayla:

For years I thought my husband was dead. He wasn't. Now he's back. I'm 47, he's 57 and we just had a kid.

Max:

I used to be a pretty successful race driver but now I'm barely making a living as a bartender.

Chelsea:

My old boyfriend just went to prison. I think he'd rather be there than with me.

Nick:

I lost my virginity to my girlfriend's mom one night when she was really drunk.

Sami:

A man raped me and I had his kid. Then I willingly slept with him and am having another kid of his. I don't want him to know.

Nicole:

My fiancée thinks I'm pregnant but I'm not. I'm wearing padding and trying to figure out how to come up with a baby.

What must people think?

And as you now read through Secrettweet, think about it yourself. Given the fact we've established the Internet is a seething cornucopia of BS, how many of those tweets you are reading do you think are bogus?

It's despicable people would do that. Except for me. That was literatur... uh, reporting; a public service. But you don't have to thank me.

A word on Twitter... we established a Prevuze Twitter account a long time ago, but never did anything with it. I'll start posting some spoiler info there and maybe we can have some fun with it. You can follow us by signing up for Twitter and finding us at http://www.twitter.com/prevuze.

So, have a great weekend and if a devilish little mood strikes you, go out and post lies on Secrettweet. I'll be watching.