A Worthless Piece Of Cow Dung

Chelsea and Stephanie arrive at the sorority house for the rush party. Chelsea can't take it. She tells Stephanie she's leaving but Bambi comes out, asks them to check their brains at the door and come on in. Oh, Bambi just loves their precious shoes. Hers, of course are Prada.

They walk inside and Stephanie admires the digs. She thinks it would be great to call this place home. You will," says Bambi, "If you become a member."

Stephanie has gone brainless, "Sign me up!"

Bambi brings her back to earth, "IF, sugar. I said IF."

Patch panics. They all pull Benjy's body out of the coffin and lay him on the ground. Patch gives CPR. Abe tells him he is too late. Patch won't give up.

Bo tells everyone about OMB's encounter with Stefano. OMB flashes back and zones. They ask if he is all right. OMB says, "I haven't been all right since Santo lied."

Hope says, "OMG! His wife wasn't dead."

"No," says OMB, "That's not it. The cheeser said I could play with his son's lorry."

"The man is evil," says Marlena. OMB says what happened afterwards wasn't Santo's fault. Colleen left her ring for the poor, and took off after Santo. YOMB decided he had to tell the truth and made the mistake of his life. Not exactly. The mistake of his life was deciding to breed.

Chelsea wants to leave. Stephanie begs her not to go. Two girls come up to introduce themselves, "Hi, I'm Misty and this is Misti." The girls talk about first impressions. Stephanie and Chelsea ask for advice on getting in.

Misty, or is it Misti... says a successful pledge has to be gorgeous or have good grades, "If you want in, bring something good to the table." A barf bag.

We pan away from the cliffs. YOMB comes up and discovers Colleen and Santo kissing. Colleen says it wouldn't have been right to keep the ring. She hopes Santo isn't angry with her for giving it away. Santo says he could never be angry with her. He tells her when they get to New York she won't miss Ireland. Colleen says she will always miss her country. Santo senses something is wrong. Colleen tells him she can never return home. Her da will never respect her again. Santo is all she will have. He vows never to let her down, "You are-a leavink the sister-a-hood behind-a, but you take-a yourself with-a you." She says he has a great gift. A way of making it seem things will work out just grand. In other circles some would refer to this as being a silver-tongued devil.

Tomorrow is their wedding day. She doesn't know if she can bear saying goodbye to Shawn. Santo says he can come with them. YOMB watches.

Stephanie says she would cut off her right arm to get in to I Slamma Mama. Chelsea wants to set up a little test. She stops Missy and Tiffany and asks if it takes anything more than brains and beauty to get in. Missy says money helps. Tiffany chimes in and says if it is "old money," that helps even more.

Chelsea says, "This place stinks."

"How do you really feel," asks Tiffany.

"It's lame," says Chelsea.

The girls think they should go says the same thing to Bambi, but the sisters tell them Bambi is a tough character, "If you are in a fight you want Bambi on your side. No one ever crosses her." Chelsea apologizes. Stephanie takes her aside and tells her she doesn't think she has a chance of getting in if it depends on who she is related too. She reminds Chelsea she has a father who is a bit weird.

Speaking of whom, Patch swears Benjy has started breathing. Abe attempts to bring him back to reality and tries to pull him off the body. Patch takes off his jacket and covers Benjy because he is cold. He gets down and huddles with his body.

OMB continues. Santo wanting to take them away made him sick. He thought his dad could fix everything but he was wrong.

Colleen says, "We can'na take Shawn to Amerikey. Da has alroody lost me. We can'na take his son, too." Santo says when Pete gets used to the idea of them being married, he can come to America, too. They will buy the ticket for him and make sure there is room for her family in their house. Colleen thinks her father will never forgive her. Santo insists he will. YOMB sneaks away.

The party continues. "Attention ladies," announces Bambi, "Time to come up and get your pins!" Chelsea don' wanna.

"You must wear the pin day and night," says Bambi, "And your behavior must reflect the ideals of I Felta Thigh whenever you have it on." She asks if there are any questions.

Chelsea raises her hand, "Are you known for anything besides perfect makeup and hair?"

Bambi's assistant, Tiffany fields that one. She says they are known for their volunteer work with the homeless. Sensing some dissention, Bambi gives them a few extra minutes to consider their decision, "Remember, choices can make or break a life."

As Colleen and Santo maul each other, Pete rushes up and says, "Get yer hands off her, ye filthy animal."

Colleen struggles with Pete, "He's the man I'mta marry!"

Pete says, "He's lying, lass."

Colleen gasps, "What?"

Pete turns to Santo, "Tell her. Tell her about yer wife."

YOMB jumps in, "She's alive."

"This is true," asks Colleen.

Santo does his best Maxwell Smart, "Would you believe it's DOOL and she came back to life? Uh, would you believe I had her stuffed and mounted and told Stefano she was still alive? Would you believe..."

