Unholy Matrimony

Sami and EJ arrive at the cop shop and ask why they have to meet there. Roman explains, "Because we have this set available." Roman has already talked to Burke and stuck up for them. John and Marlena arrive. Nicole bursts in behind them, "I am so sorry. I hope I'm not too late."

Sami asks, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Comic relief," says Nicole.

Phillip is at the pub bantering with Max. Phillip offers Max a way to click off the rest of his community service hours and earn some more cash by spying on John Black.

Kate commiserates with Chelsea about her infertility, "It's kind of like a farmer losing his best line of breeding stock. Salem's line of Grade-A prime ho-bags comes to an end."

Martino argues with the cop about being in Ava's hospital room. He says he hoped never to run into Patch again. Kayla introduces herself. Martino doesn't like the fact that she's Ava's doctor. Kayla asks why Martino put Ava in the hands of a physician who put her in danger. "Impossible," says Martino, "I specifically ordered that Lexie stay away from her."

"Whoever gave Ava that medication wanted to make sure she would lose her mind," says Kayla.

"How do you know that," asks Martino.

"Because," says Kayla, "It's the same medication Steve has been on for years."

Chelsea whines about Daniel being off her case. Kate asks Chelsea, "You're hoping that you and Daniel could be more than just friends aren't you?" We're saved from her answer by a knock at the door. Kate answers and Nick comes in. "Look," says Kate, "Your boyfriend." Chelsea suppresses the urge to hurl.

Sami asks, "Why are you here."

"Why do you think, Sunshine," asks Nicole, "I'm here to testify about your unholy matrimony."

Nicole asks if EJ has dual citizenship, which would mean they couldn't deport him. EJ gives a convoluted explanation. Hearing that, Nicole could use a drink. Burke invites John in. Automajohn reassures Sami and EJ on his way in, "It's OK, I've got your back."

Roman, Marlena and EJ tell Sami to settle down as she and Nicole bicker. Marlena wishes she knew what John was saying in there with Burke, since he remembers nothing of his life with Sami.

John tells Burke he's sure EJ and Sami love each other, "In fact, Mr. Burke, I don't think those two kids realize just how much in love they really are."

"Kids," asks Burke, "They're hardly kids."

"They're hardly adults," says John, "Unless you're just talking about their chronological ages."

Max refuses Phillip's offer.

Morgan comes up behind Phillip. If her eyes were lasers, her look would vaporize him.

Nick has plans for Chelsea when she gets better – a romantic picnic at the Horton cabin on the beach. Chelsea is unimpressed. Nick suggests going out back and getting comfortable in Bo and Hope's hammock. Chelsea suggests he go play in traffic.

Lexie thanks Daniel for all his help but asks, "Are you leaving Salem because you want to go catch a wave, or is it because of Chelsea Brady?"

"Chelsea's pretty tough to stomach," says Daniel, "But I wouldn't leave town because of her."

Ava writhes. Kayla says she's going through withdrawal. Martino vows to take care of her. Ava cries, "What's wrong with me?"

"You mean other than being a skanky ho," asks Martino, "If you want to blame someone for your situation, you blame Patch – because I do."

Nick senses something is wrong and wants to know what's going on. Chelsea tells him nothing; it's just that she's still recovering. She gives him the brush off and he says he'll call when she's feeling better. He starts to give her a kiss on the lips and she practically breaks her neck turning to the side. He gives her a peck on the cheek and leaves. Chelsea picks up her phone and selects speed-dial #15 – Daniel.

Daniel claims he's not leaving because of Chelsea. His phone rings, but the caller is unidentified. He answers but the little brat hangs up. Lexie says, "I wish you weren't leaving. The hospital needs at least one halfway competent doctor."

Martino vows to take Ava home and take care of her. Patch taps Martino on the shoulder, "Hey, it's time to go."

"You don't tell me when to go," says Martino, "Besides, I went just before I came in here."

Kayla chimes in, "I'm her doctor, and I'm telling you to go."

Martino turns to Ava, "We'll talk about this when you get home."

"I'm under arrest, Daddy. I'm not going home."

"You're going home." Martino leaves.

Outside, Patch watches as Martino talks on the phone, "It's not a game show. You don't have a choice. Get it done." Martino hangs up and has a staredown with Patch.

Morgan tells Phillip she just heard him try to get Max to spy. Phillip agrees to leave Max out of it if Morgan lets him buy her a drink. She turns him down but challenges him to a game of darts. Phillip accepts. Morgan turns to Max who is back behind the bar, "Darts, please."

"They're in the dart board," says Phillip.

"Not those," says Morgan, "I want my special ones." Max hands her a wooden box, which she opens to reveal her special jeweled girly darts. Morgan smiles as Phillip walks away.

Phillip reaches up to take the darts out of the board. Morgan chucks her special girly dart right into the bull's-eye. It catches Phillip's shirt on the way and Morgan reminds him he can afford a new one. "Oooohhhh, I'm intimidated," says Phillip.

