Thursday, September 07, 2006


Mimi feeds Shawn chicken soup for the moron's soul. Shawn gets ideas. Mimi gets ideas. They give the couch a test drive. Clothes fly. A knock at the door brings a halt to the festivities. Mimi answers the door. Busybody Belle is sooooo sorry to interrupt. Mimi is sooooo sorry she and Shawn didn't have the combined brainpower to keep quiet until the intruder left. Belle says she needs some help and barges in.

Max tells Phillip he hopes he doesn't believe that stuff about Chelsea. Phillip lectures him; the brat is the scum of the earth. Max makes excuses for her. Phillip says the excuses are no good, "Look at what she did! Who hits something and doesn't stop to investigate?"

"You hit a wall and didn't investigate," says Max.

"Wake up," screams Phillip, "The girl is bad news. She's put all her flesh and blood through hell. I'm going to make sure they throw the book at her."

Bo tells the brat he's not arresting her. He wants to know why her fingerprints were on the mystery file. She insists it's because she works at the hospital. Bo tells her the file was fabricated. He doesn't want to hear any of her excuses, "What I should do is lock you up and throw away the key." Frankie busts in, "Try... and you'll have me to deal with."


Jack and Jennifer walk into the newsroom. Jack hugs his old desk and goes through its contents. He gives his old chair a try. "It feels good to be back." Jennifer says it's just like no time has passed at all. Jack sees a picture on the desk and asks who it is. Jennifer tells him it's Chip, the husband of his replacement, Mary Sue McManus. Jack tosses the picture in the wastebasket, "Mary Sue is just going to have to move over." They argue about Jennifer showing up and spoiling things, but finally decide to work together like the old days.

Jennifer thinks they should take the photo of the pistol to the police. Jack doesn't want to throw away the Pulitzer like that. Jack calls the new editor, Harold. Harold barely remembers him. "Fire up the presses," says Jack, "Jennifer and I are back and ready to solve a mystery."

Jennifer searches the Internet for information on the gun. She comes up empty-handed as Jack finds a picture of it in a catalog. Jennifer claims it isn't the same gun, "The one in the catalog is a .38 and this one isn't." They argue about caliber, guns and who is the most stubborn person on the face of the earth. They bicker about how they got together. Jack was madly in love with her when she first walked into the newsroom. Jennifer thought he hired her because she was good. "Oh," says Jack, "You were good. You kept pressuring me until I kissed you."

That calls for a flashback. Jennifer tells Jack, "Emilio wants a commitment, but you are the one I want to commit to." Jack says that's his cue to leave. Jennifer locks the door and drops the key down her blouse. Back to reality, Jennifer wonders how she has put up with him all these years.

"Because I was dead for most of them," says Jack, "Or maybe because I am sexy as all get out?"

"Yes," says Jennifer, "But not now. If you don't admit you're wrong I'm walking out that door right now." Jack admits he's wrong and they get back to work.

Bo tells Frankie he doesn't like interrogating his own daughter. The brat begs Frankie to help her. Frankie asks to talk to the brat alone. Bo leaves.

Frankie tells the brat to come clean. She says she doesn't deny it. She put the file there, but didn't do it for the reason everyone thinks she did.

Phillip and Max come into police HQ. Phillip makes a call. Max asks Bo to give the little snot the benefit of the doubt. Bo says he's already given the brat the benefit of the doubt too many times before, "You trust her, you get kicked in the teeth."

Claire missed her nap. Poor Belle can't handle it. Shawn takes her. Belle thinks Shawn has a way with her, "You just know how to get her to sleep."

Mimi chimes in, "Shawn has kept me up all night sometimes."

"Hey," says Shawn, "Claire is listening."

Shawn goes into action. Claire starts to settle down, but the phone rings. "Honey, why don't you get that," says Mimi. Shawn answers. Phillip asks Shawn if he's heard they arrested someone for tampering with the mystery file. "Who is it," asks Shawn.

"You know her like she's your sister."

Jack goes through the catalog. Jennifer isn't having any luck on the Internet. Jennifer asks, "How else would he get the picture of this gun, Jack, unless..."

Jack interrupts, "He already had it in his possession."

"What if he's a killer," asks Jennifer, "What if this is a trap?" Jack says Deep Throat II contacted them because he wanted the story told. Jack distracts easily. He notices his "Ferraro" award is on Mary Sue's desk. He asks Jennifer how it got there. She says she gave it away after he died for the third time, along with his Santa suit.

"They will think Mary sue won it," says Jack.