Colleen cries and hugs her da.

Patch shrouds Benjy. Abe orders an autopsy. Patch tells Abe this is murder, and they know who killed him. He wonders why they need an autopsy. Abe thinks they might find something else, "What kind of man would kill his own son?"

Patch says, "This is one murder Stefano is not gonna get away with."

Chelsea wonders what if happiness really does come down to a decision like this. She decides to take a pin.

OMB can still see the pain in Colleen's eyes, "I never saw the end coming. Of course, on this show it never does."

Colleen rages. She takes 'hell hath no fury...' to a new level. Santo pulls his 'Guy Manual' out of his pocket. Me madly leafs through the pages and comes up with, "Colleen, I can explain-a."

Colleen screams, "May the Lard poonnish me fer being a silly fool! You lied to me! How could'ya?"

Santo back to the 'Guy Manual,' "Sometimes-a there is a deeper-a truth. We are-a meant-a to be togeddher."

Colleen shoots that one down, "If the Lard meant us ta be tagether ye would'na be married, wouldja? You had'jer fun wit' me, didn'cha?"

Pete decides to bring a bit of dignity to the conversation, "Yer a worthless piece of cow dung, y'are."

Santo backpedals, bobs and weaves. He says he felt like he had the right to lie. They had the right to choose their own future, "In fact, it-a was our duty!" He assures her they will be together. Pete takes her away.

Bambi calls for attention and asks everyone to come get a pin. Chelsea has changed her mind again. She thinks she will ruin Stephanie's chances.

Patch thinks Benjy's death is his fault. He doesn't know how he will tell Kayla. He's been chasing the DiMeras for the past few months and this is their sick idea of payback. Patch swears he is going to retaliate. "That's where you are wrong, my friend," says Abe.

Santo stoops by the cliffs and contemplates. In the church, Colleen prepares to take her vows.

OMB says, "Colleen became a nun and Santo made sure she never got to keep her vows."

Bambi comes up and asks if Chelsea and Stephanie want to pledge. Stephanie says she will if Chelsea will. Chelsea takes a pledge pin. They thank Bambi and leave.

Bambi makes an announcement to the sisters, "OK, ladies. Time to look at this year's haul."

Pete and YOMB watch the ceremony. Colleen approaches the altar and kneels.

Santo and Stefano stand outside. They walk into the sanctuary. Colleen turns and sees them. Oh, the shame! Santo and Stefano walk away. Colleen rips her headgear off and runs from the church.

Bambi narrates as the sorority sisters look at slides. Chelsea's picture comes up. Bambi says she didn't smile much, but her teeth were good. Tiffany thinks Chelsea was scared they would reject her, so she rejected them first. Bambi thinks with Chelsea around, they won't be bored.

Stephanie's picture comes up. "She was a total suck up," says Missy. Someone else points out she used to be a racecar driver. Bambi decides she would be good at beer runs.

Outside, Chelsea says she isn't going to rush. She took the pin because it was the only way Stephanie would take one. Stephanie thinks Chelsea is afraid of rejection. Chelsea thinks that's lame. Stephanie points out when they became friends Chelsea was afraid Bo and Hope would be reject her so she rejected them first. Same with Nick. Chelsea insists she doesn't have a fear of rejection, "But I do have a fear of changing my name to Chelsi."

"You could change it to Brati," says Stephanie.

Reluctantly, Chelsea agrees to pledge. Stephanie admits she is scared, too.

"Nobody ever rejects you," says Chelsea.

"Jeremy did," says Stephanie. Chelsea remembers Jeremy telling her not to tell Stephanie he was there. Chelsea says she is just glad they are pledging together.

Abe forbids the Johnson style of justice. Patch thinks Stefano will hire a couple of thousand-dollar an hour attorneys and walk. Abe asks, "What about your wife... your daughter... and Pocket?"

"My wife and daughter are wonderful," says Patch, "But there is a hole in my pocket."

Abe reminds him of the years of hell his family went through when he was missing, "And that doesn't even compare to the hell they are going through now that you are back."

"Right now," says Patch, "It's all about Benjy. I told him he was safe. I let him drop his guard and Stefano killed him." Patch turns to leave and extract his revenge.

Abe draws a gun and points it at him, "I'm very serious."

Patch says, "If you wanna stop me you will have to shoot me." Patch walks off. If Abe had a pair he would at least kneecap him.

OMB says, "Colleen ran off and they followed. It's amazing how a small woman in a cumbersome seventy-pound habit can outrun a strapping guy like Pete."

Pete, YOMB and Father Mallory follow Colleen's trail to the cliffs. They find her habit lying on the ground near the edge, and look at the raging sea below. Pete looks into the abyss and cries, "Colleen, no! Now ye've added skinny dippin' to yer multitude of sins."

OMB says, "We were too late."


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