"You should be."

John assures Sami he told the truth when he was in with Burke. EJ thanks Nicole for coming down to testify. Nicole thinks this might expedite her divorce. EJ reminds her divorces from men like Victor can take some time. "Exportation from the good ole USA," says Nicole, "can be a lot faster."

"Easy," says EJ.

"Don't get your boxers in a bunch, hot stuff."

EJ warns her not to say anything that could hurt his chances of staying in the US. "Cue the organ music and stir the martinis," says Nicole, "Like I haven't heard that one before."

Sami comes up and thanks EJ for sticking up for her. Nicole watches and smiles.

Nick sits in the pub with Morgan and Max and tells them what happened with Chelsea. They tell her Stephanie is on the way over there as Daniel walks into the pub, apparently unnoticed by the trio. Nick loses it, spills his beer and runs out. Morgan nearly bumps into Phillip as she chases Nick. Phillip follows and she blames him for Nick getting away. "Are you always such a drama queen," says Phillip.

Chelsea tells Stephanie she's feeling indifferent about Nick. She's not breaking up with him right now, though. Stephanie advises, "You'd better think about that before you do it. You don't want to make a mistake that can't be undone. You know, like the mistake Bo and Billie made when they had you."

"So," says Chelsea, "How about you and Max? Did you guys... uh..." she works her eyebrows.

"Yeah," blushes Stephanie, "We did." She takes out her script from when she was with Jeremy, "I really think he's it. I can't imagine myself with anyone else."

"That's how I felt about Nick," says Chelsea, "Until I met Daniel. He's twice the man Nick is."

"Right," says Stephanie, "If you're talking about his age." She stokes the fire, "I've seen the way he looks at you and I think he's totally into you."

"Not yet," says Chelsea.

"He's incredibly hot," says Stephanie, "I'll bet the women at the bank swoon when he's there to cash his Social Security check."

Chelsea stammers, "I do like... I do love him. I am in love with Daniel Jonas."

Kate meets Martino at the pub, "The years have been kind to you, Marty."

"You're the only one that ever called me Marty," he says. They're both busy now but he talks her into meeting for dinner at his hotel room – no strings attached. Kate is distant and Martino asks what's up. Kate tells him she stumbled onto a murder scene earlier. Martino says he can't believe it. He stammers.

Kate says she had forgotten how squeamish he was, "Did you accomplish what you came to Salem for?"

"No," says Martino, "But I will soon." He walks her to her car.

Sami frets while Nicole is in with Burke. Nicole comes out giggling as Burke smooches her hand and thanks her for her cooperation. As Burke goes back inside Sami confronts Nicole, "Well?"

Nicole says, "Johnny is going to have a nice time visiting his father in London. Maybe you should visit Will in Switzerland on the way. Dang. At this rate, you're not going to have anyone left in this country." Sami attacks as Nicole starts to walk out. Roman and Marlena restrain her.

Nicole insists she was just kidding as Burke calls for Sami. EJ requests they go in together. Burke has no objection.

Stephanie asks, "I don't get it. Why can't you and Daniel have a future?"

Chelsea says, "Because at his age, his future is already in the past."

"Well," says Stephanie, "After you called, I went downstairs and gave him a piece of my mind."

"You didn't have a piece to spare," says Chelsea. She decides she's tired. Stephanie leaves. Chelsea paces once she is gone and answers a knock at the door. It's Daniel making one last house call before he leaves town for good.

Daniel tells her he's there to say goodbye, "And then I'm off to catch a wave, or at least play some shuffleboard in Sun City."

"So you don't stay in any one place long enough to establish roots or build a relationship. What kind of life is that?"

"It's the life of a two-bit actor trying to find steady work."

Max cleans up and finds Nick's notebook. He can't believe Nick left his work there. He picks up the notebook and leafs through it.

Sami, EJ and Burke banter. Burke gets down to brass tacks, "I have to ask you, Mrs. DiMera, do you love your husband."

Sami looks into EJ's eyes, "I do."

Lexie says, "According to your chart, things are looking up, Ms. Vitali. Another day or two with me as your doctor and we'll reverse that trend." She tells Ava both her father and Patch are gone.

Stephanie catches Max "fixing" Nick's work. Kayla walks by and looks down at it, "Whoa, I went to medical school and I don't think I could figure out what that is."

"It's a notebook," says Max.

Daniel says his goodbyes and leaves. He freezes at the door. Chelsea freezes. We stay frozen in time until Chelsea turns to look. As prophesized, she turns into a pillar of salt. Suddenly, Daniel rushes toward her, grabs her and performs an emergency tonsillectomy.

Well, it didn't look like a fantasy, but we'll never know until the show airs on Monday, because this is where the tape ran out. I guess we just weren't destined to get this full show. We'll get our equipment back on track by Monday. Until then, we can hold out hope that... oh, wait... this is DOOL. There is no hope.