"Not if they read her column." Low blow, Jennifer.

"I only read the obits," says Jack, "Looking for my name."

"That's not funny," snaps Jennifer. Yes it is.

They get back to work. Jack thinks Deep Throat gave them the clue for a reason. Jennifer wonders how the photo will lead them to Eve's killer. Jack gets an idea. He tells Jennifer she is a genius as he drags her off to meet an old friend.

Max goes to bat for Chelsea. Shawn barges into the room, "Is it true?" He's mad because Bo didn't call and tell him what was going on. Bo says he was going to call after he interrogated the brat. He tells them all to go home. Shawn argues. Phillip isn't leaving either. He thinks the brat is responsible for the embryo switch.

Max tells them they are not judge and jury. Phillip says he isn't leaving until she answers for what she did. The brat and Max walk out of Bo's office. Shawn and Phillip confront her. They are going to make sure she gets what she deserves.

Jack and Jennifer arrive at a pawnshop. Crusty old tub-o-lard Sal recognizes Jack. Buddy hugs. Sal says he was a good friend with Jack's daddy Duke at San Quentin. Jack introduces Jennifer as 'Jennifer Horton Brady Devereaux.. Brady.' Sal thinks Jennifer is a hot tomato.

Jack shows Mt. Sal a picture of the gun. Sal chomps on his cigar, "I tink I can help youze guys, but what's in it for me?"

"Plenty," says Jack Brando, "I'm prepared to make you and offer you can't refuse."

Belle thinks it's funny Shawn suddenly had to get some air and took off, "He's so good with Claire."

Mimi asks, "Do you have to keep saying that after everything we've been through. She's your kid – you get her to sleep. You keep looking for excuses to shove her in Shawn's face.

"That's not what I'm doing," says Belle, "You have no reason to feel insecure... Unless you think Claire really is Shawn's."

Shawn gets in Chelsea's face, "If you don't get what you deserve, I will do justice myself." The brat tells him he doesn't understand.

"You are a liar," screams Shawn.

That does it for Max. POW! Shawn is stunned, but there is no possibility of brain damage.

Sal looks at the picture of the pistol and chomps, "I'd give my eye teeth to get my hands on one of deez babies. I'll get back with you when I know something."

Jack doesn't know how to show his appreciation.

"I'm sure you'll find the appropriate way of thanking me," says Sal as he waddles into the back room. Jack promises Sal will come through for them.

The crowd in the police station drags Shawn and Max apart. Chelsea screams that she did not switch the embryos. She left the file the way she found it. Shawn asks, "Are you trying to tell me my DNA matches Claire's?"

"That," says the brat, "And your level of mental development."

Mimi doesn't think Claire is Shawn's unless there was Immaculate Conception.

"Well, people have accused me of being a saint," says Belle.

Mimi snorts, "Look, if your baby is tired, then rock her, but stop coming to my husband for help."

Jennifer inspects at a space alien with a dove on its shoulder while Jack digs out an old Underwood typewriter. Jennifer wonders what it must have been like in the old newsrooms with typewriters banging. This conjures up a "Girl Friday" fantasy. Jack does his best Cary Grant as he barks orders at Jennifer. Bad guy Sal comes in brandishing a gun and demanding money in his James Cagney persona. While Jack shows Sal a map to the bank, Jennifer conks him.

"Good work Dollface," says Jack.

"Do I get the story now?"

"It's all yours," says Cary, "All wrapped up in a big bow."

Dollface asks, "Why don't we put it to bed and get out of here?"

"Or vice versa."

Back to reality, Jennifer tries the typewriter as Sal comes back out, "You gotta pay da piper. Inside info don't come cheap."

Phillip insists Shawn never slept with Belle and the file has to be fake. Bo says there were lots of different persons fingerprints on the outside of the file, but Chelsea's prints were the only ones on the inside.

"My God," says Max, "You did do it, didn't you?"

Jack gives Sal a few bucks. "What a sense of humor," says Sal.

Jack forks over a few more dollars. "Have I ever let you down," asks Sal.

This squeezes a few more bucks out of Jack.

Sal grabs the rest of the wad from Jack and gives them a list of "a few of de owners."

"There are at least 50 names on this list," says Jack. Jennifer asks if Sal can't narrow it down.

"No," says Sal, "Dat's it. And if I was da two of youze I'd stop working your yaps and start to work to see if youze can narrow it down. Capiche?"

Sal oozes his way into the back room. Jack and Jennifer look at the list. "What's that," asks Jennifer.

"It's not on here," says Jack.

