A Need For Speed

Stephanie greets the throng at the door as frat guys rush to the auction, only they think it's free pizza, free beer and a chance to watch the big game. One guy recognizes Stephanie. He comes up to her and asks, "Hey, are you Salem's answer to Danica Patrick?"

"No," says Stephanie, "She can actually drive a racecar."

"Well, we have something in common. I'm named after a car – Ford Decker."

Inside, Max declines to participate. Chelsea drags Adrienne into it. She tries to convince Max. Max is skeptical, "Oh, you're gonna convince a bunch of frat guys to turn off the game and sell their bodies to a chick-charity they don't even know about."

"OK," says Billie, "What do we know?" Silence. "I meant, what do we know about what Lauren has been up to?" Billie runs through a litany of Lauren's activities and whereabouts but she wants more details.

Kayla stands in the hospital corridor, wrinkles her brow and worries. Hope rushes up and asks what's wrong. Pocket puke-it. He's in the hospital because Kayla is only a doctor and didn't know what to do. Hope provides encouragement but Kayla thinks it's serious.

Lucas is adamant, "The answer is no. We're going home." Sami asks him to listen to EJ. Lucas doesn't want any part of this and starts to leave. Sami stops him and EJ says their marriage will be in name only, "It will be temporary. My father is in poor health and could go any day now. Once he's gone, Sami goes home to you. You have my word on it."

Max thinks the guys will be ticked when they find out the girls conned them. He bets Stephanie $20 the auction will fall apart. Stephanie raises the bet to $50. She lowers her top, "Well, I guess it's time to go to work."

Sami takes Lucas aside. She tells him she doesn't have a choice. She asks him to understand, "EJ has agreed to boundaries."

Lucas shouts, "So when I found EJ in your lap, that was within the boundaries?"

Sami says, "I thought he was dying."

EJ overhears and butts in, "I assure you, there will be no displays of affection, public or private."

"You gotta be the biggest liar I've ever met," says Lucas, "Except for Mimi, of course."

Stephanie turns off the game. The crowd gets ugly. Ford tells them to listen to what she has to say.

She thanks them for showing up on such short notice, "That was great, so give yourselves a round of applause!" Silence. The little trooper presses on, "I have a surprise for you. Who wants to go on a date with some of the hottest girls on campus?" Silence. As Stephanie makes an impassioned plea for the safe house charity, a lead balloon crashes into the room.

Chelsea steps up onto the stage and gives it a try, "Come on up, take your shirts off and strut your stuff!"

The guys won't agree to anything until the TV goes back on. They chant, "TURN IT ON! TURN IT ON! TURN IT ON!"

Phillip has a re-flashback to the bribe at the halfway house. Then he flashes back to badgering Lauren before she fell. She bolts, she falls. Then he has another flashback to Lauren telling him Tyler is alive. Whoa! A triple flashback!

Billie jogs him back to reality. She questions Shawn about his trip to Indianapolis, and then says, "Why would Lauren come back to Salem? Between July 4 and yesterday, She was all over the map."

"I know! I know," squeals Belle, "Salem is close to Chicago, close to the ocean, close to the mountains. In other words SALEM IS ALL OVER THE MAP!"

Phillip has a better idea, "She came back because Tyler is here."

"Or to turn herself in," says Billie.

"He's here," says Phillip, "He's in the hospital right now."

Dr. Berman gives careless Kayla, wicked foster-mother, the third degree. He wants to know what household cleaners they have been pouring down Pocket's throat. Kayla doesn't appreciate this. Dr. Berman says Pocket has chemical poisoning. Kayla insists there is no way it could have happened.

"We found ammonia in his system," says Dr. Berman, "In cases like this, I am required to notify CPS."

"TURN IT ON! TURN IT ON! TURN IT ON!" Stephanie gives up and turns the TV on. She turns to Chelsea and whispers, "College boys are idiots." Stephanie decides to auction Chelsea off, "If they won't cooperate, we can at least clear the room." She turns to Max, "Are you going to gloat or be smug and silent?"

Max gloats, "Smug and silent."

Ford comes up and apologizes for his brothers' behavior. He thinks there might be a way to change their minds, "Play up your emotions. Have you ever met a guy who said no to a girl who was sobbing uncontrollably?"

Sami and Lucas go into the kitchen to talk. Lucas rants, "You can't even see straight you're so snowed." Lucas thinks EJ set this whole thing up. Sami points out the folio was in Galway before EJ was born. She reminds him EJ saved his life in the freezer truck. Lucas says EJ still can't be trusted. Sami insists people change. Lucas doesn't buy it.

Sami whimpers, "I'm just asking you to believe in me."

"Here we go again," snorts Lucas, "You're gonna twist it around and make it seem like I don't believe in you. I do. But more than that I believe in us. Do you believe in us?"

"Yes," says Sami, "More than ever."

"Then why are you doing this?" The boy hasn't been listening.

"You know why," says Sami. Sami says she feels his love every time he puts his arms around her and she knows this will all work out. Lucas says it will only work out if they stay together. Sami tells him how wonderful she feels every time she wakes up and sees him beside her.

Lucas nukes, "How will you feel when you wake up and see EJ beside you?"

"I will not sleep with him," screams Sami.

"He's not gonna stop till he gets it," growls Lucas, "When are you gonna realize that?"

Stephanie gets a call and sees it's Morgan. She goes off to answer. Ford thinks Chelsea should give it a try. "What have you got to lose," asks Ford.

Chelsea makes a list, "Pride, dignity, self respect."

"No," says Ford, "I meant what do you have to lose. If you play this right, you will have them eating out of your hand."

"I'm not going to go up there and cry," insists Chelsea.