Chelsea insists she just wanted to do something good. She didn't know the report was fake, "I know you hate me but I thought if I could help you maybe it would make up for what I did for Zack."

Shawn doesn't follow the logic. But that's nothing new for him.

"It's not difficult," says the brat, "You love Belle and you always will."

Mimi is sorry she came off so harsh. She knows Shawn and Claire have a special bond, but wants Belle to know they are trying to make their marriage work. Mimi thinks that will be harder for Shawn than it will be for her. She asks Belle to give them a chance and not make it difficult.

Belle insists her family is with Phillip.

"If it's this way with Claire what will it be like when the baby gets here," asks Mimi, "The baby you and Shawn are having together."

"You're right," says Belle, "I haven't been the most sensitive person. I'm sorry."

"I'm not saying it's intentional," says Mimi, "And I want you to know you and Claire are welcome here."

"We'll call first before we barge in," promises Belle.

"Thanks you for understanding."

Frankie declares the interrogation session over. Phillip agrees, "I will just read the rest of her lies in the deposition. And what's more, after her criminal trial is over, I will take her to civil court."

Shawn sneers, "And don't ever call me your brother. You are nothing to me."

The brat blubbers and asks to talk to Max alone. Bo sends them into his office. She begs Max not to believe she did this. She is sorry. She swears this is the truth. Max says, "I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry, Chelsea, it's over. I've had enough." Max leaves. Brat bawls.

Jack thinks their work is cut out for them. Jennifer sees something on the paper and points it out to Jack. Jack gasps, "That has to be our killer."

"It can't be," says Jennifer.

"It's gotta be," says Jack, "Which means this town is in for the shock of its life." FF JJ.


Jack and Jennifer scream and struggle as nasty ne'er-do-wells yank bags over their heads.

Billie says, "He is so angry with her."

The brat asks, "What if Shawn really is Claire's father?" Bo says, "There's one way to find out."

Shawn says, "There is no possible way I could be Claire's father."

Mimi says, "He's gonna take that DNA test and the DNA's gonna match and he's gonna know the truth. Where is that gonna leave me?"


Blogger Michelle said...

"Shawn is stunned, but there is no possiblility of brain damage" HAHAHAHAHA. Love all the Shawn dingers!

5:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it looks like the new writers are turning belle into a better person and mimi is going down. i love jack calling her dollface.

5:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We finally get some "Old School" J&J from before their story took a downturn right around their honeymoon (first honeymoon) when Langan had taken over.

FINALLY. And it's 14 years too long in the happening. And of course - it's right before they leave.

6:34 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

This was a Jack-bonanza...the picture caption of the severe paper cuts; his crack that he only reads the obits looking for his name; and the (probably true) statement that Jen had put up with him for so long because he was dead most of the time. HAHAHA

Of course, when he wasn't dead he was running off, abandoning her. That's why Jen left him in Africa and ran off to Ireland.

BTW - where is that Irish cousin of Bo's? Last I saw him he was alive and well on Melaswen. Just before it blew. He's another possibility as The Hand.

6:57 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

OMG! The Hope/baby pic totally cracks me up! HAHAHAHHA And I loved Chicken Soup for the Moron's Soul.

Also Maggie's introduction of Phillip. It's such a shame Phil and Meems don't have the combined brainpower to think that at least ONE of the couples could move from that place. That would stop Belle from running across the hall every two seconds.

Excellent Prevuze today - Chicken Soup for the Frustrated DOOL Viewer's Soul.

8:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry I can't remember....who is Bo's Irish cousin?

8:06 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

"Sorry I can't remember....who is Bo's Irish cousin?"

Beauregard O'Brady? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, God, I've got to give up all that coffee in the morning.

Actually, according to a reliable source, it was Colin Murphy.

His Welch cousin was Larry Welch. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's it. The caffeine has to go.

8:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, I remember Colin - what a hottie - but I didn't know he was Bo's cousin. That would be great if he was "The Hand"; I'd love to see him back on the show. Thanks Prevuze!!

10:14 AM  
Anonymous billyjill said...

The Hope picture was harsh ... and hilarious ...

I'm glad they seem to have remembered that Frankie is an attorney!

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

was the press conference not supposed to be before the race? if so, interesting that they don't seem to care about the race that much...u know, if max was gonna dump 'the brat', he really should have done it when she did all her other crap-a file pales in comparison to a dead child.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

"was the press conference not supposed to be before the race?"

The press conference is supposed to be before the race. Probably days before.

3:18 PM  

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