Stephanie comes back, "Morgan is five minutes away."

"Does anyone have eye drops," asks Chelsea.

Billie tires to figure out what Lauren was doing when she was traveling. She comes up with the idea Lauren didn't have Tyler, but had left him at the hospital.

Kayla and Hope worry. Kayla thinks they are going to hold Steve and her responsible for what has happened to T-ocket. "I think you need an attorney," says Hope.

"I am not calling Mickey," insists Kayla.

"No," says Hope, "I said you need an attorney."

Kayla says calling a lawyer is like saying she is guilty. Hope says, "An accusation like this could follow you for all the Days Of Our Lives and ruin your reputation as a doctor."

Chelsea says, "This better work." She heads up onto the stage full of tears. She turns off the TV. The jeering starts, but when she turns the guys see she is crying. Silence. Heads bow.

One of the frat boys says, "Hey, we're sorry. Are you OK?"

Chelsea bawls, "I wasn't gonna do this. I didn't mean to ruin your fun."

She gives up on the crying routine and comes clean, "I'm desperate and helpless and I don't know how much longer I can keep going with this farce. I know we dragged you here under false pretenses but you're having a good time, right? All I'm asking is one tiny favor. If you don't help us there will people without a place to sleep. Come on. We all can make a difference... That's it."

Stephanie whispers, "Way to go Chelse."

EJ pours a drink. Stefano comes into the pub. EJ asks, "Father, what are you doing here?"

"I've come to see Shawn," says Stefano, "We have unfinished business." EJ tells him neither Shawn nor Caroline are there. Stefano says, "Well, I am happy to see you here because I have something I think will be very much of interest to you." He takes a folded paper out of his Pocket, "It's an annulment from the Catholic Church for Samantha's marriage to Lucas."

Sami and Lucas keep it up. As if anyone ever questioned it, Sami tells Lucas she is the same spoiled brat she has always been and nobody is going to make her do something she doesn't want to do. Lucas is distant. Sami asks, "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing," says Lucas, "Same as usual."

"Say it."

"OK," he says, "What if he forces himself on you like he did before?"

"No," says Sami, "He won't. This marriage only lasts as long as there are no threats."

"This is tempting fate," says Lucas, "Why can't you see that?"

Mr. Macho stands up and flexes his biceps, "It would be a shame to deny some sorority chick this." Another guy stands up and suggests they keep the game on but turn the volume down.

Stephanie asks Ford if there is anything he can do. Chelsea asks, "Don't you guys do anything but sit at home and work on your beer bellies?"

"Beer bellies," gasps Mr. Macho. He stands up and hikes his shirt, "A six pack, maybe."

The sisters arrive. Stephanie and Chelsea ask for a couple minutes to get things organized. Max turns up the volume on the jukebox and says, "Right this way ladies."

"This better be good," says Morgan, "Buffy and Muffy really made bank on their cupcake sales." Chelsea and Stephanie tell Morgan they are having a guy-auction.

Billie comes back. She's been scrounging through hospital records and has discovered a baby boy was left there on August 9. Belle remembers Steve and Kayla became foster parents in August. Billie thinks their baby must be Tyler. Phillip bolts.

Billie asks, "Where are you going?"

"To get my son."

Kayla comes back into Pocket's room. She tells Hope Mickey is in Minneapolis. He recommended another attorney but Kayla did not call her. She doesn't know what she will do if anything happens to Pocket. Hope tells her she is not to blame.

Battleaxe Bertha from CPS walks in. She's sorry, but they have to yank Pocket away. She says in the past five minutes since she learned about this situation, they have located a nice family for Pocket. Kayla argues. She begs. Bertha stands firm. She says Pocket's safety has been compromised, "This would be a good time to say goodbye.

The battleaxe leaves. Kayla stammers, "Pocket... This is not goodbye. Mommy is going to figure something out and you will be right back home." Hope can't bear it. She covers her mouth and breaks down. Kayla whimpers, "I love you, Pocket."

As she runs up on stage Chelsea says, "Get out your checkbooks, ladies." Silence. "Don't all jump at once. Work with me here."

Things start to fall apart. Stephanie asks Ford to help, but suddenly Max steps up, "ARE YOU READY TO PARTY?"

Cheers. Max goes up on stage, "I'm Max Brady. I'm a race driver and I have a need for speed."

John steps out from behind a curtain, "I'm John Black and I wouldn't mind a little speed myself."

Max takes his shirt off. Several girls are injured as they all run for the door. Chelsea snaps a picture of Max with her phone. Max sucks his gut in so hard he creates a vacuum in the room.

The girls take pity and start bidding. $100... $150... Morgan pulls out all the stops and bids $500. Stephanie drops her jaw.

EJ wonders how Pope Stefano got the annulment papers. Stefano says the DiMeras have been generous to the church and they should just leave things at that. Lucas and Sami come back out. EJ tells them about the annulment document. He holds it up, "All this needs is your two signatures and it will be like the two of you were never married." Lucas huffs. Fade out.

Notice The unabridged Oxford English Dictionary has revised its definition of 'loser' as follows: loser n, [loozer] - Any man whose first wife has to be paid $5,000,000 to marry him, whose second wife starts an affair during their first week of marriage (after he nearly burns down his apartment) and whose third wife leaves him for a man who raped her. The term super-loser is applied to such an individual in the event his family is such an embarrassment he has to change his last name. As an additional space saving measure, the OED has also applied this same definition to: schmuck, twit, failure, washout, flop, dud, turkey, doofus, dweeb, dork, twerp, dolt, chump, wimp, sucker, pushover, oaf, buffoon and a host of others.

Previews
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